Letting Go

By MoJo



2245 Zulu 
JAG Headquarters  
Falls Church, Virginia 

The elevator doors open. I step out and look around. 

This place is different than the other office. I'm still not 100% sure I want to go through with it, but something compelled me to visit during my layover. It's been almost four years since I transferred out of JAG to return to Computer Weapons, to a life that suited me better than running all around the country as Harmon Rabb's sidekick. He got a new partner right away, Major Sarah MacKenzie somebody or other. I hope she didn't make the same mistake I did in falling in love with her partner.  It was either that slow fly-boy smile or the gold wings. I never could decide which. 

It's late afternoon on a Friday, practically the weekend. Almost five o'clock, actually. I'm not sure if anyone is still here. The bullpen looks empty. The office doors are closed with the lights off. 

"Excuse me," says a deep voice. "Can I help you, ma'am?" 

I turn around to find a Marine standing at attention behind me. And for a second, I completely forget why I'm here. 

He's handsome. *Really* handsome. His dark eyes look me up and down before settling on my face. He's like the men back home in Texas. The men on the ranches. Rugged men. His uniform tells me he's a Gunnery Sergeant Galindez. Hispanic. That explains the rich, dark complexion and jet black hair. 

"Can I help you, ma'am?" he asks again, a tiny smile on the corner of his lips. 

"Oh, I'm sorry," I say, adjusting my purse strap up on my shoulder. I'm in civilian clothes today. I think hard on why I'm here. I hold my hand out to him. "I'm Commander Meg Austin." 

He relaxes his posture and pulls one hand from behind his back and wraps it around mine. Despite his strong, supple fingers, his touch is gentle. "Gunnery Sergeant Victor Galindez." 

I reluctantly pull my hand away from his, but I can still feel his warmth. Those dark eyes are fixed on me as he awaits an explanation. 

"I used to work with Commander Rabb and Admiral Chedwiggen," I begin, tucking an errant strand of blonde hair behind my ear. He's still staring at me. "Long time ago. I-I'm here tonight on layover and had some time to kill so I thought I might stop by." I look around, avoiding that penetrating gaze. "Are they here?" 

"No, ma'am," Galindez says. He takes a step towards me. "Commander Rabb is in Australia." 

"Oh," I say, taking a step towards him. He smells good. *Really* good. A combination of musk and sandalwood. "Admiral Chedwiggen?" 

"No, ma'am," he repeats, taking another step closer and closing the gap between us even more. "He's in Australia, too." 

"I see," I say, folding my arms. My fingertips drum lightly over my clavicles. I'm flushed. My skin feels warm to the touch. "How about Bud Roberts? Is there a Bud Roberts here?" 

"No, ma'am," Galindez says a third time, that smile growing a little wider. He has the most amazing dimples. 

"Let me guess," I say, leaning towards him. We are just about the same height. "Australia?" 

"Yes, ma'am," Galindez answers, with a nod. 

I let my eyes drift over his uniform, buckled neatly across a flat stomach. There is really no one else around except a young Petty Officer turning off computers. 

"I guess this was a bad idea," I say, exhaling slowly. It must be a sign I don't really belong here.  Galindez blinks at me, probably waiting for me to leave.  I should just go. 

"I'm sorry to take up your time, Sergeant Galindez," I pronounce his last name perfectly, with the proper emphasis on each syllable. 

"Usted habla español, Comandante Austin?" he asks eagerly in Spanish. 

"Sí. Fluido. Crecí para arriba en Texas," I answer, smiling at him. 

"I'm from New Mexico," Galindez says, relaxing even more. "Albuquerque." 

"Do you like it here in DC?" I inquire, curious to learn a little more. I have no idea why it matters if he does or not. I just want to know. 

"Yes, ma'am," he answers. "But it is different than the southwest, ma'am." 

"I never got used to life away from the ranch. My family still lives there. That's where I'm headed," I say, glancing at my watch. "In about 12 hours." "Ma'am?" Galindez asks, pressing his fingertips together. "If I may speak freely." 

"Meg," I correct, biting my lower lip. "You can speak freely if you call me Meg." 

"Yes, ma--Meg," Galindez says, looking a little shy at the lack of formality. "I was wondering if you would like to have a drink. I know I am no substitute for the Commander or the Admiral, but it seems a pretty lady such as yourself should not be spending the night alone." No sooner are the words spoken that he starts to blush at the implication. "Wait, I didn't mean--what I meant to say was a pretty lady..." 

"Shouldn't be drinking by herself," I say, rescuing him. He lets out a sigh of relief. 

"That is what I meant, ma--Meg," Galindez confirms, clasping his hands behind his back. "I could update you on Commander Rabb, Admiral Chedwiggen and Lieutenant Roberts, if you like." 

"I would," I answer, feeling my heart rate elevating. "Thank you, Gunnery Sergeant. That is very gentlemanly of you." 

"Victor," he corrects his voice low and husky with just a trace of that Spanish accent. 

"Victor," I repeat, letting the 'r' roll off my tongue. "What time do you get off work?" 

"A half-hour ago," he smiles. 

****************** 

2400 Zulu  
Maritime Bar and Grill 
Falls Church, Virginia 

"So Harm got his night vision back," I say, swallowing down the last of my beer. Victor pours me another out of the pitcher we are sharing. One drink turned into a pitcher and then we ordered a pizza. Not as good as Texas pizza, but the company more than makes up for it. 

"Last spring," Victor says. "He was actually stationed on the Patrick Henry when I started on at JAG. Flying Tomcats." 

A residual pang of emotion touches my heart at the knowledge that Harm had the chance to fly again, even if was for a short amount of time. I remembered how important it was to him. It must have made him happy.  It would have been nice to know.  I sigh.

Harm never called me. He never wrote. He never bothered to find out how I was or where I went. I guess after learning about his relationship with Diane, there was a part of me that wanted him to correspond with me the same way. 

"What made him come back?" I ask, picking up another slice of pizza and biting into the end. 

"He said he was past his prime to be a combat pilot," Victor says, taking a sip of his beer. I watch intently as swirls it around his mouth before swallowing. "Decided to come back to the courtroom." 

"He must have had personal reasons to come back as well," I surmise. "I can't imagine him giving up flying just because of his age." 

Victor opens his mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. I'm right. I can see it in his dark eyes. "I don't know, ma'am. I mean, Meg." 

"I don't want to talk about Harm anymore," I say, knowing I've spent enough time of my life on that subject. I'm supposed to be living in the present. And presently, I'm sitting across from one very handsome Gunnery Sergeant. A polite and courteous one at that. There is just something about that uniform. "How did you end up at JAG?" 

"I was on terminal leave and ended up testifying in a case involving a missile exercise that set fire to the woods near Quantico," Victor says, picking the olives off his pizza and eating them separately. "When it was over, Col. MacKenzie helped get me a job at JAG." 

"Were you always a Marine?" I ask, captivated by the way his tongue flickers out to caress the olive before devouring it slowly. He asked for extra olives on the pizza. Now I'm glad he did. 

"I was in the Corps, then I quit for a while to be a police officer," he confesses. Victor leans across the table and motions for me to do the same. "I quit when I got shot in the...six." 

"You got shot in the ass?" I ask, trying not to laugh. He is a little embarrassed and looks around from side to side. "Are you making that up?" 

"No, ma'am. I could show you my scar," Victor teases.  One finger reaches across and slides across the corner of my mouth.  I swallow hard.  "Sorry, you had a little sauce right there."

"I did?" I ask, flustered by the contact.  My tongue flickers out to that spot, all the while under his watchful gaze.  "Is it gone now?"

"Almost," Victor says, touching me again.  I doubt there is really anything there, but I'm not about to stop him.  He traces my bottom lip before withdrawing.  "Now it is."

"Thank you," I say, taking my napkin and wiping down my chin.  Things are awkward for the next few minutes.  Victor folds his arms on the table, almost as if he's refraining from touching me again.  

"What is your story?" he asks thoughtfully.  "Something must have made you leave JAG."

He's direct, this Victor Galindez. He waits patiently while I try to condense my complicated story into a few sentences.  Funny how Harm never bothered to asks me that same question.  Would have saved me a years of heartache if he had.

"I left for personal reasons," I begin, drumming my fingers lightly on the table as I avoid his eyes.  "There was this Commander, Krennik was her name, and she made every attempt to keep me...how shall I say this...in my place?  I wanted to do so much more, but I never got past being just some hyped-up Girl Friday."

"I can't imagine Commander Rabb would ever think of you as a hyped-up Girl Friday," Victor says, his attention alternating between my hand on the table and my face.  

"He didn't," I say, quick to defend him.  Still, after all this time I feel the need to act as if we were something we weren't. "I just left unexpectedly with no real...resolution."

"And you wanted to stop by tonight so you could...?" Victor's hand reaches over and rests on mine, stopping my nervous tapping. He senses there is more to my story, but does not press me any further.

"Let go," I say, the reason suddenly so clear.  "I just wanted to let go."

**************

2815 Zulu 
Smoky Joe's 
Falls Church, Virginia

Victor takes off his jacket and lays it neatly over a barstool.  Next, he strips his tie off and sets it on top, unbuttoning the top two buttons.  He rolls up his sleeves slowly.  Peeking out of his collar is a tiny cross pendant, its gold a bright contrast against his tawny skin.  Victor walks towards me and I clutch the edge of the table I am backed against nervously.  I take a deep breath and feel my body shudder.  Why am I nervous?  It isn't like I haven't done this before. 

"Are you ready, Meg?" he asks softly.

"I think so," I reply, licking my parched lips.  

"Good," Victor says, reaching around me to the long stick laying on the table.  He holds it out to me and I wrap my hand around it firmly. Victor's thumb rubs along the length of it slowly before releasing it.  I bring my other hand up to the tip and I work the blue square in small circles as Victor smiles.  He's got such a wonderful smile.  He doesn't have to say another word all night.  He can just keep smiling like that.

"How's that?" I ask, holding the tip up for his inspection.

"Very nice," Victor answers, raising an eyebrow. "Would you like to do mine?"

"I'd love to," I say, smiling as he reaches behind me again and slides the other stick free.  I repeat my careful preparation.  "Did you put the money in?"

"Not yet," he says, reaching in his pocket for some quarters.  He crouches down beside me and pushes them into the worn slots.  Something creaks and churns and the balls are finally released.  Victor grabs one of each and offers them to me.  "Stripes or solids?"

"Solids," I say, taking the yellow ball from him.  "I'll save the stripes for the Marine."

"I'll rack 'em up," Victor says playfully.  I watch as he sets them up in the triangle and rolls them neatly into place. 

"Where'd you learn to shoot pool?" I ask, trying not to let my eyes linger over his backside as he leans over the green felt.

"Here and there," Victor replies, straightening back up into perfect posture.  "You know how the military life ships you around."

"Do I ever," I say, with a heavy sigh. I'd been everywhere over the last four years. 

"Sounds like you're ready for a break," Victor says, placing the white ball the perfect distance.  He gestures towards the table.  "No pun intended."

I smile.  I can't figure out why he's being so nice to me.  He's a good listener, so much so that I'm almost ready to tell him the real reason I left JAG.

"Ladies first," he adds, stepping out of my way.  But not enough because I have to brush past him in order to break.  His body is firm and solid underneath that khaki shirt.  

"Thank you," I say, leaning over the table.  I can feel Victor's eyes on me, checking me out just like I was checking him out a couple minutes ago. I let the pool cue slide in and out of my fingers as I prepare my shot. With a flick of my wrist, I miss my shot and the ball sputters off to the side.  I sigh.  That looked *really* bad, Meg.  "Can I try again?"

"Sure," Victor says patiently.  His hands are wrapped around the stick as he waits.  Watching me once again as I lean over. Studying my form.

Once again I try to break and once again I fail.  I let my forehead drop on the table and bury my face in my arms, laughing.  I hear him laughing too, but it stops as soon as I feel his hands on my waist.

"If I may, ma'am?" he asks, and I stand back up.  Suddenly I am leaning into Victor's body.  I've told him countless times to stop calling me "ma'am" but he keeps doing it anyway.  Force of habit, I guess.  Or maybe he's just terminally polite.  Either way, it's still sexy when he says it. And respectful.

"If you may what?" I exhale.  I can feel his breath on the back of my neck and those strong hands on my shoulders.  His thumbs rub deep circles into my tight muscles.

"Show you what you're doing wrong," Victor says gently.  His hands drop to my upper arms and he massages me there.  "You need to relax first.  You seem very tense."

"I suppose I am," I mutter, letting my eyes close and my head fall forward. Victor's touch is so soothing and rhythmic that I can't help but feel almost...safe.  My lips part as I release the breath I was holding.

"Why are you so tense?" Victor asks, continuing to work his fingers into my muscles.  "Is visiting the Commander and the Admiral that stressful for you?"

I let out a little gasp as he hits a sensitive knot.  He pays extra attention to it.  "No.  Not the Admiral.  Just Harm...I mean, Commander Rabb."

Here I am back to talking about Harm.  I'm sure Victor doesn't want to hear anymore about him.  Probably hears enough working with him day in and day out. He continues his ministrations and before I know it, the words are tumbling out of my mouth.  Unbidden.

"I couldn't work with him anymore.  My feelings for Harm had...changed. And his had not.  He was in a relationship with this woman.  Her name was Diane and she was killed.  After that, I just knew it wasn't going to work out for us.  Some things in life just weren't meant to be.  So I left," I say.  Victor stops rubbing my shoulders and I turn around to face him. I'm backed against the pool table and there is no where for me to put my hands except on his chest.  "I guess at this point in my life its time to let him go once and for all.   By fate, I end up on this layover and I decide to tell him.  And I can't, because he's in Australia."

"What were you going to say to him?" Victor asks, lips pressed shut.  

"You don't really want to hear this, do you?" I say, shaking my head. Victor nods in counter balance.  

"If you think it will help, ma'am," Victor replies, his strong hands settling on my waist.  

I let my fingers trace the collar of his shirt, across that tawny skin to where the fabric meets at the third button.  "I was going to tell him..."

Victor raises an eyebrow.  Waiting.  His expression serious.  

"Harm," I begin, sliding my arms up and around his neck for support.  I rest my forehead against Victor's so we are eye to eye, nose to nose. Suddenly everything I'd been feeling over the last four years is summed up in three little words.  

"I'm over you."

**************

0100 Zulu
Holiday Inn 
Falls Church, Virginia

Harm...who?   My mind wonders as Victor's tongue swirls against mine.  He escorted me to my hotel room and wished me a safe journey to Texas.  He kept his hands clasped behind his back the whole time, obviously not wanting to take advantage of me.  Another gentlemen in uniform.  I was all set to say good night, but then he smiled.

And I kissed him, soft at first.  Just to test the waters, so to speak. One kiss lead to another and here we are, making out in the dimly lit hallway of a Holiday Inn.  Maybe I just need reassurance that I'm finally over Harm, I don't know.  But it feels good to be held and kissed, especially by someone as understanding as Victor Galindez seems to be.  

My back is against the door and Victor's body is pressed into the length of mine. My fingers curiously pluck more buttons free so I can glide my palms over his pectorals.  We keep kissing and touching and exploring until finally I make my decision.  One hand digs into my hip pocket for my key card.  I pull my mouth away from his so I can swipe it.  Victor lets out a long sigh, bracing one hand on the threshold.

"Meg, you don't have to do this," Victor says, his voice husky from our kisses.  He nuzzles my ear a little, inhaling the smoky scent of my hair. We both smell like the pool hall and beer and cigarettes.  All the things no one ever expects from sweet little Meg Austin.  I'm not anyone's Girl Friday anymore and I haven't been for a long time.  

"Maybe I want to," I reply, as I push the door open and step inside.  The air is stale and stagnant.  I turn around and see Victor still standing in the threshold.  "But I understand if you don't."

"Permission to speak freely?" Victor asks.  He's half in and half out of that uniform already.  His jacket is in his car, his shirt is unbuttoned nearly to the waist.  My eyes drift up to his face and I nod.  

"Harmon Rabb is an fool for ever letting you slip away."

I close my eyes and wet my lower lip, letting his words sink deep and settle.  

"He never even bothered to look at you and see you for who you really are," Victor continues.  He stays where he is and so do I.  I'm standing in the light from the door with my arms folded around my body, flushed and warm from our kisses.

"And who am I, Victor?" I breathe, curious to what this handsome stranger sees.  How can he know more about me than Harm ever did?

"You're a smart, beautiful, sexy and you shoot a crappy game of pool," Victor replies.  "And if you weren't only here for tonight, I'd want to learn more."

"How much do you want to learn?" I invite.  Victor finally steps inside and shuts the door.  The room is dark, except for the pale moonlight from behind the blinds.

"Whatever you're willing to show me," is his polite reply. "No more and no less."

So it's up to me.  My heart starts to pound in my chest as I reach out for him.  Within seconds, Victor Galindez in my arms again and I know there is no turning back.  Whoever I was up until this point is not who I'll be when I leave here.  What I was looking to resolve with Harmon Rabb needs to be resolved from within myself.

"I'd like to show you what he never did," I whisper, right before I kiss him again.  Meg the free spirit.  Meg the little girl.  Meg the playful. Meg the passionate.  Meg the seductress.  I am so many things beneath the surface of my uniform.  

Strong hands run up and down my back, kneading gently all those tense spots once again.  I finish unbuttoning his khaki shirt and pull it free from his slacks.  Victor sheds it off immediately and I work on his white cotton tee, eager to feel his skin against mine.  His breathing is shallow as I lift it up and over his head, carelessly tossing it aside.  Oh my, he is *so* firm and solid.  My hands skim all over his torso, his nipples, his abs.  Just...everything.  

"May I?" Victor asks, tugging at the hemline of my shirt.  I nod and raise my arms above my head.  I feel the fabric slide up and off my body, the air chilling me slightly and hardening my nipples even more.  He lowers his fingers to the front clasp of my bra and stops.  "May I?"

"Yes," I whisper, feeling it snap and release.  He pushes the straps off my shoulders and down my arms.  Victor pulls me into his strong embrace and I gasp as my naked flesh meets his.  It is like electricity and it jolts all of my senses.

"You are so soft," Victor murmurs between kisses.  I snake my arms around his neck and run my hands through his cropped hair, enjoying its tactile quality.  My skin is so light against his.  Like cream into coffee, dissolving into one another with ease. 

"You're so...solid," I say, my wandering hands exploring the expanse of his back.  I smile.  "Push-ups?"

"Yes ma'am," Victor confirms, cupping each of my breasts and squeezing them.  "300 every day."

"Does a body good," I surmise, lowering my mouth to his chin and working my way to his neck and clavicles.  He tastes salty against my tongue and so unmistakably male.  My mouth finds one dark nipple and I lick lazy circles around it, making Victor moan.  His hands tousle my hair and it makes me feel wild and free. 

I work my way over to the other side and repeat it, all the while becoming aware of the hardness settling in his groin.  I unbuckle his belt and unlatch his fly.  Victor tenses a bit as I slip one hand inside and feel his erection.  He lets out a throaty laugh and he shudders as I stroke him through his white cotton boxers.  There is just something so satisfying about knowing I have this effect on him. 

I sigh deeply and pull myself away, walking backwards towards the bed. Victor follows, stopping only to remove his shoes.  They land with two thuds and I wriggle my feet out of my leather oxfords.  I ease back onto the bed, knees dangling off the side and prop myself up on my elbows. Victor drops to his knees and starts unbuttoning my fly, letting each metal grommet pop free.  He takes hold of my jeans and tugs them down my legs with a solid yank.  Once free, Victor crawls over me, parting my knees with his.

My body molds to his and his erection is pressing up into my center.  His lips explore my breasts and my stomach, his tongue flickering out here and there.  I arch my back against his mouth, eager for it to descend lower. My hands gently coax his head in that direction and without a word, Victor understands.  He removes my panties and readjusts me so I scoot higher up on the mattress.  His hand traces a line from my navel to my folds, listening carefully to my moans until he hits just the right spot.  

"Here?" he murmurs, wanting confirmation.  I am aching everywhere, but the feeling is concentrated underneath his fingers.  

"There," I manage to breathe and I let out a little cry as his lips kiss me *there.*  My thighs wrap around his head as he swirls his tongue around my swollen nub.  My nerves are on fire and my eyes roll back in my head. This...this is good.  I writhe and twist against his mouth, creating just enough friction to start the thrumming.  

"Yes, yes, yes," I hear myself say and Victor applies more suction and more pressure.  I squeeze my eyes shut as the orgasm takes over.  My hips rise up a bit and he slides his hands underneath my buttocks, letting me ride it out.  

Victor rolls off momentarily and I hear a rustle of fabric.  Through the haze, I look over and see him taking out his wallet.  He smiles shyly as he removes a condom.

"Always prepared?" I ask quietly between pants.

"Always," Victor replies, setting it to the side.  I help him out of his pants and boxers, rolling and tumbling over his body with ease. After I discard his boxers, I roll Victor over on his stomach and check out his "scar."   Sure enough, there's a gunshot wound on his right cheek.  I let my lips brush over it and I feel him shudder.  

"You weren't lying, were you Marine?" I say playfully, wrestling him on his back.

"No ma'am," Victor says, reaching back for the condom.  "Was pretty damn embarrassing.  Couldn't sit down for two weeks."

I don't mean to laugh, but I do.  It helps diffuse the awkwardness as Victor tears open the little sheath and rolls it down his thick cock.  I let my hand drift up and down his chest and stomach until he's finished.  I swing one leg over his hips and straddle him, easing my sex up and down his length, but not taking him in just yet.  Victor brings one hand behind my head and dips me down for a kiss.  I taste myself on his lips and tongue and it excites me.  I keep rocking and rubbing against him until he's slick with my wetness.  Victor's hands steady my hips and he presses his head against my opening.  I gasp slightly and hope I can accommodate his length. It has been a while and I know I'm tight. 

This might be easier if gravity was working to our advantage.  I sink back down into his arms and encourage him to roll me over onto my back.  We shift and I wrap by legs around his waist. I sigh.  That's better.  Victor braces himself above me, almost in push-up position as he lowers himself into me.  My mouth falls open and a soft groan escapes as he slowly eases inside.  My skins slips and stretches around him and finally I relax so Victor can go all the way.  

"Meg," he whispers, before starting to thrust.  I look up at him, my nails digging into his biceps for support.  "You are beautiful."

My eyes flutter close as he moves in and out of my body.  Slow at first, then faster as soon as I relax more.  The pressure is amazing and he slams into me harder.  In.  Out.  In.  Out.  And I try to meet each thrust with one of my own.  I clench my muscles around his cock and once again, I'm rising and rising to that place where only release can set you free.  The tension builds until that inevitable moment.  My nails cut into his skin and I cry out when I come.  Everything falls away in a spiral of pleasure. Each subsequent pulse a little stronger than the last until the world closes in on me, just to be reopened with a new sense of clarity.  

Victor's hips jerk one final time and he groans loudly, shuddering hard. He's sunk deep and I feel him pulsing as well.  He withdraws almost immediately, readjusting so he can lay back against me without certain things getting in the way.  I hold onto him tightly, his cheek against my breast and his arms around my waist.  I rest my cheek on the top of his head for a few minutes while we catch our breaths.  

Victor's holds me just a little tighter before rising up again.  He gazes down at me, his eyes wandering over my face.  

"How do you feel?" he asks quietly, after a moment of contemplation.

"Like I've finally let go," I say, stretching luxuriously.  Any last bit of tension escapes my body and I am free.
 

The End