I Do, Don't I?

I Do, Don't I?

SUMMARY: Plans go awry as Mac and Webb plan their wedding.

JAG HEADQUARTERS FALLS CHURCH, VA FRIDAY, 23 APRIL 2004

Colonel Sarah MacKenzie had been acting sort of antsy during the entire week. She had avoided talking to Harriet as much as she could, even when her bubbly friend came in to invite her to their home for dinner during the weekend.

“I’m sorry, Harriet. I already have other plans. Maybe next time.”

Obviously disappointed, Harriet didn’t even try to change her friend’s mind, knowing that something was bothering her.

Commander Harmon Rabb had also been on edge during the week. He had heard from the judge regarding Mattie and the possibility that she might be taken away from him. Through it all, he had noticed Mac’s strange behavior. She avoided him at all costs, which was okay with him. He realized that he wasn’ t in the best of moods. He had already hurt her enough, so Harm thought it was best to stay away from her.

Harm was leaving on Monday for his quals. The admiral hadn’t been too happy about letting him go, asking Harm when he was going to stop trying to be a pilot and concentrate on being just a lawyer. It was obvious that the admiral was not in a good frame of mind either. Harm started to argue, but the admiral finally relented and told him he could have two days off, but that was all.

Staying in his office with the door closed, Harm never even noticed when Mac left, which was something rare. Regardless of what was going on, he loved watching her walk by his office. Sometimes she would glance over and wave, but most of the time, she just seemed to be in a rush to leave.

Harriet and Bud came by Harm’s office to remind him of the dinner they were having the next day.

“Any special occasion?”

“No. We just thought that it might be good for all of us to get together and remember the way it used to be before…”

“I’ll try to be there, but don’t count on it. Mattie and I may have plans,” Harm said, a melancholy smile on his face.

“I hope you can make it, Commander. It’s been a long time since we’ve all gotten together just to socialize for no special reason. Please bring Mattie with you if she’d like to come. P.O. Coates will be there.”

“Thank you, Bud, Harriet. I appreciate what you are trying to do and I think it’s very nice of you. I’ll see what’s going on.”

Lt. Bud Roberts and Lt. Harriet Simms walked out of JAG, both of them feeling very dejected. They had a feeling that their attempts to bring everyone back together wasn’t going to work. Somehow, the warm family atmosphere that they all had enjoyed for so many years was gone. Harriet, as always, tried to rectify the matter by hosting small dinner parties for her closest friends. Somehow, it wasn’t working.

MAC’S APARTMENT GEORGETOWN 1830 HOURS

Mac had rushed home, knowing she had a lot to do. The first thing was to call the admiral and let him know that she would be out for a couple of days. She hoped it wouldn’t be an imposition, but since Harm was there, she didn’t feel guilty. Mac had no idea that Harm would be gone for his quals since they seldom discussed personal matters. Their friendship had been saved, although they weren’t as close. Now, as she got dressed in her ivory coloured dress with matching jacket, Mac looked at herself in the mirror. She drew back sharply. She didn’t recognize the woman staring back at her in the mirror. Was that her? Mac decided it was last minute jitters and proceeded to get ready. As she was packing a small suitcase, she stopped suddenly, trying to remember when was the last time she had talked to Harm.

The admiral had finally stopped assigning them to either co-counsels or opposing counsels. Instead, he had paired Mac up with Sturgis and Harm worked with Bud most of the time, or other junior staff.

“I wonder if I should let Harm know,” Mac wondered, as she put a silky nightgown in her suitcase. “No, he’ll probably try to talk me out of it, and besides, he probably doesn’t even care anymore.”

There was a strong knock at the door. Mac smiled, knowing it was Clayton Webb. She rushed over and looked at herself in the mirror, then hurried to the door as Webb knocked for the second time.

“Hi,” Mac smiled at Webb, reaching over to kiss him. She smelled the liquor on his breath. Well, it was their wedding day, wasn’t it? He had a right to celebrate.

“You look beautiful. When did you go shopping for this?”

“Thank you and I just got it yesterday.”

“So, are we ready?”

“I think so. Oh, wait a minute. I haven’t called the admiral.”

“Do you have to call him now,” Webb said, impatiently.

“I have to let him know I won’t be there Monday and Tuesday, that is, if you want a honeymoon.”

“I definitely want a honeymoon, so get the call over with because we have a date,” Webb said, pulling Mac to him and kissing her hungrily.

Mac wiggled out of Webb’s arms and went to get her phone.

ADMIRAL CHEGWIDDEN’S HOME McLEAN, VA 1916 HOURS

Admiral Chegwidden had been giving a lot of thought to his future in the last few weeks. The breakup with Meredith had left him feeling very old and alone. He knew that the only way he could ease the pain was to make a short trip to Naples and see Francesca. Perhaps he would even see his ex-wife. After eating a solitary dinner, AJ was just about to pick up the phone to call his daughter when it rang.

“Chegwidden.”

“Admiral, it’s Colonel MacKenzie. I was…”

“Is something wrong,” the admiral inquired, sounding alarmed.

“No, admiral, quite the opposite. I am just calling to let you know that Webb and I are getting married in a couple of hours and I would like to take off part of or all of next week for a honeymoon.”

The admiral was speechless. His emotions ran from surprise, to shock, to anger, and then to Harm. What had he done now that had made Mac take such drastic actions?

“You…you what?”

“I’m sorry to spring this on you so suddenly, but everyone at JAG has known for months that Webb and I were, well they knew we were in love. We would like to get married ASAP, and I would like to take some time off. Admiral, I ’m sure it’s not a shock to you.”

“Colonel, do you know what you are doing? Have you given this much thought?”

“Of course. Webb and I have talked about this for weeks now. He is in town for the next two weeks and well, we would like to get married right away. Sir, do I have your permission to take leave next week? I do have over thirty days leave that…”

“First Commander Rabb comes to me and asks for time off, now you. Has it occurred to any of you that I might want some time off?” The admiral’s voice was bitter and icy cold.

“Sir, Webb and I are getting married tonight. I hate to have to come into work on Monday…”

“Oh, take the damn time off,” the admiral said, slamming the phone down.

“Well,” Webb asked, as Mac stared at the phone and finally hung up. It hadn’ t registered in her mind what the admiral had said about Harm being gone. With Webb’s arms all over her, she didn’t have time to think about anything except their impending wedding.

“He wasn’t too happy, but I’ve got the time off. Let’s go.”

What the hell was going on, Admiral Chegwidden wondered back at his house. Wait? Harm came in and asked for time off. The admiral didn’t believe in coincidences. Were Harm and Mac getting married and using Webb as an excuse? If they were, they were playing it very cool at work. They hardly talked to each other.

Picking up his phone again, Admiral Chegwidden dialed Harm’s number. There was no answer. Damn it! They had disobeyed orders, possibly facing court-martial. Admiral Chegwidden got dressed and stormed out of his house. He was going to have Harm’s hide for this!

PANTALEONE’S ITALIAN RESTAURANT WASHINGTON, DC 1845 HOURS

Harm had arrived home and told Mattie that he had made reservations at Pantaleone’s, one of her favourite places to eat. At first, Mattie refused, finally relenting when she saw the anguished look in Harm’s eyes. She knew that look all too well and she didn’t want to have this talk with him. Harm talked her into going by telling her that she and Jen could go to the movies afterwards.

Sitting in a far booth, where they had a little bit of privacy, Harm looked at Mattie. They looked like two lost souls, both of them looking for different kinds of love.

“You talked to the judge, didn’t you,” Mattie asked Harm, after they had placed their orders.

“Yes,” Harm said. How could he tell Mattie what the judge’s ruling had been?

“They are sending me to a foster home, aren’t they?”

“No, Mattie, they aren’t. Your father has proven, at least to the court’s satisfaction, that he has cleaned himself up and wants to make a home for you. I can’t fight him, Mattie. He’s your father. I can’t take you away from your own father.”

“What about my feelings,” Mattie asked, fighting back tears.

Harm reached over and took her small hands in his. He should have never given Mattie hope, but he had been too selfish to think before he took action.

“Mattie, listen to me, please. I was wrong, very wrong. When I met you, I was hurting almost as much as you were, but it doesn’t make what I did right. I gave you hope because I needed someone in my life. I was tired of being alone, and you reached out to me and touched my heart. Losing you is going to be one of the most difficult things in my life. Forgive me for giving you false hope, but I can’t justify taking you away from the man who fathered you, the man who loves you and is willing to…”

“I know, Harm. I guess I’ve known it ever since he came back. I’m young, but I’m not stupid. I knew that the courts would never let you keep me. Sometimes I wish I had never met you and at the same time, I don’t want to lose you, Harm.”

Mattie’s words intensified the pain in Harm’s heart. Mac had said similar words to him. He had said those words to her about not wanting to lose her. Different times, but they had both said the same words. Now, it was Mattie. How many people was he going to hurt?”

“I’ll always be a part of your life, Mattie. If you ever need me, I’ll try to be there for you. My problem was that I didn’t recognize the responsibility that goes with being a guardian or a parent. I’m in the military, and I know that my work often takes me away from you for weeks, even months at a time. Giving you hope that we would be a family was wrong and I regret the pain I’ve caused you. Having you in my life has been one of the most rewarding and happiest times I’ve ever known. I don’t show my love for you often, but I do love you, Mattie. I hope you know that.”

“I do. We are so much alike, Harm. Even when my mother was alive, I always kept my emotions inside. After she was gone, I withdrew so far inside of me, I lost my own identity. I see that in you as well. It will be okay, Harm. As long as I know I can call you, or that I will see you once in a while, I’ll be okay.”

“Count on it, Mattie. Seeing you is the only thing in my life right now that will bring a smile to my face. I’m sorry, Mattie. Sorry for taking you away from the home you love. Maybe now, you and your father can begin to mend those hurt feelings. There are always two sides to every story. Promise me that you will give him a chance. He’s your father, Mattie, and I think both of you need each other. And when it gets difficult, you can always call me, or Jen. You’ve got more than one friend here. Come on, let’s eat.”

Harm had turned his phone off, not wanting to be interrupted when he told Mattie the bad news. Now, the two of them sat across each other, not really eating, just pretending. Suddenly, Mattie reminded Harm of the day the admiral had come looking for him and how she had called him a mean old bald man. It seemed to break the ice for them. They ate and afterwards went for a walk, enjoying the cherry blossoms.

Upon arriving back at their apartment, Jen was waiting for Mattie. The movie was about to start, and Jen was in a hurry. At the same time, Jen noticed the unhappiness in their eyes. She knew immediately what had happened. Harm waved them off, telling them to have a good time. The court had decided that Mattie could remain with him until the end of the school year in order not to disrupt her studies.

JUDGE ALBERTSON’S HOME GEORGETOWN 2030 HOURS

Clayton Webb and Sarah MacKenzie arrived at the home Judge Nicholas Albertson, a friend of the Webb family. Mac had made Webb promise that his mother would not be there. Mac and Porter Webb had only met twice, and they had not been pleasant visits. It was obvious that Webb’s mother disapproved of Mac, believing she was not good enough for her son.

Judge Albertson didn’t usually perform marriage ceremonies and he was a little surprised when Clayton Webb had called him earlier in the day with the request to marry them. Clay and Mac had taken care of all the paper work, blood tests and gotten their license during the week. It was finally their wedding day. Sarah smiled as the judge introduced his wife, Sylvia, who would be standing up for Sarah. Since Webb and Mac had wanted to keep it a secret, they did not have a best man or a matron of honour. The Albertson’ s butler, a long time employee of the family, stood up for Webb as his best man.

“I don’t have the wedding march, but I do have some very special classical music that we could use,” Sylvia told Mac.

It was hearing those words that made Mac a little uneasy. It was not the first time she had felt it. As their wedding day approached, the apprehension intensified, but Mac refused to think about it. She did, however, wonder if they were rushing into something without giving it enough thought. She looked at Webb and saw only a big smile on his face. He had been drinking since early in the day, and his smile was a little crooked. Mac suddenly saw Harm’s face instead of Webb’s. She pushed it out of her mind.

“Colonel?”

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Albertson. I was just thinking of something. It doesn’t matter what you pick. I’m sure you have a beautiful collection.”

“This is a very old song, and most of you young people probably haven’t even heard of it, but it is a favourite of mine. It’s called Because God Made Thee Mine. The words are beautiful.”

“That will do fine, Mrs. Albertson. Do you mind if I freshen up?”

“Of course not, dear. Come, I’ll show you where the dressing room is and you can take a moment or two. I’ll get everything else ready.” Sylvia Albertson led Mac upstairs.

Mac wondered if all the beautiful fresh flower were for the wedding, or just something that Mrs. Albertson kept all the time. They were all over the few rooms Mac had seen.

Sylvia ushered Mac into a large dressing room and left her alone. It was actually a dressing room, not a bathroom, or a head, as they would call it. Mac began looking around at the adjoining room. She saw a beautiful wedding picture that looked to be well over fifty years old. It was hanging on the wall over a huge old-fashioned, four-poster bed. When Mac looked closer, she recognized the judge and his wife. The date on it was 15 June 1953. Mac gazed at the bride and groom.

That’s when Mac realized that she was in the master bedroom. There were little mementoes of their marriage throughout the entire room. Mac lost track of time until she heard the judge’s wife knocking on the door.

“Colonel, are you okay?”

“Yes, please come in, and call me Mac.”

“If you call me Sylvia.”

“That’s a deal,” Mac said, her mind wandering to similar words said in a sealed promise. She had to stop thinking of the past.

“I see you’ve found our pictures interesting.”

“They are beautiful,” Mac said in awe.

“Well, maybe someday you and your young man will be celebrating many years of marriage.”

Why did Mac feel such a knot in her stomach? She couldn’t speak, instead just smiled at Sylvia, telling her that she was ready.

Sylvia told Mac to wait at the top of the stairs and to come down when the music started. Mac felt excited, terrified and as if she was betraying Harm. She shook her head. Harm wasn’t part of her life anymore other than a working colleague. Tonight was the beginning of a new life for her, and she did not want Harm intruding into her thoughts.

Clayton Webb and the judge stood waiting for Sylvia to start the music. Once it began, they all looked towards the stairs. Mac came down the stairs slowly, looking at the judge, then Sylvia, and last at Webb. Half way down the stairs, Mac stopped. She glanced at Webb again and he smiled at her and she felt better, continuing on to his side. Her heart was pounding. She tried to smile, but she knew the look of terror was on her face. Mac wondered if all brides felt this terrified on their wedding day, or was it just her? She should be happy. She was marrying the man she loved.

Judge Albertson smiled like a proud father as he looked from Webb to Mac. He began by telling them of the day he met his wife, and how he fell in love with her just by looking into her eyes. He then went on to tell them how difficult and demanding and beautiful and rewarding marriage can be when you are with the right person. Of course, he looked at Webb and Mac, telling them that they were destined to be together. Mac felt like running away.

Finally, Judge Albertson began the wedding vows. He asked them if they had rings and they presented them to him. The judge changed the wording of the vows just enough to make both Clay and Mac uneasy.

“Do you, Clayton Webb, take Sarah MacKenzie, to be your lawfully wedded wife? Do you promise to love, honour, cherish and be by her side in good times and bad times, to share your life with her in honesty and love? Do you promise to belong to Sarah and her alone for all the days of your life?”

It took several seconds before Clayton could speak, and when he did, his voice sounded uncertain and bewildered.

“I…I do,” Clay said the words quickly, knowing if he thought about it, he would not go through with the ceremony.

Turning to Mac, the judge repeated the words, but added something.

“Do you promise to bear his children with honour and pride,” was added to her vows.

As Clay had done, Mac looked at him, then back at the judge, who looked patiently at her, waiting for her to take Clayton as her husband.

“Could you repeat the vows,” Mac said, shocking everyone in the room. The judge had never heard of anyone making that request.

Getting only half way through the vows, Mac pulled her hand away from Clay. She looked panicked, but she knew what she had to do.

“No, I don’t. I can’t, Your Honour. I can’t marry this man,” Mac said, grabbing her purse and running out of the room and out into the street before any of them realized what she was doing. The judge and Webb were shocked, but there was a slight smile on Sylvia’s face. Mac had done the right thing. She hailed a cab and was gone before the shocked judge, his wife and Webb could even move.

"Where to, lady,” the cab driver asked Mac.

“I don’t know yet. Just drive around. When I know, I’ll tell you. No, wait. Take me to The Wall. I have to talk to someone.”

Mac didn’t make it to The Wall. Instead, she told the cab to drive her as far she could get on the money she had. He looked at her in a strange way.

“East, west, north or south, lady?”

“It doesn’t matter, just drive. Get me out of here. Wait, I need to get some money. Take me to the bank,” Mac said, giving the bewildered cab driver the name of the bank. Mac withdrew $2000, not even thinking if she would need more. The teller was about to close when Mac ran up and wrote out her withdrawal slip. Mac was on her way, but to where? She wanted to get out of her clothes, but she would wait until they got out of town.

HARM’S APARTMENT NORTH OF UNION STATION 2215 HOURS

Harm was feeling restless. He wondered what he would do once Mattie was gone. He had promised Jen that she could keep the apartment, but she said that as soon as she found one she could afford, she would move. Harm finally convinced her that to him, it was payment for all she had done. He also reminded her that the lease had been signed and had been paid up for a full year, which still gave Jen plenty of time.

Now, Harm looked around his apartment. He had never felt this way. He was used to being alone at night, unless he had been involved with someone, but Harm liked his privacy. Right now, he didn’t. He continued to chastise himself for hurting Mattie and making promises he could not keep. There were a lot of promises he couldn’t keep anymore.

Mac was involved with Webb, so that made their deal null and void. They had promised to have a baby together if neither one of them was involved with anyone else, but things had changed in Paraguay. Harm hated even thinking about that place. His entire life had collapsed upon his return to JAG. When he had heard the admiral’s words, Harm felt as if his heart was being ripped apart into tiny pieces. The admiral stood in front of him, telling Mac how glad he was that she was safe, but he never even looked at Harm except when he told him he was out of the Navy. Yet, Harm knew that he could never put all the blame on one person.

Blame, guilt, whatever. It was never one-sided, especially when two people were involved. Mac’s words had hurt more than anything Harm had ever been told, and then to have the admiral proclaim him dispensable, well, it had been a rough year for all involved. Now, Mac had Webb and he had her. At least they were happy. Harm tried not to listen to the voice in his heart, for the voice was sometimes much more honest with him than he was with himself. It hurt, and he could never accept seeing her with Webb. Now that Mattie would be leaving, Harm had already made up his mind that he was no longer part of JAG.

Harm picked up his guitar and started strumming it, singing words from different songs, but not really singing an entire song. After over an hour, Harm put the guitar aside and tried to sleep. He dozed off, finding solace in the darkness of sleep.

The harsh pounding on his door woke Harm up. It took him several minutes to get his bearings, but the pounding would not stop. He heard the admiral’s voice threatening to knock the door down. Harm yelled out that he was coming and splashed some water on his face to wake up. Walking over to the door, the pounding became louder.

“Open the damn door, Commander Rabb, before I break it and you…”

“Admiral Chegwidden, what’s going on,” Harm asked. He tried to keep his voice steady, but his own anger was beginning to show. Unless this was a JAG emergency, the admiral had no right to intrude into his home this way, regardless of who or what he was.

The admiral pushed his way into Harm’s apartment. He ran up the stairs to Harm’s bedroom, then looked in the shower stall.

“You’re drunk, aren’t you? Where is she,” the admiral demanded to know, in a gruff angry voice.

“Who are you talking ab…”

“Stow it, Rabb! I know what’s going on. Now, where is Colonel MacKenzie, and I don’t want any excuses.”

“How should I know were she is,” Harm replied, standing in the middle of his living room, suddenly filled with bitterness. He should have known that had to be about Mac. The admiral would go to the ends of the world, just like all of them, to be there for Mac.

“I want the truth,” the admiral yelled at Harm, putting his face right up to him. Funny he didn’t smell either beer or liquor on his breath.

”You come in and ask for two days off to take your quals, and then the colonel calls in and asks for time off because she is getting married. I don ’t believe in coincidences, Commander. Why did you lie to me?”

Harm stared at his commanding officer. He was speechless for two totally different reasons. One was that the admiral was, as always, blaming him or holding him responsible, and second, because Mac was marrying Webb. It had to be Webb.

“Admiral Chegwidden, first of all, I am not drunk, and secondly, you are in my home, so I would appreciate it if you would lower your voice. I have no idea where your Colonel MacKenzie is, and why would you even think she is with me.”

“Commander, you are bordering on insubordination, amongst other charges I could bring against you.”

“And you, Sir, are forgetting that even military men and women are still human beings. I repeat. I have no idea where your colonel is, and at this point…”

“She is not my colonel.”

“Funny, Sir, you are acting as if she is your property,” Harm said.

The admiral’s face became a bright red as he tried to talk, but his anger seemed to stick in his throat.

“Are you and the Colonel getting married this weekend?” The admiral’s voice was bitter.

“Is that what she told you?”

Admiral Chegwidden took a deep breath, trying to calm down. He could feel his blood pressure rising to levels he had never known until now. At this point, AJ didn’t know exactly who his anger was directed at. Was it Mac? Was it Harm? Was it Webb? Taking another deep breath before he answered Harm, the admiral asked for water. Harm went to his kitchen and pulled out a bottle of water from his refrigerator. Harm was as angry as the admiral, at the whole lot of them. He was sick of it.

“No. Actually, she told me that she was taking time off because she and Webb were getting married.”

“Tell me something, Admiral Chegwidden,” the use of the admiral’s full name was indicative of just how Harm felt at that moment. “What upsets you more – that Mac is marrying someone, or that she won’t be your property anymore?”

If the admiral’s blood pressure had gone up earlier, it was at a boiling point now. He sputtered on the water he was trying to drink. Harm was always trouble, but he seldom was so blatant in his disrespect of his commanding officer as he was now. After several minutes of trying to calm down, AJ turned to Harm. The older man could see the fury in the younger man.

“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear what you said, Commander. I’ll remind you, however, that whenever Mac goes off the deep end and does something out of character for her, somehow…”

“It’s because of something I did or said to her. So you just assumed I was behind it all, Admiral?”

“Aren’t you always,” the admiral asked.

“In case you hadn’t noticed, the colonel and I hardly speak to each other. We exchange greetings in the morning, if we happen to meet only because we work together. Since you stopped assigning us cases together, we rarely spend time together. She’s got her own life and I’ve got mine, whatever it is. Just in case you’ve forgotten, Admiral, it still takes two people to make a couple, a relationship and a marriage. I am not part of the Colonel’s life anymore. She belongs to you and Webb.”

“We will address your comments to me later, Commander Rabb. Right now, I want to find Colonel MacKenzie.”

“Why, Admiral? So you can stop her from marrying the man she has chosen? Perhaps so you can have her to yourself?” Harm knew what he was doing, but by now, his anger was totally out of control, just as the admiral’s had been when he arrived.

It was only then that the admiral noticed the melancholia in Harm’s voice. He had heard rumours that the judge had ruled against him regarding custody of Mattie Grace. In that instant, Admiral Chegwidden realized how wrong he had been.

“Colonel MacKenzie is actually marrying Webb,” the admiral said, sitting down on the sofa with a heavy thud.

“That’s what she wants,” Harm said, trying not to reveal his pain. “And you thought it was me, didn’t you?”

“Harm, Commander, I…”

“Admiral Chegwidden, I don’t need to hear any excuses or apologizes you may have regarding Mac.”

“You have to admit that you…”

“Are to blame for all her problems?” Harm’s voice had turned bitterly cold. “No, Admiral, Mac pushed me out of her life several months ago, or perhaps I pushed her out of mine. I don’t know anymore. We hurt each other more than any two people have the right to do. We aren’t married. We’ve never been intimate, in case you’re wondering. I considered her my best friend. I guess even the best of friends can let each other down. She made her choice and I stepped back. She told me to move on with my life, and that is what I have tried to do.”

There was a very tense silence that lasted almost five minutes. Harm wanted the admiral out of his apartment before he said things he shouldn’t, and then he wondered why he should keep trying. The fact was that he had never been part of JAG since his return. He was the outsider, like Manetti had been, like Lt. Singer. He no longer belonged at JAG. Harm looked over at the admiral and decided it was time to tell him about his decision.

“Harm…”

“Admiral Chegwidden,” Harm said, his words overlapping the admiral’s.

“Go ahead,” Harm said, still giving the admiral the respect he deserved as his commanding officer.

“I shouldn’t have assumed you were behind it all, Harm. It’s just that you and Mac have danced around whatever it is between the two of you for so long, I just jumped to conclusions. When you asked for time off, and then she called and asked for the same time off, I thought…”

“The worst of me, Sir, as you always do. You could have verified my reasons for taking time off with Captain Ingalls, but it was easier for you to blame me, wasn’t it?”

“That’s not true, Commander.”

“Yes it is, Sir, and you can’t deny it. Since my return to JAG, I have been treated worse than you treated Bud when he first arrived. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, Admiral, and I’ve come to a conclusion.”

“You aren’t resigning again,” AJ said, angrily.

“Why not, Sir? You have the Colonel, Commander Turner, Lt. Roberts, who will be taking my place soon, and you can request anyone you want. I don’t belong there anymore.”

“Why? Because Mac is no longer…”

“Mac may enter the picture, but it goes beyond that, Sir. When Lt. Singer was killed, you asked me if I had done it. You never clarified if you meant if I had gotten her pregnant or if I had killed her.”

“I took those words back,” the admiral said gruffly.

“Yes, you did, but I can still hear them. The fact that you doubted me enough to even ask that question should have told me I no longer belonged there. I can’t stay in a place where I am not trusted, where I can’t contribute to the best of my ability. I have felt for quite sometime now that I am hurting JAG more than I am helping it. I love the Navy, but there are other ways to serve besides being at JAG.”

“Commander Rabb, I will refuse to accept your resignation.”

“I will go directly to the SECNAV. I’m sure he will be glad to get me out of Washington and out of his hair since he also disapproves of my methods of doing things. You all may be right, Admiral. I may be the one who is wrong. It’s finally beginning to dawn on me that what I construed as self-confidence was what the colonel called arrogance and just plain being a jerk. JAG will be much more peaceful without me to disrupt it. I will stay in touch with the Roberts as they are the only ones…”

“That’s not true, Harm. I…I…Commander, you can’t leave.”

“Sir, this has nothing to do with what happened tonight. I had already made up my mind long before you got here. What I once considered a family has now moved on. The Roberts have their own family and I am sure they will continue to have more children. Mac is now married and she will also move on. She wanted children and I am sure that she and Webb will start a family soon. And you, Sir, you…”

“Somehow, Harm, I don’t think that tonight has been painless to you. I should go, but I warn you that I will not accept your resignation and I will talk to the SECNAV. You say he will be glad to get rid of you, but that’s not true. When he wants the best, he always asks for you and Mac.”

“Tell him that he will still have Colonel MacKenzie,” Harm said, getting up and walking to door, almost as if dismissing the admiral. “When it comes to trust and respect, no one deserves it more than Mac. If you don’t mind, Sir, I would like to get some sleep.”

“We’ll talk when you return from your quals.”

“You will have my resignation on your desk on Monday. Goodnight, Sir.”

Admiral Chegwidden said nothing else. He had roared into Harm’s apartment like the proverbial March lion, and now he went out quietly. He would not allow Harm to resign. They had to talk when they were both calmer. Harm closed the door and the admiral looked back at it, no longer seeing the agony in Harm’s eyes.

The drive to his home was a long one because the admiral did a lot of thinking on the way. He went over the last nine years since he had come to JAG and met then Lt. Commander Harmon Rabb, Jr. and Major Sarah MacKenzie. What a mess their lives had turned into during those past nine years.

HARM’S APARTMENT NORTH OF UNION STATION AFTER THE ADMIRAL’S DEPARTURE

Long after the admiral left, Harmon Rabb stared into nothingness. His mind didn’t work for a long time, not coherently. Slowly, he began to recall the words he had told the admiral.

“How could I talk to Admiral Chegwidden that way,” Harm asked himself. “What the hell is wrong with me? Okay, so I know I don’t belong at JAG anymore, but that doesn’t mean I had to insult the man that I have respected and admired and tried to emulate since I arrived here, or since he arrived here. How could I insult him and utter such words to him?”

At this point, Harm was more concerned about how he had just severed his relationship with Admiral Chegwidden than he was about Mac. When she entered his mind, it was too painful for him to want to accept the fact that Mac was now married to Clayton Webb and they were probably on their honeymoon.

Realizing he had to apologize to the admiral, Harm tried to write a letter to him, but he knew he would have to do it in person. Perhaps going out to the Patrick Henry for a couple of days would allow Harm to come up with the apology he hoped the admiral would accept. As for his decision to leave JAG, Harm did not back down. There was nothing left for him here. He had a family out in the West Coast, and he had already inquired about possible positions available to him. Surprisingly, Harm had already been contacted about a change of career, but not on any base. Both the Seahawk and the Patrick Henry were vying for a possible transfer to their carriers.

Harm could not sleep. He stared out the window, seeing only emptiness. He knew there were people out there, couples, families with children, but he would never be one of them.

His Mac was gone and she had not been ‘his’ in a long time. They hadn’t even been best friends. Harm recalled the talk they shared at Mac’s engagement party to Mic. They both vowed that their friendship would never end, that they would always be there for each other. Harm smiled sadly. Perhaps Mac hadn’t loved Mic the way she now loved Clay. She had wanted to preserve their relationship despite her marriage to Mic, but since she had become involved with Clay, Mac had become distant, even to those close to her. Harm walked over and fell on his bed. He rolled over and put his arm across his face. He was surprised to feel his own tears

Harmon Rabb, Jr. had failed in his career as an aviator because of his crash. He had achieved respect and success at JAG. He had failed Mac, the woman he still loved with all his being. He had failed Mattie. Tonight, he had failed Admiral Chegwidden. He had even failed himself. Harm knew that the main reason for his inability to confess his love for her was his fear of losing her. Harm had lost all the people he had loved. He loved Mac, but was always afraid to tell her for fear that he would jeopardize the career she loved so much. Mac was not Harm. She enjoyed the challenges that being in power gave her, but he didn’t. Harm wanted to seek the truth, for that had been his conviction his entire life. Because of the uncertainty of his father’s fate, Harm’s whole life had been one of trying to find the truth, but in so doing, he had sacrificed so much. He had also hurt the only woman he loved, Colonel Sarah MacKenzie, and she was now another man’s wife. Harm had never felt so empty in his life.

As if someone had spoken to Harm from a far away distance, he finally accepted his fate. He had lost Mac. Perhaps he would always love her, but he was tired of living in the past, of the constant accusations both of his past and Mac’s. It was time for him to find his own life, make his own happiness. It was then that Harm knew he didn’t have to make his mind up, he needed to listen to his heart and accept what was there. He loved Mac enough to want her happiness. She was happy now. Harm rolled over on his bed, grabbing the pillow tightly and after twenty minutes, he was at peace. Sleep had finally engulfed him, making him forget Mac.

ADMIRAL CHEGWIDDEN’S CAR TIME UNKNOWN

The admiral had driven around for over an hour. He went over Harm’s words to him, the anger dissipating as he recalled each accusation. AJ could not deny that he had once been attracted to Mac, very much so. He wondered if he based his actions, or inactions, regarding her on those long-ago feelings. AJ did not play favourites when it came to his staff, but as Harm’s words echoed in his head, he realized one thing. He may not play favourites, but he did judge Harm more harshly than anyone else. Oh, that didn’t mean that Harm was always right. Not by a long shot, but then again, look at what the entire office had gone through with Sturgis Turner. Even when Turner’s attitude towards Bud was vindictive, the admiral had never threatened him, instead giving him a chance to explain his actions and overcome whatever it was that was bothering him.

Harriet was loved by one and all, but there were times when even the admiral became quite impatient with her. If Bud did not respond to her the way she wanted, she would pout and take it on him. She liked knowing about everyone’ s personal life. Perhaps some people saw her as motherly and caring, yet there were times when Harriet brought her personal life into JAG more often than anyone else, especially when she was planning her wedding to Bud.

The admiral tried not to think about his reaction to Mac. He had known she needed help after she killed Sadiq, but being Mac, she only went twice. The admiral conceded that if that had been Harm, he would have forced him to see a psychiatrist until the problem was resolved. He recalled painfully the words that Harm had told him regarding Singer. What had he meant, the admiral wondered. Harm was an attractive man, and most women noticed this. He had asked Harm if he had done it? What had he meant? Had he asked Harm if he had gotten Singer pregnant, or if he had killed her? At that moment, AJ could not even answer himself with all honesty. Truth be told, Harm had broken more rules than any one else at JAG, but some of them were warranted. If Harm had not disobeyed his orders, Mac would not be alive now, or possibly not be alive. Yet he refused to thank Harm, instead sending him out in disgrace.

Would he have done the same thing to Mac? Of course not, came a quick answer from somewhere within AJ’s psyche. She had requested and been given permission to follow Harm to Russia. Not once, but twice. She, like Harm had been accused of murdering her ex-husband, a husband she had not bothered to tell anyone she had. The admiral had no doubt that she was innocent. Even Mic Brumby accused them all of being in love with Mac. Was that it? Was he in love with Sarah MacKenzie? The admiral had to swerve from hitting a car when the thought permeated his mind. No, he was not in love with her, but he did love her. He would do anything for her, and that’s when he realized that he loved her like a daughter, like he loved Francesca.

“I can fully understand why Harm feels the way he does. It may not excuse his behaviour tonight, but was I an officer and a gentleman? No, I was not. Neither was Commander Rabb. We will settle this on Monday. As for Colonel MacKenzie, I can only wish her happiness.” The admiral’s words, spoken aloud, seemed to fill the interior of the car and somehow gave him comfort. He turned the car towards home. Looking around, he realized he had driven quite a distance. He took out his phone and punched in a number.

Harm heard his phone ringing and looked at the caller ID. He chose not to answer it. He had given a special phone to Mattie, and that would be the only one he would take for now. Harm rolled over on his side, put a pillow over his head, and tried to shut his mind off. If the admiral had found Mac, Harm was no longer part of her life. He heard the admiral’s words.

“I know you are there, Commander Rabb. I just wanted you to know that I was wrong in coming to you believing what I did, making the accusations I did. Perhaps I’ve made many mistakes during the last few months, all of them involving you, and indirectly, the colonel. The fault, blame, or whatever, rests on both of us. We will resolve this problem when you return from your quals. As for the colonel, you’re right. She’s made her choice and we should just wish her happiness. Goodnight, Commander.”

A small smile crept up on Harm’s face just as he surrendered to the blessed darkness of sleep again. He didn’t want to think about his life right now and somehow, sleep was the only escape.

MAC’S WANDERINGS UNKNOWN PLACE

After Mac had withdrawn the money, she kept wondering how she could get rid of the dress she was wearing. It was too late now to get new clothes and she couldn’t go to back to her apartment. Thankfully, when she ran out, she did grab her purse. Her Marine training had not failed her there. She also knew she had to get out of the cab. It would be too easy to track her down. She refused to even think about what she had done. The only thing she wanted to do was get as far away as she could. For some unknown reason, Mac had the cab driver take her to within a few blocks of Harm’s apartment. She asked him to drop her even further away, then starting walking towards Harm.

“Oh, God, he knows by now that I was going to marry Webb,” Mac cried as she walked around. She finally found a sleazy motel and checked in. She could take care of herself if anyone tried anything. Careful not to reveal the amount of money she was carrying, she paid for the room in cash.

Sarah MacKenzie spent the rest of the night trying to figure out a way to go as far as she could. At least she had a few days off, so she didn’t have to worry about her absence being questioned. She got a map from the motel office, and began looking for some remote place to hide. Mac had no idea how remote the Medford Lakes area would be now, what with all the growth, but she decided that’s where she could spent a couple of days without anyone finding her. It certainly wasn’t Webb’s type of place. She actually thought about Blacksburg, but decided there was too big a chance that she might just see Harm and/or Mattie. Her first priority was to rent a car, but she couldn ’t do it in this area. Someone would find her. She decided to take a cab as far as she could, change clothes, buy a bag and some slacks and then rent a car there. At least she had a plan. There was no doubt in her mind that she had done the right thing, even if it did hurt Webb. She knew she would have hurt him even more if she had married him. The fatigue in Mac caused her to doze off, and just as sleep overtook her, she thought that she felt safe knowing she was closer to Harm than anyone else.

Mac heard pounding at her door and then it was pushed in. Before she had a chance to unravel herself from the sheets, she felt arms holding her down. She inhaled the fragrance of the man on top of her and then felt his lips crushing down hers. Mac tried to fight, but instead of hitting him, she wrapped her arms around him. She felt his tongue pushing her mouth open and felt it enter her. Her legs were spread apart. She did not fight back, nor did she want to, instead eagerly embracing what was happening to her. She felt the want in the man on her, but she no longer doubted the identity of the man kissing her. She knew him as well as she knew her own body. Mac’s body thrashed against him, calling out his name.

“Harm, take me. Make me yours.”

Their clothing came off within seconds as Harm continued to kiss her. His hands and fingers caressed her with a touch that burned into Mac. She felt his arousal against her and moaned his name. Feeling his mouth surround one of her breasts made Mac thrust into him, pulling him to her. She felt him sucking on her, driving her wild. Her hand reached down and took his burning erection in her hands as she heard Harm moan loudly. The magic seemed to go on forever, and then suddenly, Mac felt Harm slide inside her, burning her, filling her. Neither of them could breathe. Mac felt him pulse within her and her reaction was to tighten around him. They began to dance and sway into each other, faster and faster, the flames beginning to consume them. Harm’s lips crushed against hers once again, and then Mac screamed his name as she felt herself fracturing into a million pieces. She felt the warmth of Harm’s love filling her and she could not get enough. Her lips and kisses devoured Harm even as her burning walls consumed him, until Mac woke up. She looked around, disoriented, not recognizing the place where she was, and still feeling the warmth of Harm’s love. Mac realized it had been a dream, an extremely explicit and vivid one that had left her wet from perspiration and moist from the wonder of Harm’s lovemaking, even if it had only been a dream.

Mac buried her head into one of the pillows and started sobbing. No matter how much she tried to convince herself that her heart belonged to Clayton Webb, she knew it never would. She also knew why she could not go through with the wedding to Webb.

“What have I done,” Mac sobbed into the pillow. The sobbing finally put her to sleep, this time a dreamless sleep.

The following morning, Mac called a cab, went to a shopping mall, got a wig, three outfits, shoes and withdrew more money. She was somewhere in Pennsylvania, far enough that she felt safe. She rented a car and started to drive to her destination, but when she got to Lancaster, Pennsylvania, she decided to stay there for a day or two. Mac knew she would have to talk to the admiral soon, but for now, she wanted to be alone. She found solace in the peacefulness of the small town.

ADMIRAL CHEGWIDDEN’S HOME PREVIOUS NIGHT AFTER HIS RETURN FROM HARM’S

The admiral had not arrived back home until almost two in the morning. He was tired and all he wanted was to get some sleep, but when he drove up to his house, he saw a car in his driveway. He didn’t recognize the car, but then he saw Clayton Webb leaning against the car. Now what, the admiral wondered. Parking his car alongside of Clay’s, the admiral got out and went over to Clay.

“What the hell are you doing here, Clay? Shouldn’t you and Mac be on your honeymoon?”

“I think we need to talk, but I really need a drink. Could we go inside, please?”

“Where is your new bride?”

“That’s what I want to talk to you about, Admiral.”

Admiral Chegwidden noticed Clay’s red eyes and unbalanced walk, but didn’t question him. They walked into the admiral’s living room. He served Clay a Jack Daniels on the rocks, and then turned to him.

“So, what are you doing here, Clay?”

“Sarah left me standing at the altar, for lack of a better way to put it.”

“What?”

Clay then went on to tell the admiral what had transpired at the judge’s home.

“Have you looked for her?”

“I’ve been everywhere, AJ. I spent the last five hours looking for her, without much luck. She took a cab. We tracked the cab, but there were no signs of Sarah. I’m not worried about her. Sarah can take care of herself, but I wanted to make sure someone was aware of what happened.”

“Damn it, Clay, you’re a spook. If anyone can find her, it should be you. Have you gone to her apartment?” The admiral ignored Clay’s comments regarding Mac, knowing that his anger would get the best of him.

“Yes.”

“Where were you going on your honeymoon?”

“We didn’t have a destination in mind. We just wanted to get out of Washington so we could be alone.”

“Did you discuss any specific locations? You had to have something in mind.”

“What I had in mind didn’t involve sight seeing, or driving for hours,” Clay answered honestly. “All I wanted was to be alone with Sarah.”

“Okay, how about a hotel? Did you discuss any particular one?”

“I’ve checked them all. Sarah’s too smart, admiral. She’s not going to use her own name. She should work for the CIA.”

“Then get her picture and show it around, Clay. You’re experienced at finding people who don’t want to be found.”

Clay finished what was left in his glass and walked over to serve himself another drink. He looked over at the admiral. It was time to tell him the truth about the entire fiasco.

“Maybe Sarah needs this time alone. At the judge’s house, when he read the vows to me, I almost couldn’t say the words ‘I do’. I’m not cut out to be a husband, AJ. I was a fool to think it would work. Sarah is a desirable woman and I enjoyed the relationship we had, but I should have never taken it any further.”

“What you mean is that you liked sleeping with her, but you didn’t want to make a commitment to her, right?”

“You know the life I lead. Hell, even I don’t know where I am going to be sent next. Sarah wants a stable life. She wants a home and a family. For a while, because I was so enamored of her, I thought I was ready to settle down, but the closer we got to finalizing our relationship, the more I realized I was all wrong for Sarah. You know that’s true, AJ. She needs someone like you, maybe someone like Harm if he would ever get off his six and tell her how he feels about her. I’m the wrong man for her. Harm is the one she wants.”

“So, what would you have done if Sarah would have gone through with the ceremony?”

“Probably spent a nice weekend with her, then gone off. I would have told her eventually, or she would have figured out, which she did before we got married, that we aren’t meant for each other. I screwed up, Admiral.”

“Yes, you did, Clayton, and I can’t even feel sorry for you. You knew that Harm loved her, didn’t you?”

“Hell, who didn’t know he loved her,” Clay said, downing his drink.

“Despite Harm saving your life, and knowing that he loved her, you came between them, didn’t you? You took the woman that belonged to him, and used her. What the hell kind of man are you, Webb?”

“Sarah didn’t fight me, Admiral Chegwidden. She wanted it as much as I did, so I am not the only one to blame here. Hell, if Harm had told her how he feels, maybe none of this would have happened.”

“He tried, didn’t he,” AJ asked, knowing that Harm’s sacrifice of giving up his career for Mac should have been enough. He shouldn’t have had to explain himself to Mac anymore than Mic Brumby had done so long ago.

“I guess, in his own way. Look, it wasn’t my fault that Mac turned to me. Yes, I went after her, but if she would have told me to leave her alone, I would have.”

“So now you’ve created a mess, haven’t you? Why are you here?”

“Just wanted to tell you that we hadn’t gotten married, and that if Sarah is gone for a few days, it would be best if you leave her alone. She’s probably embarrassed over this whole debacle. Give her time to compose herself. Don’t look for her. It’s the worst thing you could do.”

“Get out of here, Webb, before I throw you out.” The admiral had had enough of this drunken fool standing in front of him. “I’m going to call you a cab, Webb. You’re too drunk to drive.”

Webb didn’t argue. He waited in silence for the cab, which took quite a while at this time of night. He kept drinking during the entire time he was there, but the admiral didn’t try to stop him. Webb had severe problems, and he wouldn’t get in the middle of them. The cab finally arrived, and the admiral gave the driver Webb’s address. He was glad to see the cab drive off, and just as glad that Mac had not married that man.

Standing in the middle of his living room, Admiral Chegwidden didn’t quite know what to do. A lot of what Webb had said was true, even if the admiral hated him for saying it. Mac could have made it plain that she didn’t want a physical relationship with Webb, but she didn’t. Webb was also right about everyone knowing that Harm loved her. Mac should have known also, even if Harm hadn’t been able to say the words to her. They were in danger. Didn’t she realize that for them to have a talk about their feelings, they couldn’t do it in the middle of a dangerous operation? They needed time and the right place to reveal their feelings. Oh, AJ was quite aware that Harm had probably been the well-known bull in a china shop when it came to talking to Mac, but she was too intelligent not to see the truth. Instead she became involved with a man who was the worst possible one for her. AJ shook his head, remembering what Meredith had done to him. He looked at the phone, wondering if he should call Harm.

The admiral went back to bed without calling Harm. The last few hours had been filled with anger, frustration, hurt, and destruction. He had destroyed the trust that Harm had in him, and the admiral knew it would take a lot to regain it, but he was determined to do it.

It was a long weekend for the admiral, as well as for Harm. There was no further contact between the two men. Although the admiral wanted to talk to Harm ASAP, he would have to wait until Wednesday. As for Mac, no one had heard from her and he was beginning to worry about her.

JAG HEADQUARTERS FALLS CHURCH, VA

Admiral Chegwidden gave a brief excuse for Mac’s absence, just saying that she had gone to visit Chloe. Everyone knew where Harm was and that he would not return until Wednesday. The admiral had put a call in and asked for temporary help on Saturday evening.

Calling to talk to Webb, he was told that Clayton Webb was on assignment and no one knew where or when he would return. Admiral Chegwidden called the CIA and this was confirmed. He wondered if he should contact Harm, but opted to wait until his return. His concern for Mac and now Harm intensified. He was used to talking to them, hearing their voices, or seeing them even on weekends. Now, the place felt empty, despite the presence of Coates, and the Roberts, and Commander Turner.

JAG business continued as usual, although with both Harm and Mac absent, and two murder trials coming up, and accusations made and charges pending against two admirals, their absence made things difficult. Admiral Chegwidden was very pleased that he was sent extra help in the form of two lieutenants who arrived on Monday evening. One was Lt. Margo Atkins. She was a tall redhead with green eyes and a complexion that made all the women hate her on the spot. She was intelligent, shy, intuitive and above all, eager. Her lithe figure also made the women jealous of her, but they all welcomed her.

Lt. David Arthur Hawkins was also a tall, extremely handsome man of about forty five years old. His hair was dark with the beginnings of graying throughout his head. He had black eyes that seemed to penetrate the person to whom he was speaking. His eyes were not dark brown, they were black, giving him an almost eerie look. Seemingly a very amiable man to the people at JAG, those who had known him from the past knew him to be conceited and egotistical. The minute he saw Lt. Atkins, he wondered how long it would be before he would seduce her. He hadn’t seen the much spoken about Colonel Sarah MacKenzie, and he realized he would have his pick of the two.

Although he did not like changes, Admiral Chegwidden was pleased at how quickly Lt. Hawkins and Lt. Atkins became a part of their little family. Lt. Atkins was immediately assigned to Commander Turner, to assist him in one of the murder cases. Lt. Roberts was handling the DOD case that had resulted in the death of three seamen aboard the Watertown. Aware of Bud’s difficulty in making his way through a submarine, the admiral sent Lt. Hawkins for the initial investigation.

The admiral could not help but be concerned about not hearing from the colonel at all. He had hoped that Mac would call, just to check in. The one person she would have called was Harm, and he wasn’t there. By the end of the second day, AJ knew that Lt. Hawkins and Harmon Rabb would definitely not get along. Lt. Hawkins reminded him of the late Lt. Singer, ambitious, ruthless and arrogant.

Harm enjoyed his days aboard the Patrick Henry. His quals went well although he missed Lt. Elizabeth “Skates” Hawkes. She was expecting her first child and this would be the first time she missed her own quals. The captain encouraged Rabb to consider the position that was being offered to him on the Patrick Henry.

Going home late Tuesday evening, Admiral Chegwidden knew he had to talk to Harm before the following morning. Coates had already given the admiral Harm ’s request for change of designator, which the admiral had thrown in his drawer. He was at risk of losing his two top lawyers and at this point, with the admiral also considering leaving JAG, he swallowed his pride and tried to contact Harm.

Dialing Commander Rabb’s number, Admiral Chegwidden was frustrated when he got the answering machine. He was about to hang up when he decided to leave a message.

“Commander Rabb, this is Admiral Chegwidden. Something has come up at the office that I believe would be of utmost interest to you, therefore I am asking you to please contact me this evening. This matter requires your immediate attention regardless of your arrival time.”

The admiral left the time of his call and hung up. He wondered if Harm was home. Looking at his watch, he realized that Harm would not be home for at least another hour.

Wherever Sarah MacKenzie was at this time, AJ felt she needed someone to talk to, and that someone would be Harm. He had no idea how he would approach it, since Harm had already made it clear that he had no intentions of staying at JAG.

SARAH MACKENZIE’S HIDEAWAY UNKNOWN LOCATION

No matter where Sarah had gone to, nothing seemed right. She had thought that Lancaster would be the perfect place, but after a few hours, she became restless and got in the car and began to drive. Suddenly, Sarah saw the hangar where Harm’s plane was kept. It gave her a sense of peace. She started asking around to see if there were any cottages for rent and was told of several. She chose one close to where she and Harm had been attacked by the poachers. Instead of feeling uneasy, Mac felt at peace for the first time since she had run out of her own wedding.

Mac rented the cottage that was furthest from any other. There was a small lake by it. Mac felt as if she had come home, as if this place had been waiting for her. For the past two days, she had refused to think about the dream she had had regarding Harm making love to her. Mac wouldn’t allow herself to think about Clay. She did want to write a letter of apology to the Albertson’s, but just as she ran out, she saw the smile on Sylvia’s face, almost as if approving of Mac’s actions. When she returned, Mac would send her flowers and a letter, perhaps to explain her feelings.

What were Sarah MacKenzie’s feelings? Since she had been driving from one place to another, she had refused to admit what she had done. Why had she ever agreed to marry Webb in the first place? Was she that desperate that she was willing to settle for a man who could never be the kind of husband and father she wanted so much?

“You don’t even love him,” came a voice from within Mac.

“I know,” Mac said aloud.

When the voice attempted to get Sarah to admit her love for Harm, Mac turned the voice off as quickly as if it were a radio and she had turned the off button. Mac did not want to think about anything or anyone right now. She wanted to find out who she was before she could allow anyone into her life. She had arrived at the cottage on Sunday evening. During the next two days, Sarah MacKenzie searched her heart and soul.

Sarah MacKenzie had to go back many years to realize what had made her do some of the things she had, or hurt the people she loved most, but in the end, she came to one conclusion. Mac had never felt worthy of being loved. She picked the men who she knew to be all wrong for her. Mic Brumby had been pushy and demanding, never taking no for an answer. In looking back, Mac realized that to Mic, she had been the prize he had taken away from Harmon Rabb, Jr., a man Mic detested. He hid it well, but too many snide remarks; too many arguments involving Harm; the look in his eyes when he looked at Harm; and most especially, his possessiveness with Mac were all clues she had refused to see.

Clayton Webb was very much like Mic Brumby, with one exception. Clay actually did like Harm. Besting Harm, or any other man for that matter, was Clay’s joy in life. His obsession with his mother puzzled Mac, yet she had accepted his proposal of marriage. What had she been thinking of? Even if Harm never said those three little words, Mac knew without a doubt that he loved her, but she had turned to Clay. She wondered if Harm would have made love to a woman he knew belonged to another man. She knew the answer to that question. Harm had his choice of women, yet he had not become involved with anyone since the breakup with Renee. She, on the other hand, did exactly what she accused Harm of doing – she ran away from him. Harm had taken a case on the Guadalcanal just so he could talk to her, but she had refused. Just as she had done in Paraguay, she became not only the prosecuting attorney, but she had also been the judge and jury. All this mess was because she did not feel herself worthy of being loved by the one man she wanted and loved more than anyone in this world.

During all her assessments of herself and the men in her life, Mac became more and more terrified that Harm would not want her anymore. Why should he? How could they ever work with Webb again? How could Harm be in the same room with Webb, knowing he had taken what Harm wanted so much.

“But he only took my body. Harm has my heart,” Mac sobbed the words as she looked towards the sunset.

It was now Monday night and Mac knew that she would have to return to JAG soon. Would Harm be there? Would he talk to her? She had heard rumours that Harm was not happy at JAG since his unceremonious departure and his even more overlooked return. There was a time when she could go to him, talk to him, make him change his mind, but they weren’t even close friends anymore.

Mac couldn’t return just yet. She had asked the admiral for the week off. They probably didn’t know she hadn’t gotten married after all. Somehow, Mac couldn’t see Clay going to JAG, or Harm, or the admiral and telling them that she had run out on him. The more she thought about Clay, the more she saw how blind she been, no make that downright idiotic in making herself believe she could ever love him.

So, Mac opted to stay the entire week. The admiral and all of them would just think she was on her honeymoon. She had to come up with some kind of explanation, and then it angered her that she even had to do that. Harriet would be waiting at the elevator door. Harm would be locked in his tiny office, and the admiral would also be hiding behind his doors, with Coates making sure no one would bother him. Why did Harriet have to know everything about everyone? She would probably start asking her all kinds of details about her honeymoon. Mac sometimes wondered if Harriet was given the chance to be the fly on the wall, she would, just to see what everyone was doing. No, she would wait another few days, Mac vowed.

HARM’S APARTMENT NORTH OF UNION STATION

Harm had arrived later than expected. When he got home, all he wanted to do was take a shower, and relax. He had bought some Chinese take-out food on the way home, and now, he dropped his duffel bag, and headed straight for the shower. He didn’t bother to check his phone to see if he had messages. He had talked to Mattie several times during the time he was gone, and for him, she was the only one who mattered now. Harm had made his decision regarding his change of designator. Now, he would have to go in and see the admiral one more time when he changed the one he had given to Coates. She had questioned him about it, and Harm passed it off as it being something the admiral needed to read.

Going over to the kitchen, his hair still dripping wet from his shower, and a towel wrapped around him, Harm took out a plate and served himself. A flash crossed before him of Mac. She loved Chinese food. It didn’t matter what they had, she would eat it all and then start eating whatever leftovers Harm had on his plate. He wondered if she ever knew that he purposely left food on his plate, watching her reach over and take what was left on his plate. He loved watching Mac eat. She seemed to enjoy every morsel. Sometimes she would look up at him and blush ever so slightly. Harm realized he was doing it again. All the time he was gone, it was as if Mac was standing next to him. He could smell her fragrance, so uniquely hers alone. Even when he picked out the Chinese dinners, he selected one that was Mac’s favourite. Walking into his apartment filled Harm with Mac’s presence even though she had hardly been here in the last few months. Now, he looked at all the food left on his plate, sadly accepting the fact that there was no one to reach over and eat what he had purposely left on his plate.

Trying to get his mind on his future, Harm wondered if he should call the admiral. Although he had not accepted the job on the Patrick Henry, Harm knew that his time of being an aviator was at an end. Being on the Patrick Henry would be the closest he would get to flying anymore. Harm put the leftover food in the fridge, rinsed the dishes, put them in the dishwasher and walked over to his bedroom. Harmon Rabb, Jr. was ready to start a new life, even if it meant leaving his heart behind.

Before he retired for the night, Harm dressed and went to check on Mattie one last time. Since his arrival had been delayed, they had been unable to have dinner together, but now, he went to talk to Jen. To his surprise, Mattie was still up and still doing homework.

“Hey, Harm, you’re finally home,” Mattie jumped up, going over to Harm and throwing her arms around him. Harm returned the hug warmly.

“Are you still doing homework,” Harm asked, looking over at Jen.

“Actually I’m studying for our finals. Since I won’t be here next year, they insisted that I take all the tests so that they could forward my transcripts.”

“Did you tell them you were leaving?”

“I thought it best to do it now. Besides, my father came around and talked to them also.”

“Was he okay?”

“If you mean was he drunk, no, he wasn’t. He took Jen and I to dinner that evening. Harm, I’m trying, but I won’t lie and say it’s going to be easy. As long as I can call you and Jen once in a while, I know I’ll be okay. It’s been worse.”

Once again, Harm felt the enormity of his failure as a guardian or as a parent. Mattie had once told Harm that she was happier before she met him, and at that moment, Harm wished he had never intruded into her life.

“I’m sorry about all this, Mattie. I wish there was something I could do to help.”

“You can,” Mattie said, looking over at Jen.

“What?”

“Stop blaming yourself for everything that’s gone wrong in your life. That’s what I’ve been doing, and you’ve helped me to realize that one person alone isn’t to blame for failed relationships. Besides, ours didn’t fail. The courts just didn’t see it our way. I love you, Harm. I love Jen and for that I thank you. I now have an older sister, and a second Dad.”

“I love you too, Mattie. You better get back to your studying.”

“Only if your promise to stop beating yourself up over this. It wasn’t your fault.”

“It’s a promise,” Harm said, his tone of voice belying his words. He had given Mattie hope and he had failed her. He hugged her one last time as she ran off to finish her reading.

Jen had walked out with Harm, wanting to talk to him alone. He was her superior, but she was about to break protocol.

“She’s right, Commander. None of this is your fault. You tried, but the courts didn’t see it your way. I’m only glad that I was in the Navy when you found me or else I would be in some jail rotting away right now. Harm, we can’t always keep our promises.”

“I know, Jen,” Harm said, taking a deep breath. “I just wish I had not taken her away from the home she loved so much. You were different.”

“No, I wasn’t, but you opened my eyes. As far as taking Mattie away and bringing her here, think of all the friends she has made since her arrival. She’s also seen a new way of life. I just wanted to tell you that Mattie seems to be accepting her father easier now, but at night, when she says her prayers, I hear her pray for you. That little girl adores you. You are her hero, just as you became mine. As Mattie said, stop beating yourself up over something you have no control over, Sir.”

“Thanks, Jen. You know, I feel as if I have two daughters because I feel the same way about you as I do about Mattie. Thank you for being there for me when I needed you. Oh, and it’s only ‘Sir’ when we’re at work, okay?”

“That’s what friends are for, Commander,” Jen said, saying goodnight and returning to her apartment.

It was only when Harm returned that he noticed the light flashing on his answering machine. Harm smiled as he heard a ‘welcome back’ message from Bud. Bud was one of a kind. He deserved only the best and had gotten the loss of his leg. Yet Bud never felt bitter, or angry, or resentful. He accepted his fate and went on with his life. Bud was a lucky man.

There were a couple of messages from Sturgis, then Harm stiffened when he heard Webb’s voice.

“Harm, we need to talk. I’ll be out of the country for a while, but I’ll call you when I return. I think when you talk to the admiral, you’ll understand. Take care.” Harm deleted the message.

There was one last message, which Harm almost refused to listen to until he heard the urgency in the admiral’s voice. Something was wrong or else his commanding officer would not be calling him. Harm looked at the time and noticed that it was just past ten. He dialed the admiral’s number.

“Harm, I’m glad you called,” AJ answered without even a formal greeting.

“Sir, I’m sorry for my beha…”

“Forget it, Commander. Sometimes I forget that people in the military are human, with human feelings. We’ll resolve this matter another time. Right now, I am more concerned about Colonel MacKenzie.”

Once again, Harm stiffened as he heard the admiral mention Mac’s name. He had tried so hard not to think about her while he was gone, but she was part of him, as much a part of him as his heart, which belonged to her.

“Sir, I thought I made…”

“Please, Commander, hear me out. I know that you and the colonel have drifted apart in the last few months, but you might be interested to hear what’s happened. I know you just arrived, but is it possible for you to either come to my home, or have me come to yours? What I have to say is better said in person.”

“Is it that important, Sir? Why would you think that Mac…”

“Harm, after you hear what I have to tell you, if you want to walk away, then I won’t push it anymore. I’m more than willing to drive to your place.”

“I’ll be waiting for you,” Harm said, chastising himself for not being able to refuse the admiral’s request.

Almost an hour later, the admiral knocked on Harm’s door. Both men looked a little embarrassed and uneasy, unable to look at each other, but Harm invited the admiral in and told him to sit down. Harm had been playing the guitar and singing “How Do I Live Without You” for almost the entire time. He didn’t fool himself. He was singing it to Sarah MacKenzie, the woman who had reached in and taken his heart from the day they met.

“Would you like anything to drink,” Harm asked, trying to avoid what was coming next. He had speculated on what it could be about, but the admiral had made it clear it was about Mac.

“Some water will do,” the admiral said, just to have something to do with his hands.

Harm handed him the bottle of water and took a chair from his dining room. He sat and waited. Harm felt the tension in the admiral.

“Like you, I’d like to apologize for storming into your apartment last Friday. I had no right to do that, or to make false assumptions,” the admiral said.

“Apology accepted if you will accept mine,” Harm said, smiling just a little. “What is this about?”

“I assume you haven’t heard from Mac.”

“Why would Mac call me when she is on her honeymoon?”

“Harm, Mac didn’t marry Webb. She ran out while the judge was reciting the vows.”

“What,” Harm said, stunned.

“After I left here last Friday, I drove around for a long time. When I got home, Webb was waiting for me.”

Harm listened as AJ repeated what Webb had told him. Admiral Chegwidden had since contacted Judge Albertson, an old friend of his, and had gotten a few more details, which he now repeated to Harm.

“I…perhaps…she…I…” Harm stuttered, unable to respond.

“The Colonel had asked for two days off this week, perhaps the entire week. I was so angry with her that I yelled at her to take the damn time off, so I don’t know if she will return tomorrow, or take the whole week.”

“What do you mean? She didn’t return to work on Monday?”

“No, Harm, she didn’t. I can imagine that she was a little embarrassed after her frenzied call to me, then running out of the wedding, leaving Webb standing there. When I talked to Sylvia Albertson, the judge’s wife, she said that Clay and Mac looked very uneasy, not like a couple in love about to be married. She seemed to sense more doubt in Mac. When she offered Mac her dressing room to freshen up, Sylvia swears she heard Mac say something about harm. It didn’t occur to Sylvia that is was a name. Mac was looking at the Albertson’s wedding picture. Sylvia said that Mac looked very sad, definitely not a happy bride to be. Mac ran out just as the judge was reading the vows and no one has heard from her since then. I was hoping she had called you.”

“Admiral, I was serious when I told you that Mac and I don’t discuss personal matters. We haven’t in a very long time. I didn’t even know she was getting married, although I did expect it. No, Mac wouldn’t call me. As for what Mrs. Albertson believes she heard, why would Mac call my name out when she was about to marry Webb? The judge’s wife must have heard wrong.”

“Why wouldn’t Mac call your name, Harm. After all, look at what she did at her engagement party to Mic. Don’t look away, Commander. I saw the kiss you two shared at her engagement party. When I sent Tiner out to get you, and you still didn’t come in, I decided I would remind the two of you of the reason for the party. That’s when I saw you kissing, and don’t try to tell me it was a farewell kiss, Harmon Rabb. I may be getting old, but I can still tell the difference. I also saw your hands touching as we were preparing to cut the cake. The look on your faces was priceless. Mic Brumby must have been blind not see what was going on.”

“Nothing was going on, Sir,” Harm said, blushing as he looked at every place but the man in front of him. “We were saying farewell. We talked and reminisced about all our cases together. That’s all it was.” Harm knew the admiral didn’t believe a word he said. Trying to change the direction of their conversation, Harm continued. “How about Harriet? Has she contacted the Roberts at all? She’s very close to them.”

“You’re good, Commander. I’ll drop it for now, and the answer to your question is, no one has heard from her.”

“What about Webb? I had a message from him about us needing to talk, but he said he was going out of the country on an assignment and didn’t know when he would return. I really didn’t pay that much attention to what he said. Is it possible that Mac had yet another change of heart and went with him?”

“I thought about that, Harm,” AJ said, smiling at how much he and Harm thought alike. “I called Webb and there was only a message that he was out of the country. I then called Kershaw. Of course, he told me that it was not the Navy’s business, but in the end, he did admit that Webb is in Egypt. He would not tell me why he was there, but he did say he was alone.”

“Did you verify it?”

“Yes. I haven’t wanted to alarm the others at JAG, so I have made discreet inquiries. Webb was not with Mac. Mac has left a trail of her whereabouts, but on Sunday, she dropped out of sight.”

“Out of sight,” Harm asked, his voice now as concerned as AJ’s. “Have you reported her missing to the police?” Harm’s question was totally irrelevant because contacting the authorities might hurt Mac’s career.

“I don’t want to contact the police just yet. I was hoping she would come in tomorrow morning. If she doesn’t, we…”

“Does Webb have any idea where she might have gone?”

“No,” the admiral answered, suddenly realizing that he and Harm were totally at ease with one another. The only emotion between them was their mutual concern for Mac.

“Colonel MacKenzie is much too dependable and reliable to cause you this concern without good reason. She loves her job. She won’t jeopardize it for anything or anyone.”

“In other words, you are saying that we should wait?”

“At least until tomorrow morning. If she does not come in, then, well, I’ll start my own investigation as to where she might have gone. That is, if I have your permission.”

“You don’t need my permission, Commander, but yes, you have it. Do you have any idea where she might be?”

Harm shook his head from side to side, trying to remember one of Mac’s favourite places.

“Have you called Chloe?”

“We did. They haven’t heard from her.”

“Did you tell Chloe why you were asking?”

“I had to decide on the spur of the moment. I told her that Mac had taken a few days off but there was a case that we needed her input on. I don’t know if Chloe believed Coates. You might want to call her and reassure her that things are okay.”

“I’ll wait until tomorrow. If Mac comes in, then all this is for naught. If she doesn’t, then I’ll call Chloe and tell her that we really need to talk to Mac about this case. I’ll be careful.”

Admiral Chegwidden and Commander Rabb talked for another twenty minutes before the admiral finally said goodnight. When the two men parted, it was as if the argument and accusations they had hurled at each other a few days earlier had never happened. Their main concern now was Sarah MacKenzie.

Harm had a restless night. He tried to will away the hours until morning. He had called Mac at her apartment several times, but had gotten only the answering machine. He got her voicemail on her cell phone. His concern was becoming urgent. He felt her so close and yet so far away. For the few times Harm dozed off, he could hear Mac’s voice calling him, asking him to find her. Harm would wake up shaking. He took his shower at 0415, got dressed and headed for JAG headquarters.

JAG HEADQUARTERS FALLS CHURCH, VA 0505 HOURS

Harm could not remember the last time he had arrived this early, but by the time he got to work, the admiral was already there. It would be a long wait until 0700, which was the time Mac usually arrived, unless she was interviewing a witness or client out of town, in which case she usually notified someone of her whereabouts.

Walking over to the break room, Harm was startled to see that the admiral had already started the coffee and was now serving a cup for himself. When he saw Harm, he served a second cup without even asking.

“I see you couldn’t sleep either,” the admiral said.

“Every time I fell asleep, I heard Mac calling me. I finally got up.”

“Come into my office, Harm. We’ll wait together.”

Harm hesitated. During their apprehension over Mac’s whereabouts, they had both apologized, yet Harm knew the matter was not over.

“Come on, Harm. We don’t have to discuss anything except what you want. It’s best if we wait together. Perhaps it will make the time go by faster,” AJ said, smiling nervously.

Harm followed his commanding officer into his office. The bullpen was still empty, but it wouldn’t be long before it would be full. Harm looked over at Mac’s office, hoping that she would be one of the ones arriving soon.

“How were your quals?”

“I passed. I don’t know how much longer I will, but I passed once again. My former RIO wasn’t there. She’s expecting a baby.”

“It’s good to hear that some people have lives outside the military,” AJ said, his thoughts going to Meredith. No one knew about them yet.

“Skates is very happy. She does her quals, but this time around, she had other priorities.”

“Harm, you know that Meredith and I have broken our engagement, don’t you?”

“No, Sir, I didn’t. I’m sorry to hear that because you seemed so happy, but I trust you did the right thing.”

“I did. Actually, there’s something else I’m thinking of doing.” AJ didn’t continue, wondering if this was the time to discuss his plans. Looking up at Harm, he continued.

“I’m considering retirement.”

“You’d leave JAG, Sir? Why?”

“I’ve given JAG nine years of my life. I think it’s time for me to move on also. I want to go to Naples, spend time with my daughter, and perhaps become reacquainted with my ex-wife.”

The admiral’s words shocked Harm, leaving him with nothing to say. He looked down at his cup of coffee, trying to think of what to say.

“JAG won’t be the same without you here.”

“JAG won’t be the same without you here either, Harm. You belong here, regardless of how you feel. I’d feel a lot of better if I knew you would still be a member of JAG when I left.”

“Thank you, Sir, but as you said, we all have to move on. I’m not getting any younger. When I see Mattie and Jen, I realize that I could have daughters that age if I hadn’t given my life to the military.”

“Well, having Coates as a daughter is stretching it a little, Commander, unless you became…”

“I could be her father, Sir. I’ve known men who have had children at the age of eighteen or nineteen, so yes, I could be her father.”

“The thought of you with children is something I always hoped I would see someday. When you were dating Annie, I really thought you’d marry her.”

“I might have, if she hadn’t been so terrified of losing me like she lost Luke. She couldn’t handle it.”

Both men looked at their watches at the same time, then laughed when they noticed what they had done. It was now 0635, and the bullpen was becoming noisy as the staff began arriving. Coates came in and looked at the two men, surprised to see them together.

“Would you like more coffee,” Coates asked. Both men said yes.

With Coates’ arrival, activity in the admiral’s office got busier. Harm got up to go to his office, but the admiral stopped him.

“I’d prefer that you wait here with me.”

“Are you afraid something’s happened to her?”

“I don’t know, Harm. I would just feel a lot better if I knew you were with her.”

“Why me? Why not you? Or Bud? She’s been much closer to all of you this past year than she has to me.”

Admiral Chegwidden got up and stretched his legs. He paced for several minutes before finally answering Harm’s question.

“When you and Skates were lost, it was Mac’s bond with you that enabled her to tell the SAR team where to find you. I am hoping that bond is still there. You see, Harm, I still believe that the two of you just pushed the other one away, for whatever reasons, valid or not, I still think you will find her just as she found you. Careers are important, Commander Rabb, but don’t allow your career to rob you of a life of happiness. Don’t end up like me. I thought the last years of my life would be happy ones, spent with the woman I loved. I know how much you love the Navy, and how much Mac loves the Marines, but talk to each other before you give up. Then I’ll stay out of your way. That’s a promise.”

This time it was Harm who got up and walked around. His long legs didn’t help when he sat for long periods of time. Now, he too walked around a little, then faced the admiral.

“I heard her calling me last night, Admiral, but I have no idea where she is, not now.”

“You will when the time comes, Harm. Her calling out to you is the first step in the right direction. Whatever happens between the two of you is strictly between you, but I believe in that bond. I’ve seen it at work. I have felt in awe of the closeness between you and have been devastated to see you turn your backs on one another. You will find her, Harm, one way or another, you will find her.”

The admiral left Harm to digest his words as he called Coates and told her to have the colonel report to him as soon as she arrived. The minutes began to tick away.

As those minutes ticked away, the admiral’s words echoed in Harm’s mind. He felt a chill go through him and suddenly felt her presence. He turned to the admiral and asked him if he could check to see if she had arrived. She hadn’ t.

Harm and AJ waited until 0900 hours before they took action.

“I’m putting you on leave as of right now, Harm. Go find Mac. Bring her back.”

“What if she doesn’t want to talk to me?”

“Have faith in yourself, Harm. Have faith in Mac. Most importantly, have faith in the love you feel for her and she feels for you. Keep me posted.”

Harm hesitated. “I hope I don’t disappoint you, Admiral.”

“You won’t, Harm, regardless of what your decision is,” AJ said, returning Harm’s salute. He seldom did that, so it surprised Harm.

Walking through the bullpen, Harm stopped and talked to Bud and Harriet. He pulled Bud aside, saying he needed his help on a case. Leaving Harriet at her desk, Bud followed Harm.

In Harm’s office, he closed the door before he spoke to Bud.

“This is between you and I, Bud. I don’t want Harriet to know. Harriet will…”

“I promise, Sir. In the years that Harriet and I have been married, I’ve learned not to tell her everything…”

“Bud, I need you to track the whereabouts of Colonel MacKenzie.”

Bud’s eyes grew wide and round. There had been rumours at the office, one of them being that she and Webb were married now. He tried to tell that to Harm, but he stopped him.

“Bud, whatever you’ve heard, rumours or not, is not true. This is how far we were able to track her. Get me all the information you can without anyone knowing about this. It’s to protect the colonel, Bud, so it’s imperative that it is kept between you and I. Oh, and the admiral. No one else. Not Sturgis, not anyone else, is that clear.”

“Yes, Sir. Shall I contact you on your cell?”

“Yes. Do it ASAP, Bud.”

“Has anything happened to the colonel?” Bud’s childlike demeanor came through.

“You can’t ask that question, Bud. We don’t know. That’s what we’re trying to find out, but it’s also possible that she is just on vacation so we don’t want to embarrass her if that is the case. Can you get this done for me right away? The admiral has cleared your workload. By the way, who’s that Lt. Atkins?”

“She was brought in to help out with you and the colonel being gone. There’s also a Lt. Hawkins.”

“Okay, Bud, I’ll be at the staff meeting and then I’ll be assigned a case in Baltimore. It’s a cover to get me out of here.”

At 1000, the staff met to go over their cases. Lt. Atkins was introduced to Commander Rabb. Seeing the two of them together, the admiral realized what a striking couple they made. He was just grateful that Lt. Hawkins was still gone.

HARM SEARCHES FOR MAC

Five minutes after the meeting broke up, Harm left headquarters after last minute instructions to Bud. Harm went home, packed a few jeans, tee shirts, boxers, toiletries, and one uniform in case he needed it. He had no idea where he was going, but from the trail Mac had left, Harm was beginning to see a pattern. He couldn’t understand why she would even be heading in that direction, but from her last known whereabouts, Harm felt he was right. He got the latest license plates and called them in to Bud. It wouldn’t take long after that, but Harm decided he would start driving in that direction.

When he got into his SUV and started driving, Harm felt as if someone was telling him exactly where to go. He heard Mac crying, saying his name over and over. But it was the sensations that almost overwhelmed him which convinced him he was headed towards Mac. Harm could only hope that Mac would stay where she was and not continue her wanderings. His concern was now filled with the love he could not deny. Harm had no expectations. He would find Mac, give her the admiral’s message and then walk away. If only his heart would listen to the logic of his mind.

Throughout the next few hours, Harm continued to feel as if he was being guided by some unseen and unknown presence. Just when he thought he might be wrong, he would hear Mac’s voice again, and although his hands were on the steering wheel, it wasn’t him directing it. He finally arrived at the hangar where he kept his plane. Bud had called him just minutes ago and told him that Mac had last been seen in this area. Harm could only pray she had not gone somewhere else. As he got out of his SUV, Harm pulled out a picture of Mac, one of his favourite ones. It was of the two of them, taken at one of the Roberts’ impromptu cookouts. Harm and Mac were standing by one of the trees. It was the look on their faces that made it his favourite. Their eyes were filled with love. It had been taken right before Harm had been arrested for Singer’s murder and their friendship fell apart.

Showing the picture to the new owner of the hangar, Harm asked him if he had seen her. Harm had only met him once, and now, he couldn’t even remember his name.

“Commander Rabb, it’s nice to see you again. I was wondering when you would be back,” the man walked towards him. “I’ve been trying to contact all of my customers.”

“Is something wrong,” Harm asked, wondering what else could go wrong.

“No, actually, it’s good news. Mr. Johnson and his daughter, Mattie, have made me an offer on this business. I thought I could handle this, but I’m getting too old and since they made me a good offer, I’ll be selling out to them. I wanted to notify my best customers, and I consider you one of the best.”

“Thank you, and I’m glad to hear that Mattie and her father will be back, running the business they both love. Actually, I’m here on another matter. I ’m looking for Colonel Sarah MacKenzie.” Harm pulled the picture out and showed it to the man, whose name was Frank Duarte. How could Harm not remember a name like that, he wondered.

“Yes, I know her. She’s a nice lady. She was here on Saturday, no maybe it was Sunday, or was it Monday.”

“Where is she now,” Harm interrupted the old man’s ramblings.

“I don’t rightly know exactly, but she asked if there were any cabins for rent around here. I told her about Tranquility Valley about twenty miles northeast of here. From what she said, I assume that’s where she was going. This is a nice picture of the two of you. You make a nice couple. I hope you didn’t have a fight.”

“Nothing like that, Frank. As you know, I’m a Navy JAG lawyer. So is she, but she’s in the Marines. She took some time off and we need to talk to her about an important case that she was working on right before she left. I just need to clear some things up with her. Have you seen her since then?”

“Nope. She looked very sad. I thought she had been crying, but I didn’t want to be a busybody, so I didn’t ask if there was anything I could do. She looked like she could take care of herself.”

“She can,” Harm smiled, now anxious to get away and find Mac.

After a few minutes, Harm was finally on his way again. He was still puzzled as to why Mac had chosen to come to this place. Unless, of course, she felt that no one would think she would want to be anywhere that reminded her of him. Harm slowed down, wondering what he was going to say to her. Should he call the admiral and update him, or should he wait until he made sure that Mac was actually here? Harm decided to wait. After all, Mac had not stayed anywhere longer than a few hours. Since Frank could not really remember what day she had arrived, Harm realized that Mac might be gone. He would call the admiral after he found Mac, Harm decided.

Continue to I Do, Don't I? - part II