Christmas in Blackburg

Christmas in Blacksburg

Summary - Harm and Mattie decide to spend Christmas in Blacksburg, but they want to send a thank you note to Mac first.

HARM’S SUV
24 DECEMBER 2003
2115 HOURS

Harmon Rabb, Jr. had driven away from visiting his father at The Wall with a new responsibility. He had stared after Mac until he could no longer see her at all resisting the urge to run after her, hold her in his arms and thank her for all she had done for him, but most importantly, to tell her how much he loved her. Only she had mentioned HIS name again, letting Harm know that she no longer belonged to him, perhaps not even as a best friend.

Why had he gone to her when he was told he needed someone to speak on his behalf? Bud and Harriet knew him well, and they had seen him with their children. They also knew how much he loved little AJ, and in time, when he got to know him better, he would feel the same way about their new baby, Jimmy. Harm hadn’t even considered going to them. He could have tried to contact Annie Pendry, but he hadn’t even given her a thought. No, the only person he had even regarded as knowing him well enough to give an honest observation on him, as a man, a friend, and perhaps what kind of father he might be had been Mac. But she had immediately asked him when had been the last time he called his mother, and then attacked him as not being a good son when he said he could not remember. In all honesty, he had spoken to his mother earlier that day, but Harm had been very nervous going to Mac, and yet he didn’t kid himself anymore regarding how he felt about her. He went to her because he wanted to see her, and also because he trusted her, even if she was now involved with Webb. However, she had changed, something he had noticed after his return to JAG. She was no longer the Mac he remembered.

Of all the men they knew, Clayton Webb was the last one Harm had expected Mac to turn to for love. Webb was as much of a colleague of hers as he was yet she seemed to have jumped at the chance to be with him. It was going to put even the admiral in an awkward situation when Webb came to JAG asking for help knowing that Mac and he were heavily involved. What if Mac and Clay had been seeing each other longer than he knew, Harm wondered? Perhaps the trip to Paraguay had been a chance for them to explore their new friendship, or relationship or whatever it was. Maybe that’s why Mac had been so angry when she saw him. It had been quite obvious that Mac had not wanted Harm to save her life. She had been waiting for Webb to come after her, to rescue her. Perhaps Clayton Webb was now Mac’s only saviour.

His life has been a mess almost the entire year. When he had been accused of Singer’s murder and taken into custody, Harm had expected Mac to come see him. He knew that the admiral would give orders immediately to stay away from him, but he also recalled how many times both he and Mac had broken the rules just to be there for the other. Even the admiral had considered Harm guilty, distancing himself and the rest of JAG from him. Harm had always thought of his friends at JAG almost as the family he did not have, although he knew his mother and Frank would always be there for him. He began to realize how alone he truly was because even Sergei had gone off and never looked back. Then Mac went off to Paraguay with Clay and when he tried to talk to her, she judged him on the spot, not giving him a chance to say anymore. Had Mac always been that way? Had he? He knew his faults. He could not let go even though he loved her and had been that way for as long as he could remember.

Was Mac that blind that she didn’t see why he didn’t go after her? She had fought long and hard for what she had achieved in the Marines. If he had let go and confessed his feelings for her, it would have ruined their careers. Harm was now at the point where he didn’t care about the Navy, but when he first realized his feelings for her, he knew how much being a Marine meant to Mac. And he went back to flying, hurting Mac more than he had ever believed he could.

Perhaps that was behind all the pain and hurt. Mac was not left hurting because Harm had returned to flying, but because he left her, even though they weren’t together. Their friendship was something he had treasured, but to him, at least, it seemed that as soon as he was out of her sight, Mac turned to someone else, as she had done in Sydney. She had revealed her feelings for him, but even though they were far from D.C., he couldn’t risk her future, but he also couldn’t stop loving her, and it was the power of that love that made him hold back. The next day she had shown up wearing Mic Brumby’s ring, regardless of what hand it was on, right or left. She had accepted Mic’s ring right after telling him she was willing to take a chance just to be with him. Had she been sincere?

Then there was Paraguay and it was as if she was avenging what had happened in Sydney. By then his whole life was falling apart because even after being cleared of Singer’s murder, Harm didn’t feel as if he belonged at JAG anymore. Everyone was too busy, and they were no longer the close-knit family they had all been for so long. The admiral was in love and sometimes much too busy to remember that they had once been close friends. The Robert’s were busy with their children, and Sturgis was going through some strange mid-life crisis, perchance much like his own.

The admiral had informed Harm that Mac and Clay were missing but instead of allowing him to go after them, he was forced to take drastic action. Since then, nothing had been the same again. He had been bounced from JAG to the CIA and then to Mattie. And Mac continued to make it clear that she and Clay were very much together. She didn’t go into detail, and for that, he was thankful, but Mac left no doubts as to her relationship with Clay. Once again, he was alone, left out of a place he had considered home. The only one who seemed to care for him was Mattie Grace, a young fifteen-year-old girl who looked up to him like a father.

“Harm.”

“HARM!”

“Earth to Harmon Rabb!”

“What? I’m sorry, Mattie, did you say something,” Harm asked, turning to look at his new ward, Mattie Grace.

“Well, I’ve been trying to get your attention for the last fifteen minutes, but you seem to be off somewhere in space,” Mattie said.

“I’m sorry, Mattie. My mind was wandering.”

“I know,” Mattie said sarcastically, “you were thinking about Mac, weren’t you?”

“Now why would you say that,” Harm said, glad that the inside of the car was dark enough that she could not see him blushing.

“You’ve been awfully quiet since she told you she had a date with Webb. That’s a strange name anyway. Who is he?”

“His name is Clayton Webb, but we all call him Webb. Even though Mac’s known him for eight years, they’ve just been dating for about six or seven months now.”

“I don’t care who she’s dating, Harm, she’s in love with you,” Mattie said, so matter of fact that Harm found himself almost believing her. “And if they’ve known each other for eight years, why have they just now started dating?”

“That’s a question only they can answer. Mac and I are friends, Mattie, that’s all. Now, let’s go get some clothes for me so we can spend Christmas in Blacksburg. I know you want to be in the house your mother left you.”

Mattie’s eyes got big and wide when she heard Harm’s words. She had no idea what their plans were once Mac had taken her to Harm when he was visiting his father at The Wall and left her with him. Mattie wondered if Harm regretted his actions. She had had to remind him that he could hug her because she wouldn’t break. He didn’t seem to be a man who knew much about children or teenagers, but he had been so good to her and he reminded her so much of her mother. Mattie knew that the day Harmon Rabb entered her life had been the luckiest since her Mom died. She looked over at him and smiled.
“You mean you’d leave your apartment and friends to go spend this special holiday with me in Blacksburg?”

Harm looked over at her, taking his hand off the steering wheel briefly and ran the back of his fingers against her face. She was so young to be so lost. He suddenly felt a strange affection for this little girl that could someday become a permanent part of his life. He realized they were two very lost souls.

“We’re a family now, Mattie, thanks to Mac, and I think the best place for us to be is in the home you love so much. It is, after all, your home and that’s the best place to be during the holidays. As for my friends, they all have loved ones. The Robert’s have a very loving home and family. The admiral has a special lady, Meredith Cavanaugh, that he is engaged to, and Sturgis has his father.”

“What about Mac?”

“She has Clay. Now, are we on for Blacksburg?”

“You know I would love it, Harm, but it’s so far and it’s snowing. Are you sure you want to make the drive tonight? I don’t even have a tree there.”

“Then we’ll find one along the way. Do you have ornaments at home?”

“Yes. My mother had some very special ones that she kept through the years and we always put them up at Christmas. We even have an angel.” Mattie’s voice trembled as she tried to fight the tears that were filling her eyes.

Harm saw a super market down the street and pulled into the almost empty parking lot. He turned to Mattie and saw the tears falling down her cheeks. He put his arms around her and held her against him, the sudden feeling of affection filling him once again.

“It’s okay to cry, Mattie. I’m a man and I’m not ashamed to say that I cry sometimes when I think of the ones I love, the ones I’ve lost, like my father, and others I have known for…”

“You mean like Mac?”

“Mattie, look at me. Mac and I have been friends for over eight years. We have shared so much of our lives together. We have been there for one another through some pretty rough times. She was with me when I finally found out that my father was dead, and she was there when I found out I had a brother, or a half-brother. I’ve been there for her when she’s needed me. We work together and are best friends, but she doesn’t love me the way a woman loves the man she wants to marry and spend the rest of her life with, or have children and… You know what I mean, don’t you, Mattie? You’re wise beyond your years.”

“If you say so, Harm, but can I say something?”

“Of course.”

“First of all, thank you for offering to go to Blacksburg so that I can spend Christmas in the house I shared with my mother. You are very special Harm, even if you don’t know it. You care about people you don’t even know. You hardly knew anything about me, yet you were willing to make room for me in your heart and in your life. Besides my mother, you are the only one who has cared that much about me. Yes, I’d like to spend Christmas in Blacksburg, but I’d also like to thank Mac. I don’t know what she told my Dad, or the judge, but she made it possible for us to be together. Is there anyway we can call her and thank her, or maybe go by her house?”

Harm looked at Mattie, seeing a child wiser than him. Since Mac told him that she had a date with Webb and left Mattie with him at The Wall, all he had done was think about Mac, about everything she had done for him. It was what he was doing when he finally heard Mattie calling him. He couldn’t stop thinking about her, still loving her more than he ever imagined he could love anyone, a woman or a child. But he did love her enough to give her up to Clay if it was what she wanted. He thought of a way they could thank Mac without interrupting her date with Clay.

“You could write her a note and then we could take it to her apartment and tape it to her door. I would like to do the same thing because I owe her so much. I think it’s a good idea, don’t you? We can go by my apartment, get my clothes, look over my Christmas tree decorations and if you like any of them, we can take them with us, and you can write the note to Mac. We can take it to her apartment on our way to Blacksburg. Does that sound like a good plan?”

“I guess it will have to do if she’s out with that man,” Mattie said. She put her arms around Harm’s neck and rested her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. “You know, Harm, I wish you and my Mom would have met a long time ago. That way, you could be my father, and my mother would be alive, because you would never do what my Dad did.”

“Don’t be so harsh on your Dad. I don’t know what made him start drinking, but sometimes we grownups can do some really stupid things. He may have his own reasons. I’m not condoning what he did, but I won’t judge him either. Come on, we better get going. It’s getting late.”

HARM’S APARTMENT
NORTH OF UNION STATION
2247 HOURS

Within fifteen minutes, Harm pulled into his parking place at his apartment. He went around and opened the door for Mattie and they went upstairs. Trying to save time, Harm pulled out the box of tree ornaments and told Mattie that they should just take the whole box and use only what they wanted. He then gave her a sheet of paper and a pen and told her to write the note to Mac while he packed his clothes. He had Friday off, so they would be in Blacksburg for at least three days. Looking over at Mattie, he knew they would be building some snowmen, and having snowball fights, so he packed warm clothing. He watched her as she seemed totally engrossed in writing the note to Mac. Harm smiled, feeling like a child himself. His mother was going to be very surprised when he gave her the news, but now, looking at Mattie, he was really looking forward to the next few days. The only person missing, and the most important one, was Mac. He shook his head and tried to concentrate on the present.

Mattie had stared at the paper for several minutes before she started writing. She could hear Harm humming in his bedroom and looked up at him. She felt sort of warm all over, like when her mother was in the kitchen cooking. Her mother had made her feel safe, and now, Harm also gave her that same sense of security, of not being all alone. She started writing.

Dear Mac,

I wish I could thank you in person for what you did for Harm and I. He tried so hard to make things right for me, to make me feel as if someone truly cared for me, and he was great. When the judge said I had to go to a foster home, my heart broke because I wanted so much to become part of Harm’s family.

Thank you for what you did. I don’t know what you told my father or the judge, but it must have been very special for them both to change their minds and let me stay with Harm. It won’t be easy for us because I know Harm isn’t used to having children around his place, but I think we’ll be okay, and it’s all because of you.

Harm told me that the two of you have been very good friends for over eight years. You are both very lucky to have each other. Having you for his friend is very important to him, and I hope it is just as important to you.

This Christmas will be very meaningful to both Harm and me and it is all because of you. I wish you could be with us, but since you can’t I just want to tell you again how grateful I am for what you did. I know you did it more for Harm because you don’t even know me, but it means a lot to me and I am sure to Harm also. Thank you and have a Merry Christmas. I hope to see you again very soon. Thanks to you, and now to Harm, we are going to spend Christmas in Blacksburg. Harm and I will miss you very much.

Love,

Mattie Grace

Since the moment Mac had entered the courtroom, Mattie could tell just by the way they looked at each other that Harm and Mac loved each other very much. So why was she dating someone else? Avoiding the temptation to tell Mac that Harm was in love with her, Mattie decided against it, but added the last sentence.

Just as Mattie signed her name to the note, Harm came bouncing down the stairs, holding his guitar in one hand and his bag in the other.

“Are you almost finished, Kiddo,” Harm said, trying to be as cheerful as he could. His heart missed Mac so much, but he wasn’t alone, thanks to her.

“Kiddo,” Mattie said, making a face. “I’m not a kiddo!”

“Yes, ma’am. Ms. Grace, are you almost finished?”

Mattie started laughing. She was so very lucky, she thought. Harm may not ever become her official Dad, but he would always be a part of her life, and that thought alone made her feel as if her Mother was watching over her.

“Yes, Sir, Mr. Rabb, I am finished,” Mattie mimicked Harm, folding the sheet of paper and putting it in an envelope. She put Mac’s name on the outside and then looked up at Harm.

“Are you going to write her a note? You should, you know,” Mattie told him, handing the pen to him.

“You’re right, I should. Go make sure you have everything you need while I write mine and then we can get on the road.”

“You mean like Willie Nelson,” Mattie laughed as she went to get the few clothes she had.

“Get out of here.”

Harm was a little stunned at the feelings he was experiencing. No one at church had even questioned him as to who Mattie was, and why he was with her. Somehow, everyone seemed a little lost in their very own world. If it weren’t for Mattie, Harm would have come home, turned the lights off, and played his guitar until he got sleepy. Christmas was not a good time for him. He pulled out a sheet of paper and put the pen to his lips. Without Mac in his life anymore, he had not looked forward to the holiday season. Although his mother kept inviting him to come spend it with them, somehow he couldn’t quite face her. For the first time in his life, Harmon Rabb felt very empty and alone, but now he had Mattie, thanks to Mac. He looked down at the paper and started writing.

Dear Mac,

I really didn’t get a chance to thank you for everything you did for Mattie and me. You’ve given me a far greater gift than I ever expected or deserved. Forgive me for my rudeness the other night and the ugly words I said to you. I know I could have gone to Bud and Harriet to get them to speak on my behalf, but in my mind, you are still my best friend, so I went to you. When things didn’t go as I expected, I said some rather ugly words. I am so sorry and I hope you will find it in your heart to forgive me.

We made a deal almost five years ago and today you made that deal a reality for me. It wasn’t the way I had hoped it would be, but I know it was your way of making my life a little less lonely and less empty now that you are with Clay. You have made sure that I am not alone. I know that Mattie is not mine permanently, and she may never be, but for a short time, I will know what it’s like to have someone very special in my life. Thank you for keeping your promise to me. Now, I wish you and Clay all the happiness in the world and this time, I promise not to crash in the ocean and stop the wedding.

Thank you again, Mac, for always being there for me, for being a friend, for forgiving me, and for caring about me. Merry Christmas to both you and Clay.

Love,

Harm

Harm didn’t notice that Mattie was watching him as he wrote those few words. He wanted to tell Mac how much he loved her, and how much he missed her, but it was too late. His fear of losing her, of commitment, and of letting go and giving in to the love he felt for her caused him to lose any chance he might have had with Mac. He signed the note, folded it and put it in an envelope. Writing her name on the front of it, Harm kissed the three letters that spelled the name of the woman he loved with all his heart, not even realizing that someone else was in the apartment with him. Suddenly, he remembered Mattie and looked up. She seemed to be occupied with closing her bag. He wondered if she had seen him.
“Okay, Harm, I’m ready,” Mattie called out, trying to think of something she could to get Harm and Mac together. She had seen the look in Harm’s eyes when he gazed at Mac’s name and then slowly brought it to his lips. He loved her as much as Mac loved him, and this man named Webb should see it too.

“Then let’s get on the road, I mean, let’s get going,” Harm said, as Mattie started humming “On the Road Again.”

Within minutes, they had Harm’s SUV loaded. Harm looked at Mattie and said he had forgotten something and told her to wait downstairs. Bouncing up the stairs two at a time, Harm quickly dialed the number he had already looked up.

“Blacksburg Nursery.”

“I’m sorry to be calling so late, sir, but I have a big favour to ask of you.”

“I'm sorry, but we were about to close. What could you possibly want this late on Christmas Eve? You must really be desperate.”

“I am. Look, we are just leaving the D.C. area and driving to Blacksburg, but we don’t have a Christmas tree to trim tonight. Is there any way that you could pick the nicest one out for me and deliver it to Mattie Grace’s house? I’ll make…”

“Mattie Grace? Do you know her? Is this by any chance Commander Rabb?”

“Yes, it is. Do you know her?” Harm hoped that Mattie did not owe this man money because he knew that they might not have a Christmas tree tonight. This was the only one that was open.

“Of course I do. I knew her mother also. I’ll pick out the nicest tree we have and deliver it myself to Mattie’s house. I’ll even put it in a tree holder for you. By the way, the name’s Fred.”

“Thank you, Fred,” Harm said, letting out a sigh of relief. “I will pay you for everything…”

“Don’t you worry about it. The trees that are left are going to be tossed, so I won’t be out any money, and I live out close to Mattie, so it won’t be out of my way. There will be a surprise waiting for you. Be careful on the way, it snowing pretty hard out here.”

“Mattie will be so happy,” Harm said, with a big smile on his face. “This has been a last minute change of plans for us, so all of this is new to us. I hope to meet you tomorrow so I can pay. Now, I better go before Mattie gets suspicious.”

“Be careful, Commander, and please come by and visit us. Your tree will be waiting for you.”

Harm rushed downstairs, got in the car and ignored Mattie’s questioning look.

“Did you call Mac”, Mattie asked.

“No, and I’m not going to, Mattie. She’s with Clay. We have to hurry up and get the notes over to her apartment and get going to Blacksburg. I brought pillows and a blanket, so you can sleep if you get tired.”

MAC’S APARTMENT
GEORGETOWN
2355 HOURS

Christmas carols were playing softly on the stereo and there was a nice fire going. Although “White Christmas” was playing on the television, the sound was turned down so the beautiful words of “Oh Holy Night” could be heard. There were two cups of hot cocoa on the cocktail table. One was empty and the other one was still full, and cold now. Mac was dressed in a beautiful negligee of soft red satin. The robe was askew, as if someone had pushed it aside. Besides the cocoa, there was a full glass of wine and a wine glass filled with spiced apple cider that Mac had made herself.

Mac could still see the look on Harm’s face when Mattie walked up to him, telling him that he was her guardian. More vividly, she could see how his eyes lit up when he saw her, and how sad he looked when she walked away from him and Mattie. She had indeed given him a child in less than the five years they had planned, but it had not been the way she had dreamed it would be. She wondered what kind of father Harm would be, but then she recalled the times they had spent with the Roberts’ children, AJ to be precise, and she knew that, like everything else in his life, Harm would adapt to his new life.

It would be a new life without her, Mac smiled sadly, looking into the flames. She had been responsible for so much of the misery in Harm’s life for the past year. Mac could not deny that she had been flattered when Clay told her how he felt for her. They had worked together for eight years, and he had never given any indication of having anything other than professional respect for her. Then suddenly, in Paraguay, or perhaps it was before that, when he came and asked the admiral if she could join him, Clay was falling all over her. He had made her feel loved and wanted.

Harmon Rabb, Jr. and Clayton Webb. They were two such different men. Mac had known both of them for the same length of time and although she knew how Harm felt about her, it had been Clay who had finally professed his love for her. Webb had always been a deceitful man, lying to both her and Harm for his own purposes, his own agenda, but she knew it was part of his job. Sacrificing their lives had meant nothing to him in the beginning. They had been his means to achieve his goals or complete his missions. As they worked closer together, Clay had changed, although he would never allow anyone to see the change. He did consider Harm a friend, even if he insulted him, belittled him and demeaned him at every opportunity. Clay had basically done the same to her, but as she reminisced, she realized that Clay somehow always favoured her.

Clayton Webb was an only son, as was Harmon Rabb. Clay had lost his father at a young age also, although not as young as Harm. Both men had been left to be raised by their mothers. Clay seemed to have an obsession with his mother, a flaw Mac had found most annoying. Harm, on the other hand, seldom called his mother. Clay had lived a life of luxury, a life he still lived. Clay was literally the child born with a silver spoon in his mouth, despite the loss of his father.

Harm, on the other hand, had fought for everything he had achieved. After his mother married Frank Burnett, Harm also could have lived a life of luxury, but it was not a life he wanted, nor did he flaunt it. In that respect, he was like Harriet. Harriet came from a very wealthy family, yet no one had known about it until her wedding to Bud Roberts was close. Harm was the same way. He didn’t have to pay for things on his own, for Frank was always willing to give his stepson anything he needed, but Harm rarely asked for financial help. Harm had struggled to accept the loss of his father, something Mac had considered an obsession. Now she saw Clay’s obsession with his mother and realized the difference.

Harm had always been there for Mac. When he heard that her father was dying, he talked her into going to see him, to put closure to that part of her life. He was there for her when she was accused of Chris’ murder, and did not condemn her for her affair with a senior officer, something that should have gotten her court-martialed. When she fell off the wagon, Harm was there to help her. There were times when both of them would bring up the past during a case, at times being hurtful to the other, but she knew that Harm never meant to hurt her anymore than she meant to hurt him.

Leaning her head back on the sofa, Mac looked up at the ceiling remembering all the men in her life who had made it clear they were interested in her, including her very own commanding officer, Admiral A.J. Chegwidden. She had kept so many secrets from Harm and lied to him about her uncle, yet when she learned that he had lied about his own investigation regarding Singer, she was furious. Lt. Singer was the scourge of JAG, and yet it was quite possible that Harm had fathered her child. It was something Mac could not forgive. The very thought of Harm and Singer sharing a bed was not something Mac wanted to believe.

When the admiral gave orders that no one was to see Harm after he was arrested for Singer’s murder, Mac felt vindicated until she began to truly remember the Harm she knew and loved. Harm would never have fathered that woman’s child, and most importantly, he would never have killed her. There had to be only one answer, and that was his half-brother, Sergei. Mac had ignored the rumors that Sergei seemed to have a crush on Singer, but now it made sense. Harm would give his own life to protect the people he loved, and that meant he would take the blame if he truly believed that it might have been Sergei who was responsible for both Singer’s pregnancy and her murder. Why hadn’t Mac realized this sooner? She was the intelligent one, the one who always figured things out way before anyone else did, so why did she refuse to even consider the truth?

Then came Paraguay and the shock of Clay’s words, and the warm feeling she got when he told her that he cared about her. She had gone to tell Harm she was leaving, and she didn’t even know why she had done it. She had also seen the emptiness in his eyes when she walked out, but she forgot about him in Clay’s words, that is, until the day that he came crashing into that tiny hut where she was about to be tortured. Instead of being grateful, she was angry that it hadn’t been Clay. With their new awareness of each other, Mac wanted to be saved by Clay, not Harm.

Harm hadn’t even entered her mind for several weeks, not as a past partner, or a best friend, or even as the man she had admitted to Sturgis that she loved. Her mind was completely on Clayton Webb and the possibility of finding love with him. And because of that, she had been so cruel to Harm, even after they returned and the admiral had been so very grateful that she was alive and well, but never thanked Harm. No, she had stood there and listened to the hateful words that had set Harm adrift for the next six months, out of her life.

As the weeks had passed, Mac began to realize how cruel her words had been. She also knew what Harm had been trying to tell her. He hadn’t been quite as eloquent as he was in the courtroom, or as Clay had been, but he had made his feelings known to her, yet for reasons she didn’t even know, she had not wanted to hear those words. She was too absorbed in what Clay had her told to listen to what Harm had to say. In a way, she was relieved when the admiral told Harm he could not return to JAG because she didn’t have to put up with him, or listen to his insults. It had worked out perfectly for Mac and Clay, but as time continued to pass, and when Harm did not return her calls, Mac began to feel an emptiness within her. Was this really what she wanted? Of course it was. Clay continued to pursue her, making her feel both good about herself, but when he would kiss her goodnight, she would feel as if she had betrayed Harm. As much as she tried to forget Harm even existed, he was in her heart.

Harm had finally returned to JAG, and although he tried to regain a semblance of what their friendship had been, Mac continued to make it clear to him that she was with Clay now. She refused to even have a platonic bowl of pasta, as he had put it, with Harm. Was it really necessary for her to continue to remind him that Clay was the man in her life now, or was it her way of avenging what she perceived to be Harm’s continued presumption into her life? Why had she lied to Harm? Mac could not deny that she was desperately in love with Harm. He was the only man she wanted. No matter how much she had tried, no other man came even close to bringing out the emotions in her that Harm did, not now, not ever.

Now Harm had Mattie Grace in his life. She had been both shocked and hurt that he had not told her about Mattie, but in retrospect, had she even given him the impression that she cared about what was going on in his life. No, she hadn’t. He had been right when he told her that she had moved on with her life and that he didn’t think she would care. She had been so angry with him, once again hurling angry words at him, only to have him return them, and Mac had no idea what she truly wanted from Harm. What kind of woman was she? She had told Harm that he hadn’t fought for her, but everytime he tried to say something personal to her, she would bring Clay’s name up, reminding him that she belonged to Clay now. Why had she done that, especially when it wasn’t the truth?

“What’s the point of thinking about it now,” Mac said the words to no one in particular. She had been sitting there since she returned from dropping Mattie off with Harm. Her heart ached for Harm and she envied Mattie when she saw Harm’s arms go around her.

Once again, Harm had tried to include her, but she turned and told him she had a date with Webb. Webb was in Europe. She hadn’t seen him in several months and the relationship that she had thought would finally bring her the happiness she so desired, had immediately turned sour. Clay was not a man any woman could ever love, and Mac realized her feelings for him were as false as the relationship she continued to make Harm believe she had with Webb.

Tonight was Christmas Eve and Mac was alone. She could be with Harm and Mattie now, but what was it she had told Harm in Paraguay? They both had to be on top. It wasn’t true and Mac knew it the minute the words left her mouth. She was the one who sought power, control and yes, being on top. She smiled as she remembered the look on Harm’s face as Mattie told him he could hug her. Mac felt the tears gliding softly down her face.

“I love you, Harmon Rabb, Jr. I’ve been in love with you for years, and will be for the rest of my life,” Mac whispered the words, looking down at the glass of wine she had served for Harm, knowing he would not be there to drink it as he had on other Christmas holidays they had shared together.

Mac was brought back from her reverie as she heard footsteps outside her door, followed by voices out in the hall, and suddenly, her heart seemed to jump into her throat. It was Harm’s voice. No, it couldn’t be. He was probably over at the Roberts’ home.

“Be quiet,” Harm was saying. “We don’t want to disturb anyone.”

“But she isn’t even here,” Mattie said, her voice a little louder.

“Have you got the tape,” Harm asked, still in a low voice.

“Of course,” Mattie said as Harm shushed her again.

Harm reached up to tape the envelope that held his note to Mac as the door flew open. He stepped back, almost as if someone had given him an order. He just stared at Mac, seeing her in a beautiful negligee, angry with himself for having interrupted her and Clay’s evening.

“Harm, Mattie, what are you doing here?” Mac made every effort to make her voice as normal as possible, but even Mattie heard the quiver as she spoke.

Mattie looked at Harm, then back at Mac. The look in their eyes as they stared at each other was unmistakable. Mattie smiled almost to herself.

“Mac, I’m so sorry,” Harm stammered. “Mattie and I…”

“We wanted to thank you for what you did for us,” Mattie took over, seeing the blush on Harm’s face. “We were just going to tape our notes on your door and then leave.”

“We didn’t mean to disturb you. I’m so sorry.”

“Harm, stop apologizing. This is a wonderful surprise. Come in, both of you,” Mac said as she opened the door wider. She hoped Harm couldn’t hear her heart pounding or the trail of tears left on her cheeks. She could see his eyes traveling up and down her body, his face a bright red.

Mattie started to walk in, but Harm reached out and took her arm. He stood firm outside Mac’s door.

“We don’t have time, and we don’t want to interrupt your evening. We were just going to tape these to your door. Now we can give them to you. We both wanted to say ‘thank you’ for everything you did. We’ll be leaving now.”

Harm took Mattie’s hand in his and started to turn away. Mac panicked. She couldn’t let them get away.

“Wait, please. Mattie, wouldn’t you like some hot cocoa,” Mac looked at Harm’s new ward.

“I’d love so…”

“No, she doesn’t. Come on, Mattie, we’ve taken up enough of Mac’s…”

“Harm, will you please stop putting words in my mouth, and Mattie’s,” Mac said, grabbing Mattie and drawing her inside. “You aren’t taking up my time, and I would love to have both of you come in and have some cocoa with me.”

Not knowing what to do without making it appear as if he didn’t want to be with her, Harm looked at Mac, and was lost in her eyes. Why was it that their eyes could say so much, but the words always came out wrong? Harm was still outside in the hallway as Mattie walked in with Mac. Mattie looked at her tree, awed by its’ beauty, but somehow, Mac didn’t look happy at all, until now. Mac had a big smile on her face.

Mac looked at Harm, and like him, felt as if the only place in the world for her was in his eyes, in his arms, and in his life. Her eyes went down to his lips as she trembled slightly, wondering how it would feel to have him kiss her passionately, his tongue in her mouth, lost…STOP IT! Mac shook her head and regained a little of her composure.

“Well, if you want to stand outside and wait for Mattie, you can, but it would be much nicer in here,” Mac said, looking at his lips once more and running her tongue around her own, making Harm gasp slightly.

Harm finally walked inside, but he kept looking around. Mac was dressed for a very special evening. He looked at the wine on the cocktail table and saw her apple cider, so he knew she had to be expecting Clay. He had to get out of there as soon as he could, but by now, both Mattie and Mac were in the kitchen, talking and preparing two cups of cocoa for them. He had no idea that Mac had served the wine to remind her of him, not Clay.

“Harm, what would you like,” Mac said, making the mistake of looking at him. Mattie heard Mac’s sharp intake of breath and looked at Harm. They were staring at each other. She wondered if they even knew she was there.

Slowly dragging his eyes away, Harm said he didn’t want anything. His voice broke slightly. He was still standing by the sofa, afraid to sit down and then have Clay either walk in from the bedroom or have him knock on the door.

“We have a long drive ahead of us, Harm,” Mattie said. “Shouldn’t you have something to drink, like coffee or tea?”

“A long drive,” Mac asked, walking over to the sofa with Mattie. “Where are you going?”

Before Harm had a chance to say anything, Mattie started telling Mac that they were going to Blacksburg, to spend Christmas at the house she had shared with her mother before she died. He finally sat down opposite both of them, but did not lean back.

“Blacksburg? That’s about a hundred miles away. Are you sure you want to drive that far in this kind of weather,” Mac asked.

“It was my suggestion,” Harm said, sitting on the edge of the chair. “Mattie loves that house and we really don’t have proper housing for the two of us, so I thought it would be nice for us to spend our first Christmas together at her house. Mac, I am very sorry that we disturbed you. I didn’t think you would be here. We had planned on just taping the notes to your door and leaving right away. I…”

“Harm, you aren’t interrupting anything except a quiet evening at home.”

“But you said…”

“Never mind what I said. I wanted to give you and Mattie some privacy.”

“You didn’t have to do that,” Harm said, leaning closer to the sofa.

“I know, but…”

Harm and Mac had been talking to each other, their eyes locked, afraid to hope what this might mean. Mattie decided to take matters into her own hands.

“Do you have any plans for tomorrow,” Mattie jumped in.

“Not really,” Mac said, turning her attention to Harm’s new ward.

“Then why don’t you go with us to Blacksburg? We have plenty of rooms, and I know Harm would love to have you with…”

“Mattie!” Harm’s firm voice startled both Mattie and Mac. “I’ve already…”

“I’d love to go,” Mac said, interrupting Harm and leaving him at a loss for words. “I will be alone all weekend, and I bet we could have some great snowball fights and build some snow people. You know, we could make a Marine snowman; and maybe a Navy one…”

“Mac, it isn’t necessary,” Harm tried to give her an out.

“Don’t you want me to go,” Mac asked, looking at him, seeing the flush come over his face once again.

“You know I would, but what about Cl…”

“Remind me to tell you about him later. Unless you have another good reason as to why I shouldn’t go, let me assure you that I would love to spend Christmas with you and Mattie. Am I welcome?”

“You know you are, Mac,” Harm said, clearing his throat. Was this possible? Spending Christmas in Blacksburg with Mattie had been special, but with Mac, it would be complete. Harm refused to hope for more than these few days with her.

“Good. Just give me ten minutes to pack and put the dishes away and we can be on our way. That way I can help you drive, Harm.”

“I drive also,” Mattie said, already putting the glasses and cups away.

“You’re too young,” Mac said, her eyes returning to Harm.

“She may be too young for a lot of things, but you’ll find out that in many ways, she is far wiser than I am. Mac, are you sure you want to do this?”

“I don’t want to do it, Harm, I would love to do it. Thank you, Mattie. I’ll be out in five minutes.” As Mac went into the bedroom, she drew close to Harm and whispered in his ear. “This is the best gift Santa could bring me.” She didn’t give him a chance to reply, hurrying off to the bedroom.

Harm was stunned. Had he heard right? Was this all really happening? He had stopped believing in Santa Claus a long time ago, and he certainly didn’t believe in miracle, but somehow, it appeared as if he had been given two miracles – Mattie and Mac. Harm could feel the warmth spreading through his entire body. The thought of spending three days alone with Mattie and Mac was more than even Santa Claus could bring. His heart was pounding as he waited for Mac to reappear. She kept talking to them as she packed, and when she was quiet, it was because she was giving thanks for Harm and Mattie.

“Pack some warm clothes,” Mattie called out, laughing as she saw the change in Harm’s face. He was smiling, and this time, the smile reached his eyes, filling them with happiness. The sadness that had filled his eyes was gone now, and she knew it was because of Mac.

If things worked out the way Mattie hoped they would, perhaps Harm and Mac would be together by the time they came back from Blacksburg.

ON THE ROAD AGAIN
0037 HOURS

Since loading up Mac’s baggage, Harm and Mac had spoken very little. Mattie had gotten in the back, arranging the pillows and covering herself with a blanket.

“Come on, Harm and Mac, sing some Christmas Carols,” Mattie said from the back seat.

“Christmas carols? I don’t know if I remember the words,” Harm said, looking over at Mac. Every time he glanced at her, he felt a shiver run up and down his entire body. “Maybe Mac knows some.”

“You start us out, Mattie,” Mac said, looking over her shoulder at the young girl. “I’m sure you know some.”

“My mother’s favourite one was ‘Oh Holy Night’”, Mattie said, remembering her mother sadly, but looking at Harm and Mac and finding happiness in their presence.

”Why don’t you start out,” Mac said.

Harm and Mac were speechless as they heard Mattie’s beautiful voice singing the sacred words of that very special night. They kept looking at each other as they heard Mattie sing. She sang all the verses to the song, and when she ended she wiped the tears away. It was a song she always sang with her mother.

“Are you okay,” Harm asked, after several seconds of silence.

“I am now,” Mattie said. “Mom and I used to sing that all the time in the choir. I know she’s watching over me, especially now with both of you here with me.”

“You have a beautiful voice, Mattie,” Mac said, still awed by the powerful voice that such a small girl possessed. “I wish I could sing like that.”

“You can. Come on, who knows the words to “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer?”

Looking over at Mac, Harm laughed and started singing. They all joined in. With the weather as bad as it was, it took longer than it normally would to get to Blacksburg, but Harm, Mac and Mattie sang all the way until finally, Harm turned into the driveway. Christmas lights outlined the house, making it look almost like a picture post card. Mattie looked at Harm with a puzzled look.

“Who put the lights up? I know you didn’t because you haven’t had time.”

“You have some special friends in Blacksburg, Mattie,” Harm said, knowing that it had been Fred, the man from the nursery who had done all this. He was awed by the beauty of it all.

The house was ablaze with holiday lights and there on the front porch, was a beautiful Christmas tree, waiting to be trimmed.

“There’s a tree, Harm. Did you do this?”

“I can’t lie or Santa won’t bring me my wish, although I think he already has,” Harm chuckled, looking at Mac, who had a big smile on her face. “I called earlier and spoke to Fred, but I just asked for a Christmas Tree.”

They were all standing outside the car, looking at the house and Mattie reached over and hugged Harm. This time, she didn’t have to tell him to hug her. He put his arms around her tightly and his eyes were on Mac. Maybe it was possible, Harm thought. Maybe there was a Santa Claus.

It was 0244 when they arrived in Blacksburg, but when they saw the lights and the tree, and walked inside and saw all the food that someone had brought over, Harm looked at Mac and Mattie. The smile he gave them made Mac go weak in the knees.

“How did you do all this,” Mattie asked Harm.

“I didn’t, Mattie. I never had the time to get back here. I called all the tree lots in Blacksburg and Fred’s Nursery was the only one open. He was just about to close, but I asked him if he could deliver a tree to your house. He said he knew you, and he even knew my name. He must have put up the lights and brought the food.”

“I can’t believe it. I don’t have any friends here.”
“Mattie, I told you that you have to start believing in people. I’m sure that Fred didn’t do this alone, so you must have other friends here.”

“They must care a lot about you,” Mac told Mattie.

“I do know Mr. Gentry and his family. His wife’s name is Wendy. They have a daughter who is a year older than me. We used to sort of be friends before my Mom died, but I’ve been too busy to…”

“Have time for your friends,” Harm finished the sentence for her. “I think what they did for you, for us, is a pretty good example of how they feel about you. We’ll have to go over to their house tomorrow, or later today, and thank them for all this. Sometimes our friends get too busy with their own personal lives, but that doesn’t mean they don’t care.”

Mac looked at Harm, filled with pride for him, pride and love. He would be a wonderful father, and from the way he was looking at her, Mac knew that some of the words were meant for her as well and perhaps even himself.

“I guess so. Since Mom died, I haven’t had time for anyone, much less time for my friends.”

“Then you and I have something in common,” Mac said, her eyes still on Harm. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes this year, but I have some great friends who are willing to forgive me. None of us are perfect, Mattie, but if we believe in each other, then things will work out for us in the end.”

“Like you and Harm,” Mattie smiled, looking from Harm to Mac.

“Yes, like Harm and I. We’ve been through a lot together and sometimes we have hurt each other and said some painful words, but in the end, we are still the very best of friends.”

Harm heard Mac’s words and tried not to read too much into them. Was she just his best friend again, or were her eyes telling him something differently. He turned to Mattie, for the first time seeing her as the happy teenager she should be instead of being forced into being a grown-up long before her time.

“What do you say? Do we trim the tree tonight, or tomorrow?”

“Oh, we have to trim it tonight if we want Santa to bring us something,” Mac said, her hand reaching out and touching Harm’s. “He’s brought me what I want already,” she added, her eyes twinkling as she gazed at Harm.

“Then I guess we trim it tonight,” Harm said, squeezing Mac’s hand.
Mattie Grace had suffered the loss of her mother that year, and the business she had cherished so much. Thanks to Harm and Mac, she still had her house, and now, as she smiled at them, Mattie knew that whatever happened, they would always be part of each other’s lives. For Mattie, her present had arrived the day Harmon Rabb, Jr. walked into her life. She smiled at Harm and Mac knowing that from the way they were looking at each other, they were each other’s gift.

TRIMMING THE TREE

Harm went outside to get the box that contained his ornaments. Since Mattie loved flying, he knew she would enjoy all the little Stearman planes along with the F-14’s. As he turned and looked back at the house, his heart seemed to stop. It was everything Harm had ever wanted, and as he gazed at it, Mac came out smiling. Harm drew in a sharp breath. It was as if he has willed her to be there, waiting for him, and now she was.

“Do you need any help,” Mac said, knowing he didn’t, but wanting to be alone with him if even for a minute or two.

“You can stand there and make the fantasy complete,” Harm said, his voice husky.

“How strange you mention fantasy. Seeing you and Mattie together, listening to you sing, well, it’s the kind of Christmas I’ve always dreamed of having. Thank you for letting me share all this with you,” Mac replied. She tried not to cry, but the tears filled her eyes, making them shiny.

“You and Mattie are the reasons that makes this night so special,” Harm said, knowing he would be nothing without Mac, and now Mattie. He walked up the steps and stood close to Mac, looking down at her.

“I’m so glad you came by, Harm. You and Mattie have made this day a happy one for me. I’ve always hated the holidays, except when we spend them together, but tonight, being here with you, well it makes the day per…”

Unable to contain himself, Harm dropped the box he was holding and closed the distance between them. He took Mac in his arms, not giving her a chance to say another word as his lips came crashing down on hers. For but a fraction of a second, Mac hesitated, then responded with an intensity that both overwhelmed them and left them hungering for so much more. Their lips were icy cold but Mac’s passionate response set them on fire, leaving both of them lost in a world of euphoric sensations and swirling mist, enveloping them in their love and passion. Mac’s arms went around Harm’s neck, pulling him down so she could get closer. Her body swayed against his and she was filled with the fire that burned within him.

Harm pressed against her, his hands going into her hair, his fingers tangled in the silkiness of her hair as their lips completely united. A soft moan escaped Mac’s lips as his tongue sought entrance to her mouth. Her lips separated, welcoming Harm. He couldn’t get close enough as he felt the heat of her mouth and their tongues dueling. Breaking apart to take in a deep breath, their lips were immediately seeking the others until their kisses left them weak, on fire, and demanding the long-denied fulfillment. The wonder of it all was that their kisses touched their souls, uniting them even as their bodies ached to be one. Their kisses reached into the very depths of their hearts, releasing a love so pure and innocent, yet so passionate and intense, they were left trembling and aching.

Unknown to them, Mattie had looked out the window and seen Harm kissing Mac, smiling happily. She didn’t intrude, instead going back to the living room where the tree was waiting to be trimmed. She began to pull out the strings of lights along with the ornaments that her mother had collected through the years with so much love. Mattie had given up hope of being with Harm, and now, she not only had him in her life, but Mac as well. She waited for almost five minutes, and then realizing how cold it was outside, she called out to them from the living room.

“Harm, Mac, what’s keeping you?”

Lost in a world of discovery, in their kisses and in each other, Harm and Mac vaguely heard a voice calling out. Harm slowly pulled away, not really wanting to let Mac go, but suddenly realizing that Mattie was waiting for them. He caressed Mac’s face with his fingers, then with light loving kisses. He rested his forehead against hers. Her eyes were filled with tears as she also remembered that Mattie was waiting for them.

“I think someone is waiting for us,” Harm said, his breath warm on her face.

“And we’re making her wait. Let’s go in and trim the tree and maybe later, we can talk, or just be alone.”

“I know we need to talk, but I would also like to continue what we started here, that is, if you agree,” Harm said, bending down and kissing Mac quickly before letting her go.

“Definitely,” Mac said, smiling up at him.

As they walked in, they saw Mattie sitting on the floor with ornaments spread out all over the floor. She looked up at them, grinning.

“It sure took you a long time to get that little box out,” Mattie said, laughing. “Did you need Mac to help you?”

“Well, we know that men can’t do anything right, don’t we,” Mac winked at Mattie.

Harm and Mac both blushed, wondering if Mattie had seen them kissing, but somehow, it didn’t matter anymore. Nothing really mattered now. It might not always be as perfect as it was tonight, but somehow, they knew they were going to be okay. Mac looked at Harm and trembled at the thought of what might happen between them during this very special holiday, knowing he was thinking the same thing. They didn’t even think about the admiral or JAG and what it could do to them. Tonight was just for them, all three of them. Mac sat down on the floor with Mattie.

“Shall we get started,” Harm asked.

“You have to put the lights up first,” Mattie said.

Hearing Harm make a groaning noise, Mac joined in.

“Oh, come on, Harm, you aren’t going to make us girls do it, are you.”

Looking at Mac, Harm wanted to take her in his arms again, but then he looked at Mattie’s expectant face, her eyes twinkling. So this was what it was like to be married and want desperately to make love, yet have children make it impossible.

“Can you girls handle untangling the lights and handing them up to me.”

“They’re already untangled,” Mattie said. “It took you and Mac so long that I did it all by myself.” She laughed when she saw Harm and Mac blush.

“This is the best Christmas I’ve ever had, Mattie,” Harm said. “The best part is that no one knows where we are, so we won’t be interrupted with phone calls. Let’s get started.”

For the next forty-five minutes, Harm, Mac and Mattie trimmed their very special Christmas tree. Harm put the lights up and then lifted Mattie up so she could put the angel on the top of the tree. She loved the little airplanes, and when she showed them the ornaments her mother had left, she explained why each one was so important to her, and why her mother had bought it.

Mac asked Mattie if she had any ribbon, and when she brought out a beautiful red and gold one, Mac got busy threading the ribbon through the tree. Harm helped them put some of the ornaments up on the top, then sat down on the floor and started playing the guitar. Once again, they sang Christmas carols until they put the last ornament on, a tiny Stearman plane that Mattie said would be special to her because it would always remind her of the day she first met Harm. As the minutes passed, Mattie began yawning and she wasn’t just pretending. She was very tired and sleepy, but looking forward to their weekend together. Mattie Grace had expected to spend Christmas in a foster home with strangers, and now, she was in her own home with Harm and Mac, but her joy didn’t stop her from being a very sleepy young girl.

Mattie stood back and looked at the tree. She went over and got the envelope that held the note she had written Mac and put it under the tree. Seeing this, Harm did the same thing.

“I don’t have a note, but I will have one by the time we get up. And we can go shopping the day after Christmas and make up for all the presents that should be under there now.” Mac looked over and saw Mattie trying to stifle another yawn. It was almost five in the morning and by now the young girl was falling asleep.

“I’m going up to bed,” Mattie said. “Santa Harm already brought my presents, so I don’t need anything else. Don’t wake me up early. Oh, and by the way, there is a nice big bedroom on the downstairs floor and more upstairs, but I think you and Harm might like the one downstairs,” Mattie told Mac, yawning again, her eyelids closing.

Mattie went over to Harm and put her arms around him, looking up at him.

“Thank you, Harm. Is it okay if I tell you I love you?”

“Thank YOU, Mattie, for enriching my life so much, and it’s very much okay if you tell me you love me because you see, I love you too. See you much later.” Harm kissed the top of Mattie’s head.

Mattie hugged Mac and kissed her on the cheek, then went off to bed. She was one very tired and sleepy, but very, very happy young lady.

Left alone, Harm turned to Mac, his body craving for her love, but he knew they had to talk first. Looking at his watch, he glanced at Mac.

“Are you as tired as Mattie?”

“The only thing I’m tired of is wasting time. Harm, I know we’ve been up all night, but there are things that need to be said, and I don’t want any misunderstandings to ruin our Christmas. Is it okay if we talk now? I’ll get you some coffee.”

“I’m fine, Mac. I agree. We need to talk. First I just want to tell you that having you here has made these last few hours incredible. Having Mattie in my life is something I never expected, but now, with both of you here, I feel as if my heart is about to burst with joy. No matter what happens after this weekend, Mac, I just wanted you to know that, okay?”

“Okay. Being here with you and Mattie is like a dream come true for me. I thought I would be alone all day, and now, here I am, with you and Mattie, and oh, Harm, there’s so much I want to tell you.”

Harm and Mac sat down in front of the fire. The flames that roared within them made the warmth from the fireplace pale in comparison. Harm asked Mac is she wanted anything to drink, but she said all she wanted to do was to get their talk over with so they could pick up where they had left off. Harm felt the heat engulf him. Then he became serious, needing to know why Mac had lied to him, or if, indeed, she had.

“Mac, why did you tell me you had a date with Webb?”

“Somehow, I knew that would be your first question and I don’t really blame you. You deserve an honest answer, but I just don’t know why I did it, Harm. I don’t know why I’ve done all the crazy things I have these past few months, starting with all the hurtful things I said to you in…”

“Let’s not mention that place again, okay?”

Harm looked away from Mac, remembering her words and how he felt when he heard them. He listened as Mac continued.

“You came to thank me, Harm, you and Mattie, but it is me who should be thanking both of you. I…”

“But you’re the one who made it possible for Mattie and I to be together, Mac. And you walked away before I had a chance to tell you how much it meant to me to have you appear in court on my behalf after my hateful words to you.”

“Perhaps I deserved those words, Harm. You were right. I’ve made it very clear to you that there is no ‘us’ and yet, when you did something as important as petitioning the courts to be Mattie’s guardian, it hurt me that you had not shared it with me. I have to confess that I also hated the fact that you were in the CIA and we would no longer be sharing our lives, and then when you told me about Mattie, I couldn’t believe you hadn’t said anything to me.”

“I would have, Mac, if you and I had ever spent any time together. I don’t want to hurt you again, like I did with Mic. I like Clay. He’s been a good friend to me, not to mention bringing Sergei home from Chechnya. We’ve known him for so long that I just never expected for you to become involved with him, and it isn’t any of my business, no matter how I feel about you. As for the CIA, I had no choice in that matter. I hate the secrecy and ‘need to know’ concept under which they operate. I could never do the things that Clay does, and when the admiral asked me to come back, it was like a locked door opening up for me. I would have told you about Mattie, but I really did believe you had moved on with your life and I was no longer a part of it.”

“Forgive me for deceiving you for so long. Harm, there never was a Clay and me, not the way you think. I felt guilty for having him endure so much pain for me, to protect me, and because of that, I was blinded to everything else. I can’t even ask you to forgive me, because I have to forgive myself first. Clay and I had two dates, and after the second one, he kissed me…”

“You don’t have to tell me,” Harm said, trying to turn away, but Mac held him, not letting him look away.

“Yes I do. He kissed me once, and after the kiss, he drew back and looked at me and just smiled. He told me then that if I didn’t tell you how I felt about you, he would. I was terrified he would contact you, so I kept telling you I had a date with him so you wouldn’t want to talk to him. I wanted to be the one to tell you, but somehow, I felt you were keeping something from me, and that hurt me. It’s very immature, I know, but somehow, it gave me a reason to continue to blame you, so I kept up the lie about Clay just to taunt you. That night, when he kissed me, he told me that I belonged to you so completely, it was foolish for any man to…”

“Do you,” Harm interrupted her words, his voice a bare whisper as he held his breath waiting for her answer.

“Do you have to ask,” Mac murmured, drawing closer to him.

“Yes, I do. I have to hear the words from you, not from someone else.”

“Then, yes, I belong only to you. I’ve belonged to you since the day we met, no matter how much I fought my feelings. Didn’t you know that?”

“How could I? You almost married Mic, and then Clay and then there was…oh what does it matter.”

“What about you?”

“Need you ask,” Harm said, his fingers doing a sensual dance on her arms, making her shiver.

“I want to hear the words from you,” Mac said, her lips hungry for his kisses.

“I can’t remember a time I wasn’t in love with you. You are my life.”

“Why have we hurt each other so much,” Mac cried, resting her head against his chest.

“Mac, tell me I’m not destroying your life again, please. I want you so much right now I ache all over. I never knew I could feel like this about any woman, but these last few months have been torture. My only consolation was Mattie. I destroyed your life with Mic, and I vowed not to do it again. When the admiral refused to take me back, and I was set adrift to wander in whatever direction my life would take, I was so alone. But I could have lived without everyone else except you. After you left Mattie and I last night, telling me you had a date with Webb and walked away, you took my heart with you, Sarah MacKenzie, and if I’m making a fool of myself now…”

Mac’s fingers on his lips stilled his words. She had made such a mess of things and she wondered if she could ever make Harm understand when she herself didn’t understand her actions.

“If I took your heart with me, I left mine with you and Mattie,” Mac said softly.

“You know if we give in to our desires, our love, that things are going to change at JAG, don’t you?”

“Harm, right now, all that matters to me is you, being in your arms. There may be a world outside, but my universe is in your arms and your life. If you’re a fool, then so am I, because I need you to make me yours.” By the time Mac finished speaking, her voice was shaking and tears were streaming down her face. Her body was on fire, but it was a heat that consumed not only their bodies and hearts but their very souls.

Harm stood up, drawing Mac to him. His lips came down on hers, swallowing whatever words she was going to say. His arms encircled her waist, drawing her tightly against him. Her lips parted beneath his as his tongue was met by hers, dueling and tasting, deepening the kiss until they were both breathless. They separated for a second, taking in a deep breath as Mac’s arms slid around Harm’s neck, pulling him back to her. She pressed her body against him, swerving from one side to the other, awed by the unbelievable hardness and heat of his arousal. His hands slipped down to her rear, grasping her tighter as his hips began to thrust against her in rhythm to his tongue penetrating her mouth. Surrendering unconditionally to their desire, Harm and Mac were engulfed in the love they had so long denied.

Minutes later, Harm and Mac broke their kisses and their eyes spoke for them spilling over with their finally admitted love. Their hearts were pounding as the blood roared through them in a heady anticipation. After eight long years, tonight they would become one, tonight they would share their love.

“I thought it was necessary for us to talk, but all that is important is how much I love you. I’ve felt so lost and alone without you all these past months. Tonight, when you and Mattie came by, I was thinking about you. I even served a glass of wine for you, pretending that you would be arriving soon. Harm, I don’t ever want to feel that empty again. You’ve given me a reason to laugh and to hope and to love.” Mac had paused between words to kiss Harm’s lips, his hands, and his chest. Her hand reached down and touched his straining bulge, causing Harm to gasp.

“Mac, if I had to go through everything I went through this past year just to have you in my arms tonight, it was worth it because I want you in my arms for the rest of the night and the rest of my life. Tonight you gave me back my life and my very soul, and now I return it to you. I am free, Mac, free to tell you how much I love you. Free to hold you in my arms and share our love. Shall we see how big that bed is now? Unless we have some earth-shattering revelations, we have more important things to do than talk. I want to hold you against me with nothing between us. I want to taste you and I am starving for your love. Mac, my beautiful Sarah, I love you so much.” Harm’s voice had been a soft whisper, breaking from time to time, and pausing as he would take her lips and claim them hungrily.

Putting his arm around her waist, Harm and Mac turned all the lights out, then went to the front bedroom. Mattie was right. It was huge and held a king sized bed.

“You know, I’ve often fantasized about making love to you,” Harm said, his lips on her forehead. “I’ve even wondered where we would make love, but I never dreamed it would be in a home like this one. Mac, I’ve never felt like this, a little afraid, perhaps even terrified I won’t make you hap…”

“There is no man on earth who could make me happier than you. Harm, I’ve fantasized about us making love also, and I just want to be in your arms. I want to feel your bare flesh against mine. I’m shaking at the thought of having you inside of me. I want your lips around my…”

By now, their hands, fingers and kisses had ignited fires everywhere Harm and Mac touched each other. The lights from outside twinkled on and off through the window as Harm pulled off Mac’s sweater and shirt beneath. His lips were leaving a wet trail of kisses from her lips to her ears and down her throat. The room became a haze of sensations as Harm took one of Mac’s breasts in his mouth, lifting her and setting her gently on the center of the bed. Mac whimpered and twisted towards Harm, filling his mouth and asking him to drink from them.

The room began to spin for Mac, the flames within growing out of control. Harmon Rabb, Jr. and Sarah MacKenzie were blissfully intoxicated by their love, but they were both amazed and shocked by their total union. Even before their bodies became one Harm and Mac were already one in soul, mind, and heart.

Reality far transcended Harm’s fantasies about Mac, as it did Mac’s dreams of having Harm make love to her. As if in a trance, Harm removed the rest of Mac’s clothing, leaving her completely bare. He had to stop to stare at her, taking a deep breath.

“You are exquisite,” Harm murmured as his hands reached out to touch her. “I’ve always known you are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met, but you are incredible.” Harm bent down and claimed her lips again, already swollen from their frenzied kisses.

Mac arched her body into Harm’s hands, wanting more of him as she reached out to remove his jeans. She struggled but could not bring herself to break the kiss. Harm removed his belt and drew away long enough to remove his boots. Finally, Mac was able to remove the last barrier between them as she pulled his jeans down, taking his boxers with them. She stared at the beauty of his arousal, the only part of Harm’s body she had never seen. She stared at him, her eyes traveling the length of his body. He was beautiful. He was perfect, and he was hers. Her fingers wrapped around his erection, causing Harm to make a growling sound. She moved over, kissing the satiny softness of his arousal’s burning skin.

“Sa…Sa…no…wait…”, Harm couldn’t finish a single sentence as he lowered himself onto the bed beside Mac, immediately reaching out for her.

“I…lov…love you, Harm,” Mac whispered against his chest, her fingers squeezing his rigid manhood. She felt the warm liquid on top, bending down to kiss him and drink the sticky white wetness.

Harm drew Mac back to him, his hands beginning a journey over her body as his lips closed over her breasts once more. He had dreamed of doing this for years, and now, that dream had become a reality. He nursed hungrily with Mac’s encouragement as her hands traveled Harm’s body, finding places on him that would elicit soft moans. He felt Mac stiffening against him as she put her hands on the back of his head and pulled him to her.

“Faster, Harm…oooohhhh…don’t…stop. Ooooohhhhh, Haaaarrrrmmm,” Mac cried out softly as she felt the flames spread through her. The sensations consuming her were unknown to her until now.

The flames that engulfed Mac spilled onto Harm. His body was trembling fiercely, anticipating sharing those flames with her.

Harm’s hand went down between her legs, touching the soft curls, feeling them moist as he reached in and began massaging her throbbing bud. Mac cried out again, her legs wrapped around his, as she thrust against him, moaning as she came into contact with his own aching arousal. Mac was entering a heaven she had never known with any man. Her only awareness was that this was her beloved Harm in her arms and that it was his lips around her breasts, and that they would soon traverse the universe together.

As terrifying as his emotions were, Harm felt the rightness of them. Harmon Rabb, Jr. had never allowed any woman to enter his very soul, yet with Mac, it was as if he could live without her there to share it with him, to be a part of him. He trembled from within as his lips and tongue continued to pleasure Mac, holding her in his arms as her own body shuddered. Harm gave in to the mist that enveloped them as he lifted up, settling himself between her legs.

Their eyes locked, saying all the things they could never verbalize, Harm experienced the miracle of sinking slowly into Mac’s heat, feeling her walls tighten around him. They could not breathe as the sensations rolled over them like thunderous waves on a stormy sea. They could not move for fear of breaking the wonder of that moment. Time stood still until Harm felt Mac tighten her grasp on him, causing him to gasp. She looked up at him, stifling a scream of joy as she felt him throbbing within her, stroking her with his burning love. It seemed as if seconds passed, yet it felt like an eternity. Harm couldn’t hold still any longer as he pulled out and then plunged back into her welcoming heat. She was moist, but so tight.

Mac had never been more complete as she was when Harm filled her with his love. She wanted all of him, needed all of him, could not live without all of him. They began their seductive dance of in and out, thrusting up and plunging in, the heat becoming so intense, they thought their hearts would explode. Their movements became frenzied. Harm was so deep inside of her that there was no separation between the two of them. They were truly one. The ripples of heat that joined them so ecstatically began to spread as Harm’s plunging became faster and faster. Mac’s fingernails dug into his backside, pulling him even closer.

Harm pulled out, breathing hard, then plunged with such force that Mac was sent spiraling in the heavens. He plunged once again, joining her, spilling all his seed into her, filling her. The ripples of heat turned into an out of control inferno, and still he continued to fill her. Harm and Mac were bonded together for all time to come. Their lips sought each other’s frantically, their tongues colliding even as their bodies had done. Mac would not allow Harm to withdraw, instead thrusting into him repeatedly, despite the delicious weakness that overwhelmed her. Nothing either of them had ever experienced could begin to compare to what they were sharing.

The waves of flames consumed them in a warm cocoon as their lips fanned the fires, igniting a passion they had denied, but had always known was theirs. Mac reached down and held Harm to her, kissing his chest, sucking on his nipples and wrapping her legs around him, creating a sensual tempo, already feeling Harm growing within her. She was awed by the sensation it created in her.

Always a passionate man, Harm had never shared such a powerful and beautiful orgasm as he had with Mac. He had let go completely, surrendering unconditionally to the emotions that consumed him and now, he tried to catch his breath as he experienced the wonder of another erection. He was so deep into Mac, the bond so holy and magical, he marveled at what was happening to them. Within seconds, Harm’s erection was hard as steel, stroking Mac deep within her liquid walls, causing her to squeal with delight. She squeezed him so tight, he could hardly move, but then their bodies began their dance once more.

Daylight had dawned and it was Christmas Day. Harm and Mac had made love three times, unable to get enough of the other. They tried to be quiet, realizing that Mattie was upstairs, and every time Mac or Harm would moan loudly, the other one would place their lips on them, stilling their voices, but definitely not their bodies. Satiated for now, Harm and Mac fell asleep in each other’s arms, their legs so wrapped together they were almost as one.

The only words that had been spoken during the past five hours had been of their love for the other. Once said, they could not repeat the words enough, but they were no longer necessary. Sleeping peacefully, Harm and Mac had indeed been given a special Christmas gift.

MATTIE’S HOUSE
BLACKSBURG, VA
1113 HOURS

Mac didn’t know what woke her up, but she immediately realized where she was and smiled happily. Glancing lovingly at Harm, she had always known that he was a passionate man, but last night, or this morning, he had made her realized that she had no idea just how much. There were parts of her body that were still red and swollen from Harm’s lips and sucking, but just thinking about it make her shiver with anticipation. They would make love again until their bodies begged for mercy. Smiling seductively, and remembering the last few hours, Mac knew that their bodies would never beg for mercy.

Suddenly remembering that it was Christmas Day and that Mattie was probably already up, Mac carefully removed Harm’s arm from around her, got up quietly, and went to take a shower. Once again, the memory of their lovemaking made Mac tremble, but she tried to hurry. There was something she had to do. Getting dressed quickly, she went upstairs to check on Mattie when she didn’t see her in the kitchen. Mattie was still sound asleep. Mac looked down at the little girl that had broken all the barriers between her and Harm, already loving her.

Mac went to the kitchen and started the coffee, although she knew that Harm would probably want tea. She also set some water boiling in a pot instead of a teakettle, not wanting the whistle to wake Mattie or Harm. After she finished, Mac went back to the bedroom she had shared with Harm. He, like Mattie, was also sound asleep. Mac chuckled. She had worn him out.

After her first cup of coffee, Mac went and got the two envelopes that were under the tree. She read the one from Mattie first, feeling the tears welling up in her eyes. Then she picked up Harm’s note to her, seeing his firm, masculine writing on the front with just one word – Mac.

Reading the letter three times, Mac felt the tears streaming down her face. Harm thought she had given him Mattie because she was no longer interested in fulfilling a promise they made so long ago. She kissed the paper the note was written on, leaving it wet from her tears. Looking around, Mac finally found a tablet and pen and sat down to write her own notes.

The first one was to Mattie.

Dear Mattie,

If I gave you a gift by interceding on your behalf, then you have given me a blessing. You have helped me to realize some things about myself that have set me free.

Thank you for allowing me to share this Christmas Day with you and Harm in your beautiful home. Perhaps I’ve known you for just a short time, but I have already grown to love you and think of you as part of our family.

You are a very special young lady, Mattie Grace, and I thank you for coming into my life.

Merry Christmas.

Love,

Mac

Her note to Harm would be much shorter for she knew exactly what she wanted to say to him.
My Dearest Flyboy,

Don’t try to get out of our deal. Mattie is a bonus, but you and I still have a baby to make, or perhaps two or three. I am madly in love with you, Harmon Rabb, Jr., and if last night was a beginning, we will never have an end.

Merry Christmas, my love, and let’s get started on our baby, that is, if we didn’t make her or him last night.

I love you,

Mac

Putting both notes in envelopes, Mac quickly put them under the tree, along with her own from Mattie and Harm. She then walked into the kitchen, served a cup of coffee, and went back to the bedroom, where Harm was still sprawled out on the bed. With no clothes on, Mac almost dropped the cup as her eyes gazed at him. She wanted to take him in her mouth and taste the warmth of his love spilling into her, but she remembered Mattie. Instead, she walked over to the bed, put the coffee down on the bedside stand, and wrapped her fingers around his hardened member. Harm gasped, his eyes opening quickly, smiling as he looked at Mac.

“It wasn’t a dream, was it,” Harm asked, reaching out to touch her breasts.

“Better not be,” Mac murmured, bending down to kiss him. “I brought you some coffee.”

“I prefer you,” Harm said, pulling her down across him, their lips meeting in what was meant to be a light kiss but quickly turned into a hungry one.

“I prefer you too,” Mac said, drawing away reluctantly, “but Mattie is upstairs, and it is almost noon. Merry Christmas, my passionate lover.”

“What a wondrous Christmas it has been,” Harm replied, sitting up in bed. He grinned as he saw Mac looking at his arousal. “Like what you see?”

“Very much,” Mac said, her mouth watering. “Even if we have to make love in the car, I will swallow you up until you ex…”

“Mac! Woman, you’re driving me crazy.”

“Want me to describe it a little more. Let’s see, I’ll slowly open my mouth as I massage you just like this…”

“Is Mattie awake,” Harm asked huskily.

“Not yet. Here let me show what I’d like to do,” Mac smiled wickedly, her fingers tightening around him.

Harm grabbed her hand, although he really didn’t want to stop her. He not only wanted to hear what she was going to do to him, he could hardly wait until she did.

“You like to torture me, don’t you,” Harm said, his hand now doing some tormenting of his own as he unbuttoned her jeans and opened them, his hand struggling to go between her legs. He felt her wetness and heat, knowing they were both ready.

Pulling her sweater over her head, he quickly surrounded her breast with the heat of his mouth. Contentedly, he sucked and pulled, hearing her soft moans even as she struggled to fill his mouth even more. Like a newborn child, he nursed as his fingers found Mac’s most sensitive spot, massaging it until he felt her straining against him. He released her breast and claimed her lips, his fingers now entering her as she writhed against him. She was on fire, and taking him with her. Within seconds, her pants were off and she was on top, sighing from sheer joy as she slid down his erection, immediately reacting to his heat. Harm returned to the warmth of her breasts. It didn’t take long for them to ascend to the heights they had earlier, for Harm was famished for their love, and as she slid up and down on him, he suckled on her breast, harder and faster to match her tempo.

Exploding with a force that left them clinging to each other, Harm and Mac welcomed the waves of heat that engulfed them until they could not move. His lips now sought hers. Their kisses kept the fires burning until they heard a noise upstairs, realizing that Mattie was awake. Slowly, Harm released her.

“What a wonderful way to be awakened. This is just a beginning, Sarah,” Harm told her, still breathless. “Merry Christmas, my love.” The waves of heat faded to ripples of warmth, but they knew it wouldn’t be long before they would share their love again. For now, this was Christmas Day and Mattie was waiting for them. They would have to put their need aside until tonight.

Mac gave Harm a light kiss, straightened her clothes, and went out to see if Mattie was downstairs. Harm went into the shower, humming. His life was complete now. He trembled as he recalled the passion between his beloved Sarah and him. Harm wondered how he could have lived for over forty years without sharing his heart and soul with her. The next forty or fifty years would belong to her, to them and their love, finally acknowledged. He sobered a little aware of the fact that their careers would suffer, but he could not give Sarah up now. If he had to retire, he would as long as he could come home to her every night and spend it in her arms.

Mac looked for Mattie, but she wasn’t downstairs yet, so she went into the kitchen to look for something to make for breakfast. They had brought eggs, bread, bacon, ham, butter, pancake mix and other groceries with them, so she decided that pancakes would be the best for Harm. Sarah MacKenzie had a glorious smile on her face as Mattie finally came downstairs.

“Merry Christmas, Mac. Where’s Harm?”

“Merry Christmas to you Mattie. Harm’s taking a shower, but he’ll be out soon I’m sure,” Mac said, her voice so different from the way it had sounded the previous night.

Mattie couldn’t help smiling, anxious to see if Harm was as happy as Mac, but she didn’t have any doubts.

“I’m good at making pancakes, so why don’t I make them,” Mattie commented. “You make the ham and bacon. What else does Harm like?”

Mac laughed. Mattie evidently wasn’t aware that Harm was a vegetarian.

“Pancakes and maybe eggs. Orange juice and coffee.”

“Oh, that’s right. Harm doesn’t eat too much meat, does he,” Mattie said, looking at Mac.

“Make that he doesn’t eat any meat at all,” Mac chuckled.

“Oh, yuck,” Mattie said. “Does that mean that he won’t eat the bacon and ham?”

“Probably not. When I eat a hamburger, he always says I’m eating a dead cow.”

“Well, you are,” Harm’s voice filled the room. “Dead cows and dead pigs. Merry Christmas, Mattie, and what a beautiful day it is. Did you see the snowdrifts outside? We’ll be able to build a huge snowman. Now, what’s for breakfast?” The smile on Harm’s face was as beautiful as Mac’s, Mattie noticed.

Harm took Mattie in his arms, hugging her tightly; his eyes meeting Mac’s over Mattie’s head. He felt like he was the luckiest man in the world.

“See, Harm, I told you Mac loved you as much as you love her.”

Harm grinned at both of them. He looked at Mac and trembled remembering the last few hours with her. He wondered if this day could get any better, or if something was going to come crashing down on him.

“Yes, you did, didn’t you? I told you that you should believe in people. But sometimes, things happen and we stop believing. I know I did." Looking at Mac, he eyes went soft and full of love as he told her why. "I thought I’d lost…”

“Never,” Mac whispered as her eyes told him how much she loved him.

“You know, Mattie, Harm told me you were only fifteen years old, but that you were far wiser that he and I. I have to agree with him. Why don’t we have breakfast and then go build some snowmen?”

“I saw two more envelopes under the tree,” Harm said. “Wonder who they’re for and if maybe Santa brought them.”

“Not Santa, just me,” Mac grinned happily.

Harm shocked both Mattie and Mac when he took some ham with his pancakes. He made a face, but he did eat everything he had put on his plate. The three of them washed dishes and then went into the living room.

Mac had resealed the envelopes and now Harm handed her the one he had written to her.

“It’s not relevant anymore,” he said, “but I still want you to read it.” He handed it to her. Mac knew it wasn’t relevant anymore and her body ached to be in his arms once more, yet she was also looking forward to a great day with Mattie.

Mattie picked hers up and handed one to Mac and one to Harm, which surprised him. He took it from her and looked into her eyes, seeing the tears that were threatening to spill down.
“Read it,” Mattie said, trying not to cry.

Harm tore the envelope open and pulled out the paper. He didn’t realize that he had been holding his breath until he saw the first sentence.

Dear Harm,

One day, a few months ago, a tall, handsome man with very sad eyes came into my life. He looked as lost as I felt. His name was Harmon Rabb, Jr., as I soon found out and since that day, my life has never been the same.

During the next few months, you became very important to me as we grew to know each other. I didn’t really believe in people, not after my mother died, but you never let me down. You taught me to understand that things don’t happen just to hurt me, or you, but because that’s how life is. Sometimes things happen to make us stronger, and I think I am learning that from you.

My heart broke that day in court when the judge said I could not stay with you, and I could see in your eyes how sad you really were, and how alone you looked. I wanted so much to throw myself in your arms and just hug you and cry, but I couldn’t do it. Since my Mom died, I’ve been on my own, but then you came along, and now Mac, and hopefully things will change for all of us.

I can say it now because I mean it. I love you, Harmon Rabb, Jr., not as I would love my father, or an uncle, but as a man who cared enough about me to take care of me. I truly do believe that Mom sent you to me, just as now I think fate or God, (and I am still working on believing in Him) sent Mac to help us.

Merry Christmas, Harm, and I hope I bring a smile to your face and joy to your heart as you have done to me. And I know you and Mac will be together because I can see how much you love each other.

Love,

Mattie Grace

By the time Harm had finished reading the letter, the tears were making his blue-green eyes shiny with terars even as he chuckled at some of the things Mattie had written. He turned to her and hugged her.

“I love you, too, Mattie, and now I have everything I’ve ever hoped for, at least for now.”

Harm handed the note to Mac, looking at Mattie, almost as if to get her approval. She nodded her head. Mac took it and read it.
After Mac read it, she handed it back to Harm and gave him the one she had written. Harm read it, the smile on his face getting wider, if that was possible.

“Well, Mattie, maybe by next year I will have everything I’ve ever wanted,” Harm said softly, still hugging her, one hand reaching out to caress Mac’s face and pull her into the circle of his arms.

Christmas 2003 had started out as a very lonely one and had turned into a miracle for all three of them.
For almost two minutes, Mattie Grace, Harmon Rabb, Jr., and Sarah MacKenzie shared and knew the true meaning of Christmas. Mattie was the first to break away.

“We’re getting too mushy. Why don’t we go build a snowman? I’ll go get dressed so you and Harm can kiss and cuddle without me.” Mattie ran up the stairs, not giving Harm or Mac a chance to say anything. “I’ll give you ten minutes before I come back down, so Harm, make it quick.”

“Get out of here,” Harm called out to a disappearing Mattie, reaching for Mac and claiming her lips, hearing her soft moan as she leaned into his chest.

“She reminds me of Chloe. What a wonderful day you’ve given us, Harm,” Mac said, her lips closing on his again.

“Hmmmm. Somehow, I think you had more to do with it than I have, but about our deal. Can we work on it tonight?”

“Definitely,” Mac said, as her tongue collided with his in one last kiss before they went to get bundled up to build a snowman. ****POSTED THRU HERE ON MY SITE – 1-12-04 – 11:13 PM

PLAYING IN THE SNOW
BLACKSBURG, VA
CHRISTMAS DAY, 2003

Thanks to all the food the neighbours had brought over, Harm and Mac did not have to worry about dinner. They spent the next hour playing in the snow.

Mac and Mattie built a “Harm” snowman, making him quite tall and using one of his shirts to put on him. By the time they finished, they were both soaking wet and went inside to get warm, leaving Harm outside to build “Mac” and “Mattie” snow people to match his, standing next to him. He was going to put Mattie between Mac and him, and in the end, put Mac right next to him, and somehow managed to make “Mac’s” snowman arm go around him. Mattie was on the other side of him. He added as much greenery from the evergreens to make it look like Mac had on a combat uniform, then ran inside and got one of her covers to put on top. Like Mac and Mattie, he was soaking wet and cold.

Deciding to have some dinner and warm up, they all sat by the fire, everyone trying to talk at the same time. Mattie told them she was happy for them and even happier that they were all together in Blacksburg for Christmas. After a while, Mattie and Mac challenged Harm to a snowball fight.

“You two think you can beat me,” Harm said, laughing happily.

“We don’t think, we know, don’t we Mattie,” Mac said.

Mac and Mattie went out and thoroughly enjoyed the “family” Harm had made out of their snowmen.

“You and Mac need a baby of your own,” Mattie said, “and I can babysit.”

Looking at Mac, Harm grinned sensually.

“Maybe by this time next year,” Harm said.

Mattie and Mac ganged up on Harm. Splats and screams were heard again and again until finally, Harm decided he had had enough. He sneaked up behind them, pushed them both down in the snow and then covered them with more.

“This isn’t fair,” Mattie yelled.

“No, it isn’t,” Mac agreed. “We’ll get you yet.”

Harm fell on the snow laughing, telling them he was making a snow angel.

“We’ll have to put horns on you, Harm,” Mattie said and Mac just broke out laughing.

Once again, wet and cold, they all went in. Mattie went upstairs to shower and change clothes, while Harm made some hot chocolate as Mac took her shower. They had already decided to go over to Fred’s house and thank him and his family for all they had done. Mattie also wanted to see Michelle, their daughter. Fred and Wendy Gentry had six children and Michelle was the second oldest. They had a son named Casey who was sixteen years old and had a crush on Mattie.

Mattie walked downstairs just as Harm came in from the kitchen with the hot chocolate. After he had his shower and dressed and they all ate, they started off to the Gentry’s house, which was about five miles away. The snow had stopped during the day, and now, as evening was beginning to descend on them, it was beginning to fall again.

The next two hours were incredible for all of them. Fred turned out to be a man about Harm’s age, but looked at least ten years older. He had a farm, owned a nursery, and worked very hard. His wife, Wendy, was very friendly and glad to have them over, immediately welcoming them.

“Commander Rabb, I think it’s wonderful what you have done for Mattie. She’s been so alone and bitter since her Mom died. She looks so different now.”

“Please call me Harm, and this is Mac, short for MacKenzie.”

Harm then went on to tell them that it was Mac who had made it all possible, explaining the situation. Mattie had gone upstairs to talk to Michelle and Casey.

Wendy and Fred insisted that they have some pie and coffee when Harm and Mac told them that they had already had dinner. It was Wendy who told Harm and Mac about Mattie.

“We really don’t know what happened between Jennifer, Mattie’s mother, and her father. They seemed to be such a happy family, always attending church and being very neighborly, especially when help was needed. Then, about two years ago, Jenny stopped going to church except for choir, and the rumours spread that she had separated from her husband. Further rumours spread about his drinking and another woman, but we were too busy to listen to the rumours until Jenny was killed in a horrible accident. They had had an argument in town and had been overheard by several of the townspeople. They saw Jenny struggling with her husband as he pushed her into the car. Mattie was here with Michelle when the sheriff came to tell us about the accident. After Jenny was buried, Mr. Johnson disappeared and Mattie stopped coming over. Michelle tried to help her, but Mattie just withdrew from everyone. We had no idea she was alone in that house because there was an aunt and uncle over there after Jenny’s funeral who told everyone that they would be there with her. Mattie let everyone believe that they were still there, but eventually we learned the truth. We tried helping her, but by then, Mattie had become quite bitter and wanted nothing to do with anyone. No child of fourteen should have to live the way she did. She ran the business and lived all alone. She wouldn’t let any of us help her. I was about to deliver our baby daughter, so I couldn’t offer much help.”

Harm and Mac were stunned upon hearing what Mattie had been through during the last year.

“You tried, Wendy, and that’s all that matters. When I met Mattie, I soon learned that she can be very stubborn, but something about her touched me.” Harm remembered the day he met Mattie, realizing that both Mattie and he were just two lost souls.

“Do you have other children,” Fred asked, holding his wife’s hand.

“No,” Harm said, looking at Mac, also holding on tightly to her hand.
“Well, I’m just glad you came into her life,” Wendy said.

About that time, Michelle came running down the stairs, pulling Mattie behind her.

“Mom, can Mattie spend the night with us, please,” Michelle pleaded. “We haven’t seen each other in a long…”

“You don’t have to give us reasons, Michelle. Of course she can stay, that is, if it’s all right with you, Com…Harm.”

“It will give you and Mac a chance…”

“Mattie,” Harm interrupted her before she said anything that would embarrass Mac. “Yes, you can stay, if you promise to behave.”

Mac smiled, holding back a chuckle as she witnessed with her own eyes the glorious transformation of her beloved Harm. He was treating Mattie as if they had been father and daughter for years.

“You don’t have a change of clothes,” Mac told Mattie.

“That’s okay,” Michelle answered. “We wear the same size and we were always wearing each other’s clothes.”

After another thirty minutes, Harm and Mac left, reminding Mattie to be good. As they drove off, Mac sat very close to Harm, her hand on his thigh.

“I thought my life was bad,” Mac said, resting her head on Harm’s shoulder. “Poor Mattie had to become an adult overnight, and she didn’t turn to alcohol, or to other bad habits. What a terrible tragedy.”

“Yes it was,” Harm agreed. “The only thing she’s ever told me is that her mother died and her father was responsible. I wonder if he ran away with the other woman because Mattie’s feelings towards her father are very bitter.”

“I hate what you have been through this past year, Harm, but you know, sometimes things happen for a reason. If you had been at JAG, or even with the CIA, you would never have met Mattie and changed her life. Some good did come out of it.”

“The best part is that you are here with us. Hey, we’re finally home and I’m glad because the snow is really coming down now.”

MATTIE’S HOME
CHRISTMAS DAY 2003
2130 HOURS

Harm had walked in and started a fire right away, warming the room up quickly and giving it a soft glow. Mac had gone into the bedroom and came out wearing the nightgown she had worn when she and Harm had been in Russia. Although nothing had happened, it had a special meaning for both of them. She also had the red negligee she was wearing when Harm and Mattie had arrived at her door the previous night. So much had happened in just twenty-four hours.

As Mac walked in, Harm looked up and smiled at her, his heart racing as he saw what she was wearing. He didn’t realize he was holding his breath until he finally gasped. Mac sat down next to him by the fireplace. They didn’t speak for several minutes, just staring at the flickering flames while their hands and fingers caressed each other.

Harm had tossed all the pillows from the sofa and some from their bedroom on the floor, including a nice quilt. Somehow, he had an idea they would be making love in front of the fireplace. Mac was trembling. She was alone with Harm at last, and tonight, they could make love and all the noise they wanted to, without having to worry about Mattie.

“I seem to recall that nightgown,” Harm said, his fingers touching the lace as he reached further down and felt the soft skin of her breasts. “I’ve had fantasies of you wearing it and me taking it off.”

“Oh, you have, have you,” Mac whispered, leaning closer to him. Her hand went under his sweater. “I can’t count the time I’ve dreamed about the two of us being alone with me wearing only this nightgown. After last night, I have to say that my dreams and fantasies pale in comparison to reality. I love you, Harm.”

Pushing her down softly against one of the pillows, Harm bent down, claiming her lips, his entire insides burning with his need for her. He had never felt this way about any woman. He wanted to share every aspect of his life with her. Their kiss began as a gentle one, but Mac’s immediate and passionate response turned it into the beginning of what would be an incredible night together.

“Sarah, you are so beautiful,” Harm whispered, his lips touching hers.

“As are you,” Mac murmured.

Mac shifted her body just enough so that she was practically under Harm, then she lifted his sweater over his head. She began to kiss his chest and took one of his nipples between her teeth, biting gently. She heard Harm moan and whisper her name. She struggled with his belt until he lifted up and took it off. Mac sat up, reaching to remove his pants. It didn’t take long for Harm to be naked under the quilt he had brought.

“This is my fairy tale come true,” Mac told Harm, claiming his lips once again.

Harm began his slow, deliciously tortuous travels over Mac’s body. He left a trail of wet kisses from her lips to her shoulder, where he pulled the nightgown aside, his tongue tasting her. His entire body was shaking so much, he wondered if he would survive the wonder of this night. He kissed her arm all the way down, finally pulling off one side of her gown, leaving one breast bare and inviting. He looked into her eyes and whispered that he loved her before bending his head and wrapping his lips and mouth around her nipple and breast. She moaned and writhed under him, pulling him closer to her. Like Harm, Mac felt a heat that seemed to consume not only their bodies but the entire room. She felt Harm sucking on her breast, as she whimpered and asked for more. Harm finally reached out and removed the other side of her gown, once again tasting her, nibbling on her and sucking on her shoulder, her throat and going back down to the other breast, waiting for his attention.

Sliding the rest of the gown off all the way, Sarah MacKenzie and Harmon Rabb lay bare on the pillows, the quilt over them. The world no longer existed for them. Harm felt Mac pressing against him, her hands reaching for his aching arousal. His hands went down between her legs. His mouth still surrounded one of her breasts, drinking with the same intensity with which he was penetrating her with his fingers. She felt the rush of heat come over her. The room seemed to disappear; leaving her in a haze of sensations and emotions that seemed to increase with every second. Harm was like a starving baby as he nursed from her full breasts hungrily, faster and faster, her moans and cries arousing him to an almost unbearable state. Neither one of them were even capable of thinking coherently. They were intoxicated with their love and the wonder of their surrender.

Their bodies were on fire as Harm and Mac were lifted in a world of sensations, ecstatic wonder as the heat seemed to bounce from one to the other. Their insides quivered with the hunger to be bonded as one. The blood rushed through them, making it impossible for them to feel or hear anything except the magic that was happening to them.

Harm had shared his passion with many women in his lifetime, but in that moment, all of them were forgotten, and for him, he was discovering the mystery of making love to the one and only woman he loved. He was not afraid for her to see his vulnerability and his craving for her. His body trembled, waiting to be joined to hers, but it was their souls that made their lovemaking a spiritual bonding.

Mac had also known many men in her lifetime, but she, like Harm, was discovering the true meaning of bonding her heart and soul to one man for all eternity. As their lips came together, they both tasted the saltiness of their tears. She wasn’t afraid to let Harm know how very much she needed and loved him. Instead of feeling weak, she felt free to give everything she was to Harm. She moaned loudly, her body aching to be joined to his in the beauty of their passion.

His fingers caressed Mac’s throbbing bud as his mouth closed on one of her breasts again, sending her soaring over the edge. Harm felt her shuddering as her body writhed against his in a frenzied surrender. She loved the way he drank from her breast, his finger massaging her bud with the same urgency. Mac had never experienced such a powerful orgasm. She could not breathe, but she would not let Harm leave her, until her body demanded his. She spread her legs, wrapping her hand around his pulsating arousal. She heard him cry her name out.

Harm finally released her breasts, his lips now seeking hers as his body lifted up, covering her. Just the knowledge that he would be surrounded by her burning walls made Harm so weak he could hardly hold himself up, but he looked into her eyes. He could see the love, and yet there was so much more than their love. It was as if they were dissolving as themselves, liquefying and becoming only one. He teased Mac by putting the tip of his erection against her bud, but it was too much for both of them. They moaned, and slowly, Harm slid into her. They could not move. They could not think. Harm put his hands against her face, holding her.

“I…Sa…lo…I…ooooohhhhh,” Harm almost yelled as Mac put her hands on his buttocks, pushing him into her, her walls tightening against him, holding him in a viselike grip, taking all his breath away.

“Lo…mo…Ha…” Mac could not speak. They were frozen, unable to move until she felt him pulse within her, making her shudder from within and lose herself in him.

Mac wrapped her legs around his waist and began to thrust up to meet his plunging into her, each time deeper and deeper. Her arms went around his chest, their lips bonded as closely as their bodies were.

Their bodies vibrate from the inside, erupting with the most powerful force they had ever experienced. Harm’s heat was Mac’s heat. His heartbeat was her heartbeat. His soul was her soul, just as her soul was his soul. They left the confines of the room, the house and the earth, and went soaring into a universe that would have been terrifying had it not been so filled with their love. It was a universe of only feelings, emotions, a magical freedom, an unconditional surrender, and a mystical bonding through all eternity. Harm emptied out into Mac, filling her with his very life, his very seed, everything that he was or would ever be. They could not stop thrusting and plunging against the other, prolonging their pleasure for what seemed like forever, yet they already hungered for the next time they would make love.

Harm’s face was in Mac’s hair, between her neck and her shoulder. He could still taste her tears and felt his own. Their passion refused to end. Their hands, fingers, tongues and legs continued to ignite the flames. And they did, for within minutes, Harm and Mac exploded once again. They were insatiable in their need. The flames from the fireplace had long ago died down, but for Harm and Mac, the magic of their love kept them warm.

Wrapped in one another’s arms, their bodies exhausted, their lips swollen and sore, their legs entangled together, and their hearts finally beginning to beat normally, Harm reached for the quilt he had brought and pulled it over them. They snuggled into the pillows, satisfied for now, their bare skin burning against the other, their eyes closed as they breathed softly and finally fell asleep.

It was truly a magical time Harm and Mac. Their passion awakened them several times, and finally, when the fire had gone out, they got up and went to bed, where they ignited their own fire once again. Mac had never spent such a night of splendour as she did that night in the arms of the man she loved. Harm shocked himself as his need for Mac never seemed to end. They would sleep for two hours only to feel the fire burning within them. Harm and Mac were truly insatiable in their love for one another, and now, having surrendered so gloriously to their love, they held nothing back. It was almost dawn when they finally fell into a deep sleep, still wrapped in one another’s arms.

MATTIE’S HOUSE
BLACKSBURG, VA
1037 HOURS

Harm was awakened by soft kisses across his chest. He opened one eye and looked over at Mac. She was grinning at him like a satisfied imp. He tried to reach out for her, but she pulled back.

“No, you don’t. Harm, it’s late, and we don’t have any idea what time Mattie is coming home. Now, how would you feel if your new ward came home and found you in bed naked with…”

“A very beautiful, sexy, naked woman that I just happen to love very much?”

“Well, if you put it that way,” Mac said, jumping back into bed on top of the covers.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were this sexy,” Harm said, reaching up to kiss her.

“You never asked.”

Harm groaned and put the pillow over his head. He came out laughing.

“Okay, Colonel MacKenzie, we better get up and behave like proper adults, so get off my bed.”

“If adult’s always acted proper, then we wouldn’t have the little Mattie’s, AJ’s, and all the other little ones, now would we?”

“Good point,” Harm said, not really wanting to get up. It felt so good to be in bed with Mac, to tremble just remembering their incredible lovemaking.

“And you still have a promise to keep, you know,” Mac said, getting off the bed and laughing as she watched a very bare and naked and beautiful Harmon Rabb run from the bed to the shower. If she knew when Mattie was coming home, she would follow him in there, but they had already shared two very sensual showers during the night.

Harm walked into the kitchen wearing some nice warm-ups. He came up behind Mac and put his arms around her waist and drew her to him. She rested her head on his chest, sighing deeply.

“I wish we could stay like this forever, don’t you,” Mac said, her voice deep and sultry.

“Hmmmm. That would be great. Then our kids could grow up in this wonderful house, play in the snow, help us trim the tree every Christmas, and make our love even more complete.”

Harm turned Mac around and claimed her lips in a very hungry kiss, his hands exploring the body he now knew so well. Slowly breaking away, he looked at her, seeing the greatest gift of all in her eyes. She loved him, and it was in her eyes.

Telling Mac to sit down, Harm made breakfast for her. They agreed to call Mattie as soon as they finished breakfast so they could go and pick her up.

“I know I’ve said this many times already, Sarah, but this still seems like one of my many fantasies. I’ve dreamed of days like today with you, just the two of us, making love all day. When I am in your arms, you make the rest of the world go away. Why was I so terrified of you, of losing you, and most importantly, of telling you how much I love you?”

“Same reasons. I was afraid. Come on, let’s call Mattie, and maybe later we can talk.”

Wendy answered the phone, laughing happily. Harm could hear the sound of children playing in the background.

“Hi, Wendy, it’s Harm. Are you ready to send Mattie home? We’ll…”

“Oh, please don’t take her home yet. It’s been such a pleasure watching Mattie and Michelle renew their friendship. Mattie needed you, Harm, you and Mac. I was just about to call you. Fred and I are taking the children into town and Mattie wants to go with us. She said to tell you she wanted to buy you and Mac a Christmas present, so you can’t go.”

“She doesn’t have any money with her, Wendy,” Harm said, feeling a little embarrassed.

“Don’t worry about it. If you’d like, you can pay us back, but she wants to surprise you and she is having so much fun with Michelle. Please let her go.”

“Hold on a minute.” Harm turned to Mac and repeated Wendy’s side of their talk. Mac looked at Harm and smiled.

“You’re her guardian, Harm, not me. I think it’s a good idea, but you have to make the decision.”

“What time will you be home,” Harm asked.

“Oh, probably not until late, like eight or nine. We are going to visit Fred’s brother, Jacob. Mattie knows him also. Would you like to talk to Mattie?”

“Yes, please.”

A few minutes later Mattie came on the phone.

“Harm, can I go please? I haven’t spent time with Michelle and Casey in a long time, and well, we are just having fun. I’d love to go to the Jacob’s farm. If we get home too late, I can spend the night here again. Wendy already invited me.”

“Mattie, we came up here to spend Christmas together. This is our first year to…”

“I’m sorry, Harm. You’re right. I guess I can always come back and see Michelle later.”

Harm heard the disappointment in Mattie’s voice, and quickly changed his mind. Hopefully, they had many years ahead of them to spend together.

“It’s okay, Mattie. You deserve to visit with your friends. Besides, it’s not like I’m alone, thanks to you.”

“I know,” Mattie giggled. “You and Mac can find things to do and…”

“Okay, Mattie, that’s enough. Go with them, but tell Wendy to call me if you are going to spend the night again tonight. I need to know where you are. Keep checking with me, Mattie, okay?”

“Yes, Dad”, Mattie said, teasing Harm.

Mac had put her arms around Harm’s waist, resting her head against his back. The thought of spending the rest of the day alone with Harm brought a wide smile to her face, but she also realized that they had a lot to talk about and now would be a good time to do it. Harm handed the phone to her so she could tell Mattie to have fun and be careful. Hanging up, Harm and Mac turned to each other.
“Looks like we have the rest of the day to ourselves. Have any ideas what we can do,” Harm said, enveloping Mac in his arms as his lips met hers in a hungry kiss. Breathless, they broke apart after several minutes.

“We could spend the day in bed,” Mac smiled coyly.

“Or we could go outside and I could bury you in the snow. Then we could come inside and warm up, and I know just how to warm you up.”

“Have I told you how much I love you,” Mac asked Harm, looking into his blue-green eyes that were quickly turning into a smoldering gray colour.

“I could hear it everyday for the rest of my life and it still wouldn’t be enough, just like I could never tell you enough how you own my heart and soul, and now, my body. I love you Sarah MacKenzie.”

Without anymore talking, they went back to the bedroom, where they spent the next hour lost in the glorious wonder of their magical passion. Afterwards, Mac looked at Harm and smiled.

“I am starving,” she said.

“I wondered when my hungry jarhead was going to return,” Harm said, his hands going over her body one last time before he got up.

“You wear me out,” Mac said.

“I wear you out,” Harm exclaimed. “You know, we men need some time to recover from the kind of lovemaking we’ve been sharing, but you…”

“YOU don’t need anytime at all to recover. I know. I have been on the receiving end, and I love it. Come on, flyboy, let’s go eat.”

It was while they were eating their lunch that Mac looked at Harm and saw the question in his eyes. She knew it was time for them to talk. They cleaned up the kitchen and Harm added some more wood to the fireplace. They sat down on the sofa and enjoyed the silence and just being together.

“Can I tell you something,” Mac said, her voice soft and mellow.

“Anything.”

“As wonderful as our lovemaking has been, you seem to possess a little more of me every time we make love. I don’t know how to explain it. There was a time that I never wanted to be controlled or owned by any man. Now, I belong to you so completely that I wonder how I lived without you for so long. Am I making any sense?”

“Very much. You’ve known me for a very long time, and during all that time, and the relationships you have seen me involved in, I never allowed anyone to see the real me. You know something, even I didn’t know the real me. I know what you mean about becoming more a part of me, because every time we become one, I willingly surrender more of myself to you. After these last two days, which now seem like a lifetime, and at the same time but a minute of our lives, I realize that I never knew what love really was, not the kind of love we’ve shared.”

Their words, and the sense of belonging led to several minutes of silence once again. Finally, Mac was the first to speak.

“You’re still wondering about Clay, aren’t you?”

“I won’t lie. Yes, I am. However, if you feel as deeply about me as I do about you, I can understand. I could even understand if you shared yourself with him. I haven’t always been…”

“I could never give myself to Clay. It’s strange how I feel. When you asked me to wait in Sydney, I turned to Mic. That was the worse mistake I’ve ever made because I hurt a good man, but I know now that I was waiting for the day when you finally realized you loved me enough to give up everything for me.”

“Is that what you wanted, Mac, for me to give everything up for you, just like Mic had?”

Harm stared at the fire, unable to look at Mac, almost afraid to hear her answer. They had eagerly yielded to their passion without really talking, but what if it had been a mistake. No, it would never be a mistake. Harm turned and looked at Mac and saw the tears falling down her face.

“All I’ve wanted from you is for you to tell me that you love me, but I realize now that in so doing, I became demanding and selfish. No, don’t stop me, Harm. We have to talk and get this said if we are to have a future together. Several things have been bothering me.” Mac got up and stood by the fireplace, looking at Harm.

“I’m sorry, Mac, I shouldn’t have said…”

“Yes, you should have. I couldn’t understand what you were trying to tell me in Sydney, and so I turned to Mic. I didn’t get involved with him physically until much later, but when I saw the hurt look in your eyes, I was glad that I could hurt you the way you had hurt me. That’s over and done with, but I know that there have been other men in my life that you have wondered about, even believed that I slept with them. There was Mark Falcon, who deceived you, actually both of us, and then when he showed an interest in me, I was flattered. I was even tempted by the admiral, and I know you saw it also.”

“Yes, I did,” Harm said, so softly that Mac wondered if she had heard him.

“I was a mess, had fallen off the wagon after Dalton was killed and was stupid, but nothing ever happened. Again, even though you were there for me, you really weren’t there in the way I wanted you to be. I wanted you to take me in your arms, hold me, kiss me, and never let me go.”

“Do you know how many times I’ve wanted to do just that, Mac?”

“What stopped you,” Mac asked, knowing the answer already.

“Our careers. Actually, your career. I had wanted to retire from the Navy after twenty years, but I was willing to give that up if I had you in my life. Mac, after Mic left Australia and came here, he gave up everything, yet I could see that it wasn’t what you wanted. If I would have resigned, which I did, and asked you to marry me, would you have been willing to accept a man without the…”

“No,” Mac said, crying. “I guess I wanted everything. I wanted both of us at JAG. I wanted you to tell me you loved me. I wanted us to be together, even if we weren’t married. I wanted us to have our baby, and most importantly, I wanted your love more than anything in the world, but you’re right, I wasn’t willing to give up my career and I would have felt guilty making you give yours up.”

“Mac, you did just that when I resigned and the admiral didn’t take me back. Instead of being there for me as my best friend, the way we always have been, you turned to Clay, the one man I had never believed could steal your heart away. You came to my apartment after seven months and asked me why I hadn’t returned your seventeen calls. Why would I? I knew you were with Clay.”

“I guess that’s why I behaved the way I did when you told me in Paraguay. I knew what the Navy meant to you, and yet you had thrown it all away to come after me. In a way, I was furious with you for doing such a stupid thing, and in another, I was touched by your actions. Only I couldn’t say anything because when I found out about it, Gunny and Webb were right there in the room.”

“But why did you turn to Clay? Were his words enough to make you turn against me, especially after we both knew I would not be returning to JAG? No, Mac, I couldn’t go after you, not this time. You were with Clay and I had lost you again.”

“How did you know for sure that I was with Clay,” Mac asked, suddenly realizing how sure Harm sounded.

“Does it matter?”

“It does to me.”

“It’s really not important, Mac. I may not like what Clay did, the way he went behind my back to do certain things, but he is a good man. Let’s just say I had my own sources. Besides, you didn’t exactly make a secret out of the fact that you were seeing Clay. Everyone at JAG knew about the two of you.”

“That’s why you thought I was sleeping with him, isn’t it?”

Harm didn’t answer her. He also refused to tell her how Clay had made it a point to tell Catherine Gale that he and Mac were very much in love, and how they spent all their free time together knowing the information would get back to him. Clayton Webb had wanted Mac and gone after her, but if he did get her, it was because she wanted him also. Harm couldn’t tell Mac what Clay had done. In the military, as in politics, they had to make their compromises, creating some strange bedfellows, but if he and Mac had a future together, it had to be because they both wanted it, because they loved each other enough to want to spend the rest of their lives together. He had to tell Mac how he felt, the guilt, the pain, all of it.

“What did you expect from me, Mac? When we saw each other for the first time after my unsuccessful attempt to tell you how I felt in Paraguay, you wanted to know why I hadn’t called you after leaving what was it, seventeen messages, in six months. Then you came in, telling me that you knew I was mad at you. Funny, how you could read my mind about my being mad at you, but you couldn’t understand what I was trying to tell you when we were in bed that night in Paraguay. Then you accused me of being upset with you, and to top it all off, when I told you that you didn’t know me, you said that if I talked to you, maybe you would. Mac, you had made it very clear in Paraguay that you had chosen Clay, and if I had any doubts left, they were gone when you and I went to see him in the hospital. You were so caught up with Clay’s needs that you made it quite clear I was a third wheel. What did you want me to do, Mac?”

The tears continued to fall down Mac’s face. Every word Harm spoke seemed to open up another wound in her heart, but it wasn’t because he was wrong. She had done all those things, hurting him, the one man she loved more than life itself.

“I wanted you to be the jealous lover. Harm, it may be selfish of me, but I needed you to tell me that you were the only man for me. I wanted you to yell and rant and rave and then take me in your arms and make love to me the way we have these past two days. I wanted you to state your intentions. We’ve known each other for almost nine years, and in that time, although we have flirted and felt the tension between us, you never told me you loved me.”

Harm looked up at her, seeing her for the insecure little girl that was inside the strong, intelligent, beautiful, desirable woman who owned his heart and soul.
““Those three little words are overused, perhaps not by me, but they are sometimes very carelessly said. Songs are written about them, but tell me something now. In those eight years plus, didn’t you ever know how I felt about you? We’ve gone to the ends of the earth for each other, yet you still doubted my feelings? I know I am not an easy man to make his feelings known, but I also know that I’ve seen the way you look at me. The night of your engagement party, when we kissed, and you responded with the same burning that was inside of me, then brushed your hand against mine, the only thing going through my mind was how such an intelligent woman like yourself could consider marrying a man she didn’t really love. I may not be worthy of you, Mac. I’ve hurt you either because I’ve said the wrong things, or because I haven’t tried hard enough, or how was it you put it when I asked for you help – that I hadn’t fought you? I may not deserve your love because I don’t do all the right things, but it doesn’t make my love any less.”

“And all this time, didn’t you know how I felt about you. Didn’t you know how much I wanted you? I kept counting the months until the five years were up, hoping you wouldn’t back out on me. Harm, you’re right. Love isn’t something that has to be discussed about every single day, and if you want my honesty, yes, I’ve known how you felt. Perhaps that’s what frustrated me even more. I knew you wanted me, but you would not say the words.”

“What would you have done if I had told you that I loved you back in Sydney? Where would we be now? That was the worst mistake of my life, not telling you, but I did tell you that I was this way only with you. I’m not good at this, Mac, but I thought you knew what I meant. Imagine my shock when you showed up wearing Mic’s ring the following day. What was I supposed to think then? Okay, she said she wanted us to make love tonight, but would you have been with Mic…”

Mac put her fingers up to his lips, stilling the words. No matter how much she tried to justify his actions, hers had been so much worse. He wanted more time. She wanted him then, and now, as she looked up at him, she could see what had gone through his mind.

“Please, Mac, let me finish. I may have said all the wrong words, but I truly did believe you knew how I felt about you and that it was just a matter of time. You say I don’t fight for you, but I never did give up on you, did I? I waited too long as always, but I did tell you how I felt at your engagement party. Afterwards, you ran away and wouldn’t even talk to me.”

“Harm, I’ve always been a difficult person to love. I am demanding and I know it. That night, I saw my dreams disappearing. So, I turned to Mic.”

“I don’t know what to think right now, Mac. In Paraguay, I truly knew how you had felt in Sydney, but I still didn’t think you meant it. I’ve believed in our love for so long that I never thought it would end that way. I lost you, not just as the woman I love, but as my best friend also. Mac, haven’t we beaten this conversation to death ten times over? I’ve made mistakes, a lot of them. I’ve hurt you deeply, but Mac, if you look back, we both hurt each other.”

Mac looked into Harm’s eyes and saw so much pain in them and only an hour ago, they had been lost in their passion. They had both hurt each other. Why was it necessary to keep bringing it up anymore?

“Harm, are you sorry you brought me to Blacksburg?”

“Mac, if you truly have to ask that question, then we do have a problem, and I do mean a serious one.”

“After I left you and Mattie at the Wall, I went home, took a leisurely shower, started a fire, served some chilled apple cider for myself and a glass of wine. It was for you even though I had no idea you would come by. Then I reminisced about all our cases, investigations, trips and…well, I just wanted you so much, I felt empty and lonely. This trip had been like a fairy tale for me. I’ve been a little girl playing in the snow. I’ve been a woman in the arms of the only man I can ever love, and somehow, through it all, it seemed as if something was missing. I didn’t know what it was. I felt this talk was necessary. These last two days have been incredible. I don’t ever want them to end, and I am so afraid you are going to tire of me…”

“I’m not ever going to tire of you, Sarah. I can’t promise you that our lives will be a rose garden, but if our love is as strong as I believe it to be, then as long as we face our problems together, we can make it.”

“Harm,” Mac said, her voice hesitant. She looked away, at the window where the snowflakes were beginning to fall again. “I have to tell you something.”

“That’s why we’re talking, isn’t it? I’m listening.”

“Were you, I mean, are you serious about us having children together?”

Harm looked at Mac and saw the strangest fear in her eyes. She was trembling, and when he tried to hold her hand, she pulled away. She wouldn’t meet his gaze.

“I would love to have children with you, Sarah, but if for some reason you don’t, or can’t, then we can adopt. What matters to me is sharing our lives together. Is there something wrong that you aren’t telling me?”

Several minutes passed in silence. Harm didn’t think she was going to answer him, but he did put pressure her. Whatever it was, Mac seemed terrified.

“There’s nothing wrong with me, Harm. I can have all the children we want, but do you really want to have a child with a woman who was an alcoholic, who is still one and always will be and with the chance of my falling off the wagon? Are you willing to give a child a mother like me?”

Harm got up and walked over to the fireplace, knowing that Mac didn’t want him to touch her right now, not until they resolved or met her fears. He tried to choose his words carefully.

“Any child that would have you as its mother would be very lucky. You will make a wonderful mother. And if you should ever fall off the wagon again, we will face it together, so long as you know that I am beside you.” Harm suddenly realized something. “Mac, is that why…”

“Yes. It’s why I let everyone believe that Clay and I were seeing each other. Oh, he wanted a relationship with me, and I even tried to care about him, but I belong to you alone. But I couldn’t allow you to give me a child and then wind up hurting you. That’s also why I helped you with Mattie. I didn’t want you to be alone. Harm, I am terrified of having a child and then having you raise him or her on your own. With the five years coming up, I decided that if I let you believe I was involved with Clay, that you would feel released from our deal. I love you so much, Harm, and I want your child so much, but what if…”

“No what ifs anymore,” Harm said, walking over to Mac. He took her hand and led her to the sofa where they sat down. He held her hands as he turned to look into her eyes. “I knew you were an alcoholic when we made the deal, Mac. I trust you with my life, my heart and our child. We have to learn to be more open about our fears, discuss them and resolve them instead of allowing them to eat away at us until we wind up almost losing each other. Little things can start to add up until they become insurmountable. We can’t let that happen after all we’ve been through to get to this point.”

“I love you too much to hurt you anymore, Harm. I do want your child, and I do want to spend the rest of my life with you, but I am so afraid I will fail.”

“Sarah MacKenzie, I love you with all my heart. I can’t tell you the exact day, or time, or even year or month that I realized how much you meant to me, but it seems as if I have been in love with you all my life. I think I do a lot of ranting and raving as it is, but the reason I refuse to impose my jealousy on you is that I trust you with my life, and most importantly, I trust you with my heart, and I will trust you with our children and our future. I walked away when I saw you with Clay because of that love, just like your love for me is making you afraid to take a chance. If Clay had been the man you wanted, then your happiness meant more to me than forcing myself on you. Mac, love can’t be forced on anyone. My love for you is what has set me free. I won’t say that my life would have been a happy one without you, but as long as you were happy, than I could tell myself I had done the right thing. When you came to court and spoke on my behalf, it was like some kind of miracle to me. Then I heard the words you told the judge about my being the kind of man you want for the father of your children. I tried not to let those words give me too much hope, but my heart wouldn’t listen. I had to convince myself that just because you felt I was that kind of man, it didn’t man I had an exclusive on your feelings. Then you brought Mattie to me at The Wall, and I thought my heart would explode from the hope I felt. Only you mentioned his name, and as much as I have grown to love Mattie, even having her in my arms did not erase the emptiness I felt as you walked away from us. I will ask you to forgive me for all the times I hurt you, but if we are going to spend the rest of our lives together, you have to accept me as I am, just as I promise to accept you as you are. Let’s stop being afraid and take a chance on the love we know is in our hearts and souls. I promise to love you…”

“Harm, I love you so much,” Mac cried, her body trembling from the beauty of his words. “I know we will have arguments, and there will be hard times and good times, but as long as we face them together, and we love each other, then loving you with all that I am will be my way of forgiving any and all transgressions. Hold me, Harm.”

“Not yet, because once I do, I won’t be able to let you go.” Harm ached to hold his beloved Mac and never let her go, but there were a few more things they had to talk about and he wanted to get it over with as soon as possible.

“Why did you wait until yesterday to tell me about you and Clay? I mean, when you brought Mattie to me, you must have known how much I wanted you to stay with us. Why did you leave us?”

“I was shocked when I learned that you were planning on adopting a child. After you left my apartment, I heard your words over and over again. I know you could have asked Bud and Harriet to vouch for you, but you came to me, and I hurt you. I didn’t talk to Mr. Johnson because I was trying to make amends. I felt that you had pushed me out of your life, and now you had a child. I thought our deal was…”

Harm took her in his arms and kissed her trembling lips, drawing the very breath out of her. He gave her his soul in the aching intimacy of their kisses. How could two people who loved each other this much hurt the other so much?

“For the past year all I’ve done is count the days, Sarah. I’ve wanted you so much, I ache inside. When I see you at work, I know that no matter what is going on in the world, when I see you, my particular world is okay. I’m not perfect, Sarah, as a matter of fact, far from it, but please don’t doubt me again. Love is believing in each other, trusting, and yes, making compromises. My life is very empty without you, and all I need now is…”

“Do we have to wait,” Mac whimpered, reaching for his lips once again.

“Just a little bit more. Will Mattie being in my life affect our lives together?”

“Only that it will make our lives more complete. And when we start having our children, we will have a built-in baby-sitter.”

“Are you sure? A teenaged girl can be quite a handful.”

“Yes, Harm, I am, very sure. What else?”

“What about our careers? I don’t really care about advancing my position, or being on top, that is, except in bed,” Harm paused and grinned. “The admiral will be very upset over this, you know. If he asks for my resignation, I am more than willing to do so as long as I come home to you every night.”

“Loving each other is going to change a lot of things for us, but we’ll face them together. When we tell the admiral, I will be by your side. Harm, we are both lawyers, so why can’t we open up our own firm?”

“That’s an option, but you could always become a judge.”

“I don’t know if my heart is in it anymore. Harm, can we talk later? I need you so much.”

Harm took her in his arms, capturing his lips with a kiss that ignited a raging fire. It would be over two hours before they could even stop long enough to say anything, and then it was Mac asking Harm for the time.

“You’re asking ME what time it is,” Harm said, his hands and fingers caressing Mac’s moist and sensual body.

“Harm, I have no idea what time it is right now. You’ve broken my internal clock, but I love the way you’ve done it.”

“Sarah,” Harm said, his voice deep and husky. His heart was pounding as he held her.

“Hmmmm?”

“I have one more thing that I feel we need to talk about right now.”

“Right now?”

“Yes, right now. Then I promise, we don’t have to talk until Mattie comes home..”

Mac lifted her head from his chest and looked at him. He was so beautiful, and he belonged to her. His body was so perfect.

“I’m waiting,” Mac murmured, her fingers dancing across his chest.

“Will you marry me,” Harm asked, his eyes locked on hers.

“Mar…did you…just ask…”

“I am asking you to marry me, Sarah MacKenzie. When we start our family, I want them to know how much their father loved their mother.”

“And how much their mother loved their father. Yes, Harmon Rabb, Jr., I will marry you. Oh, Harm, I love you so much.”

Harm and Mac celebrated their love for the rest of the day. They were like honeymooners, insatiable, and desperately in love. It was late that evening when Wendy called them to let them know that they were spending the night at Jacob’s ranch and wanted to know if Mattie could stay with them. Giving his permission, Harm turned to Mac, knowing they wouldn’t be getting much sleep, but the only thing that mattered was being together.

Exhausted, sleepy, and very much in love, Harm woke up around seven in the morning, took a quick shower and went out to start breakfast. It wasn’t long before he heard the sounds of Mac taking her shower. He smiled happily, knowing his mother would be ecstatic when he told her the news.

Harm and Mac had just cleaned up the kitchen after calling his mother and Frank to tell them the news when they heard Mattie calling out to them. Harm went to the door, realizing how much he had missed her. Mac was right beside him.

Fred came to the door, looking worn out, and told them they were going on home as they had played in the snow and rode horses the day before and all they wanted was to get some rest.

Mattie thanked the whole family and then ran on ahead, but instead of putting the gift she bought for Harm and Mac under the tree, she decided to wait just a little longer to make sure.

The rest of the weekend was spent having snowball fights, building forts, and sitting by the fire. On Sunday morning, they took down all the Christmas decorations as they were leaving in two hours.

“Harm, did you and Mac talk,” Mattie asked him.

“Yes, we did.”

“You know she loves you now, don’t you?”

“Yes, Mattie, I know she loves me.”

“And you love her, don’t you?”

“Very, very much,” Harm said.

“Good. Are you going to ask her to marry you?”

Harm looked at Mac, who was laughing at his blushing face. She mouthed the words ‘I love you’ to him.

“I already asked her, and she said yes.”

“That’s even better. Now I can give you your Christmas present,” Mattie said. She ran upstairs and came back holding a gift-wrapped package in her hand.

“This is from me to both of you, and before you open it, I just want you to know what a wonderful Christmas you have given me. Now, open it.”

“Thank you, Mattie,” Mac said. “You really didn’t have to buy us anyth…oh, Harm, look at this.”

Harm took the frame from Mac, looked at it, read it and then looked at Mattie, smiling.

It was a picture of a home surrounded by snow. The top said “Our First Christmas in Blacksburg” and the bottom said, “Harm and Mac Forever.” Harm and Mac looked at the signature on the lower right hand side. It was signed by Wendy.

“When does Wendy find time to do these paintings,” Mac said, awed by the gift.

“She says it’s her way of relaxing. I told her what I wanted, and she made it for me. The house was already done. I just had her add the words. Do you like it?”

“Like it? We love it,” Harm said. “But why didn’t you have her add your name to it?”

“Well, I thought that next year we might have a little Mac, Jr. or Harm, Jr., and then it would get too crowded.”

Harm and Mac looked at each other, laughing and hugging Mattie.

BLACKBURG CHAPEL
16 MARCH 2004

The admiral had not been nearly as angry or upset as Harm and Mac had expected. They both blushed when AJ told them that it was about time.

Mac was an exquisite bride who brought tears to her groom’s eyes. Harm stood tall and handsome, unable to breathe as he watched Mac walking down the aisle towards him. Mattie had officially become part of their family in February, right after her father disappeared again. They were now a family. All their fantasies had become a reality.

Mattie and Chloe were the junior bridesmaids; Harriet was the Matron of Honour and Jennifer Coates was their one attendant. Little AJ was the ring bearer and took his job quite seriously. The chapel was small, but thanks to Fred and Wendy, it was beautifully decorated with all kinds of flowers from Fred’s Nursery. Harm surprised his mother by asking Frank to be his best man, while the admiral, Bud and Sturgis were ushers. The Reverend Turner performed the ceremony. A second wedding was planned in La Jolla, California. It had been Mac’s idea since Harm was Trish’s only son. It would take place sometime in June.

It is believed that Christmas is a time to forgive, to love, and find peace. A gift of love was given to the world on Christmas Day, and on that day in 2003 in Blacksburg, Virginia, it is exactly what Harmon Rabb, Jr., and Sarah MacKenzie had found when they spent their first Christmas there. Harm had wanted to take Mac to Europe or Hawaii, but she insisted that they spend their honeymoon in Blacksburg, in Mattie’s house.

Mattie’s house became a heaven on earth for Harm and Mac for the next two weeks. They loved and were loved. They laughed and cried. They reminisced. And most importantly, they surrendered blissfully to their love and passion time and time again.

Mac’s fear were still part of her, but she buried them so deep within her, leaving room only for the love she and Harm had found. Harm’s inability to say those three little words to Mac seemed ludicrous now for he repeated them several times every day. The admiral’s gift to them had been to exercise his admiral privilege to keep both Harm and Mac at JAG.

Christmas in Blacksburg 2003 had been a new beginning for Harm and Mac, a new beginning that would eventually include their own three children as their love grew stronger with each day. Mattie and Chloe became closer as they shared the life that Harm and Mac had made for them. Harm and Mac had found each other finally.

THE END